Are you Intimidated by Anger?

medium_2821633690Anger is a natural and normal emotion, a usual response to injustice experienced by all living beings… triggered by people around us by use of offensive words, provocative looks or aggressive body language.

Anger…we all detest it, try to deal with it in our own way yet we keep meeting it in different forms and faces.

I have seen people tremble, cry and give in, in the face of anger.

We all know the long-term mental and emotional damage that it can cause to the perpetrator and the recipient yet we let it overpower us.

Anger has been my closest companion; I have seen it unfold before my eyes… sometimes admiring it silently when I saw how much power it could unleash!

I could never be intimidated by this emotion, may be because I associated so much of power with it and I had seen it too often, thereby acquiring immunity!

Growing up with anger can impair your ability to react in a normal manner OR it can make you a mountain, ready to face and absorb all kinds of storms and tornadoes that may hit you.

Despite its detrimental effects, I have always liked C. JoyBell’s positive outlook…

“Anger is like flowing water; there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow…On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human.”

Anger around me made me a strong reactor to injustice but it also gave me an amazing forbearance to assimilate all kinds of windