How Influencers throw their Nets!

Master with puppetWhenever we try to persuade a person to change his behavior, way of thinking or decisions, we cast the nets of influence on him. Some people do it with love, some with manipulation.

I think none of us can escape them as they are a part of our life, people connected with us in one way or the other.

We don’t realize till a particular age, whether being influenced is the right approach. We don’t even know that somebody is trying to influence us.

We agree to follow, out of love, respect or admiration and slowly it becomes our habit. By the time we start resenting the influence, our core beliefs and values are already ingrained in us.

So what we become is, many times, the influence of our parents, teachers, siblings and peers. A lot of people live under the shadow of these influences all their life.

If we try to wriggle out, it is with immense effort and that might affect our dearest relationships.

Is it good to influence? I have contemplated over this question many times. I would love to hear your opinion about it.

“There is no such thing as a good influence. Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions.”—Oscar Wilde.

Before arriving at any such definite conclusion, lets consider why do people influence:876fe7373a5837fa7dfa98b90ea8e590

  • To win love or trust.
  • To wield their power or control.
  • To show their supremacy.
  • To intimidate.
  • To inculcate values.
  • To emphasize on their culture.

Love?

Friends, let me tell you very candidly that if you get influenced out of love and if you are ready to dance to the tunes of your partner or spouse because you love him/her, such love can never be real love. Love does not demand, it gives. It lets you ‘be’.

Trust?

Trust too can never be won by exerting influence, it is built bit by bit, it doesn’t just loom out of nowhere, it is won through unconditional love, love which doesn’t burden or force to follow a particular path just because somebody wants you to.

Control!

How do they manage to influence? They play with your emotions, pretend love and manipulate you so cleverly that you fail to see their wiles. Obviously, they are trying to control your way of thinking, restrict your activities and hover around you.

Supremacy!

When they want you to do what they like all the time, it is very clear that they try to establish their supremacy. Such people change your personality completely with their surreptitious ways before you realize it. Then there may be no turning back.

Intimidation!

There are such influencers too; who intimidate you into believing and doing what they think is right. Whether it is done with fabricated love or threats, any such influence, which smothers our opinion or coerces us to follow is repressive.

Values?

When you start living under the shadow of somebody, you lose your own personality and your own passions.

In traditional and conservative societies, Influencers get an additional argument to impose their despotic views in the name of upholding their values and culture.

Do you influence? Only those who are insecure try to influence others but they wear a mask of tenacity…beware of their tactics!

Those with weak emotions, tender heart and kind demeanor can be easily influenced with a little potion of love.

Indecisive persons too get influenced effortlessly. Many times they become puppets in the hands of those whom they believe to be their well-wishers.

My own personality, which was molded by the furnace of time and circumstances… strengthened by the touchstone of varied experiences, has changed a bit due to the benevolence and graciousness of people around me but I have never felt trapped in the nets of influence.

So is there a good and a bad influence?

Do you know such influencers? Have you ever been influenced? Do you like it? I would love to hear all the answers.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Have you subscribed to my posts? It is absolutely free. You can do so just now by entering your email.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

 

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “How Influencers throw their Nets!

  1. Yes, I agree! Only the person who is insecure tries to influence others and I guess insecure persons only gets influenced. In society we come across so many people. And we see many of them trying to impress others by doing things which is not their nature. I never felt trapped although some people influenced me but not in bad way… it was always a positive attitude that influenced me the most. Sometimes I simply joke with my mom you never taught us how to manipulate people! She simply says ‘even if you want you can’t learn that, as this is not your nature’. So do you think this is also considered as influence of my Mom ?

    1. Hi Daljeet,

      You must have seen how our own family members, in a joint family try to win over the trust of each other… won’t you call that influence? those who try to impress whether at work or friends circle, aren’t they influencers? Don’t they try to get some benefits by impressing? You must have seen so many of them manipulating the situations in their favour so often!

      Yes, I know you are not that good at it but we always understand when somebody tries to cast his/her influence on us. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, it is greatly valued.

  2. Yes Balroop there is a good influence and bad influence. When you try influencing some by controlling this is a bad relationship and has nothing to do with love or even friend ship.
    On the other side of the fence is the good influence. A person that say, is good in business or even blogging. They share there knowledge with out trying to influence with control. They sit back and let you learn to trust them without trying to manipulate you into that trust.
    Thanks for sharing this and helping me get the thinking juices going today.
    Debbie

    1. Hi Debbie

      It is so good to see you again. Thank you so much. I am glad I could provoke your thoughts. I have seen a lot of influencers and often they set me thinking…so I felt like sharing all those reflections. I have seen that even controlling relationships work well if the one who lets himself/herself be carried away into all that control happily! They surrender completely…

      Yes, blogging relationships are quite different…we are here to share and learn and it is so much fun! Thank you for sharing your opinion, I value each one of it.

    2. Debbie, great points. This made me think, too. Influence could be good or bad. Maybe the alterior reasons make the difference. I have found blogging to be so postive and never manipulative at all. You are all the best! ❤

  3. All our life, we are influenced by our circumstances, people around us especially our close family members and friends.There are both good and bad influences. There are negative and positive influences as well. However,its our personal choice and once we choose the choice governs us. We have to be wise enough to use our own mind to eliminate the negative and assimilate the positive. Its important to assess and get rid of negative people. Yet its human nature to get influenced off and on .But if we work on our personality we can easily exercise caution. Sensible,wise and balanced people rarely fall into such traps.

    1. Hi Baldeep

      We don’t have any control over the circumstances but we can definitely take care of persons who are a bad influence for us. Many times we don’t realise that we are being trapped and at other times we let it happen due to our own weaknesses, compulsions and choices. The blinding drapes that such people weave around us don’t let us see through their designs…assessments are often misleading and delude us into believing that their influence is positive!!

      Yes, I agree that we must work on our personality and exert caution so that we don’t play into the hands of the scheming influencers. Thanks for taking out some time to express your valuable thoughts.

  4. Thought-provoking post here Balroop. I’m not sure how many people i have in my life who influence a lot of my decisions. The influences which I can’t tell are marketing messages, political people haha (especially since I used to work in that field) and news. Those are external influences which are impacting us even when we don’t know that we are being influenced. I appreciate Baldeep’s comments above in stating that we have a choice on how to respond to influencers. The part i have more difficulty realizing or acknowledging is when are we actually being influenced – the line is blurry. We can only confront how to to respond to influences when we become aware of them. Most of the time, we seem to be subtly influenced without knowing.

    1. Hi Vishnu,

      Welcome back! So you too agree that we can make a choice! How many times did you think before getting influenced? I believe we don’t even get a chance to think when we get influenced…such is the spell of influencers! Yes we can make a choice if we have an inkling that a certain person will try to change our decision or behavior. Usually such a situation doesn’t arise, we just get carried away…that is the skill of people who are adept at influencing…as you say, they are so ‘subtle’!

      Yes, dear friend, the line is blurry and that goes in favor of such persons! But we can be cautious and don’t let them take advantage to the extent of changing our personality.

      Thanks Vishnu, your visit always adds great value to my post.

  5. This is a powerful post, Balroop.
    I think there is a distinct difference between influencing and manipulating.
    For me, influencing is a positive while manipulation is negative.

    It all comes down to motive, I think. Many people who influence don’t even have a motive. People are simply drawn to them because they are genuine.

    1. Thanks Denise! I agree with you that there is a clear distinction…only if we are smart enough to realise and understand and get cautious…only if we don’t let these influencers change our thoughts. Many times it happens with positive manipulation!
      Yes, even manipulations can be positive!

      Many times even the motive is good and genuine, as you say but my concern is the change in personality, which they accomplish with slow and surreptitious love, which may not be real.

      Thanks for your unique perspective, I appreciate it greatly.

  6. I always truly love and embrace positive input and suggestions in my life, Balroop. I find that too often people want to instill THEIR will upon others…when it really should be (our) God’s will. I hope that makes sense. Folks have their own Path to pursue and follow and I’m leery of ever wanting to interfere with that. Though, I will reach out to protect if I forsee possible danger. Another, absolutely spectacular post, our dear friend! I truly do love your spirit, heart and caring for others… 🙂

    1. Hi Mike,

      Thanks for wonderful words…I feel blessed! I agree with you, we all would like to embrace positive words and nudges…they are irksome when they become too much or when you have to deal with a person who keeps on casting his/ her influence all the time, just for their own satiation.

      I truly appreciate your kind words to carry the discussion further. Thanks a ton.

  7. Talking about this topic Balroop I immediately think of my parents.

    My parents were big influencers in my life and yes they did have their control over me and influenced my decisions. But it was done out of love and what they were taught so they felt it was in my best interests. They never did that for any other reason but I think as we grow up and develop our own thoughts and beliefs then yes, we can change or mold into the person we want to be. My parents definitely didn’t resent that at all but were proud of me so that’s really what I think of when you mention this particular thing.

    That’s definitely doing it from a place of pure love.

    ~Adrienne

  8. Hi Adrienne,

    I am so glad that this post took you back in time. Yes, all good and caring parents like to choose the best of everything for their children and so they try to influence us, in a positive way. Such influence plays a pivotal role in shaping our personality and careers. Blessed are such influencers…they bring divine light into our lives!

    There are many other persons in our life, whom we meet at various junctures…from friends to bosses and many more who get connected with us emotionally. They too affect us in many ways with their influence.

    Thank you for standing by and giving your valuable time, dear. I appreciate it.

  9. Hi Balroop,

    Lovely post, as always 🙂

    Yes, there are ALL kinds of people, some that influence us in the good way, and some the bad way – we just need to be so careful of them all the time!

    Parents would always influence us the right way, though sometimes when they pressurize their kids to take up careers or do something that the child isn’t interested in, it has a bad influence on them. Children can take it in the wrong way then.

    There are those then who get influenced by wrong people or bad company and spoil their lives. They need to take care of their lives before they destroy themselves. Having the right people and influence in your life is SO important, and you also need to make sure your habits, ways, and life influence others in a positive way – that would be a life worth lived, isn’t it?

    Thanks for sharing this inspirational post. Have a nice weekend 🙂

  10. Hi Harleena,

    All parents don’t have the ability to influence in the right manner. I have met many who didn’t have any idea to handle the growing up adolescents and contributed more of negative ideas than helping their youngsters. Not that they didn’t have the will. either they were too busy with their own lives or didn’t possess the right skills.

    Peer pressure to follow certain norms of a particular age too plays havoc with young, growing, immature minds which consider themselves to be ‘knowing all’! As adults too many times, relationships are influenced by the whims and fancies of the partner who happens to be more commanding or manipulates situations easily. Isn’t it?

    Thanks for contributing to this conversation, I value it immensely.

  11. This was an excellent post – and so true! One example – it wasn’t until I married and my husband pointed out things being said or done that I’d totally missed with “friends” who were excellent manipulators. I knew I wasn’t always at peace around them but I’d missed how much they always got their own way. I now have a very, very low threshold – well no, now I won’t be around people who try to manipulate me. .

    I remember when I was a single parent I made a promise to myself that I would NOT do to my son what my parents had done to me – not because they were evil but because they thought I should only do things the way they thought it should be done. I wanted my son to be his own man without GUILT. BOY that wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be and often I would find myself slapping my forehead and thinking, “You’re acting like your mother, stop right now” and go make it right with him. Thank God he came out OK!

    Visiting from Past My Curfew!

    1. Hi nan…

      Welcome to my blog. Thanks for your kind words. I am glad you have started recognising manipulators…they may not really harm us but are a bad influence for our personality. They stifle the growth of our personality, without actually letting us know.
      You are so right, without being evil and with all the love and concern, they keep on directing us towards their chosen path. It may turn out to be good sometimes, though.

      You have been an awesome mother…yes, we do have our doubts and insecure moments but all turns out well if we give our love and values, without preaching.
      Thank you for standing by, it is greatly appreciated.

  12. Hi Balroop,
    There is the belief in leadership circles that any one of us is the average of the five people we spend the most time with, good or bad.

    I did not have the benefit of parents who loved me. I only know that I learned hundreds of ways how not to be, and used that knowledge to give my daughter a loving, safe and healthy upbringing.

    True love does not manipulate, control or cajole, but only has one’s best interests at heart and has the best intentions.

    Kind Regards!
    Bill

    1. Hi Bill,

      My story too is similar as yours…collected and sifted most of the knowledge from my surroundings to give all the love in the world in trying to raise my lovely daughters. I have come across a lot of influencers on the way, who tried to manipulate me…and still keep coming but I have an uncanny intuition that guides me. So they couldn’t control me…even the pearl of my life, my hubby knew that!

      Yes, true love doesn’t control or manipulate but the interests and intentions are defined differently by different people. Thanks Bill, I greatly value your insight.

  13. Hi Balroop

    I have been influenced so many times in my life. I have finally surfaced to be a bit stronger. Some of those early bad influences made me weaker in fighting for what I believed in. Fear of being alone and nowhere to go kept me around. Caused me a great deal of grief and don’t know if the repercussions will continue a few years from now…time will tell. But I am stronger now and will not be influenced into doing something I don’t want anymore. But it has been a battle to not fall for all those that are bullying me into their way of thinking.

    The biggest think I find that when you don’t bend to those that try to manipulate, they do their best at trying to make you feel guilty. That really ticks me off, but I am getting better at realizing that I am winning and it is their problem, not mine.

    Mary

    1. Hi Mary,

      A warm welcome to my blog!

      Yes, you are right…many times it is due to our own fears that we let people influence us or our immaturity, our weakness to let go…slowly the experiences of life make us stronger and then we realise how much persons around us whom we trusted, have been taking advantage of us! Nobody pays any attention to mental bullying. I have a few friends who too suffered in this way.

      I am so glad that you have managed to get out of it and have emerged stronger.
      Thanks for standing by and adding your perspective to the discussion, it is much appreciated.

  14. Hey Balroop

    Influence can go a couple of ways. For me I influence because I look at a person situation and try to come up with a solution. Also this is a way for me to get even closer to them and develop a more meaningful relationship.

    With some people they feel that I’m trying to get them to change so they can be like me. The only thing I can think of why people think like this is that I may have come across as being desperate for the connection. So yes, this may be because of the fear of being alone.

    I also have been influenced myself. When I was younger it was out of fear to be accepted by others, and now it more out of couriosity. I’m more open-minded to those things that weren’t taught to me and for those things that give me more or less a connection to my higher self and success. But I think now my filter is much more fine-tuned to those i let influence me and those I refuse to listen to.

    Thanks for sharing Balroop and you have a fantastic weekend!

    1. Hi Sherman,

      Welcome to my blog! Influence has always intrigued me…I often wonder why people let themselves influenced, how can they be so weak minded? Then I discovered that those who are naive, inconsistent in their decisions fall into this trap. When I say trap, I am talking about those manipulators and despots who want to wield their power over others.

      I am glad that you have learnt to see through such people…we all learn slowly as we move on with self nurturing and success. Thanks for adding a new angle to this discussion. I appreciate it immensely.

Comments are closed.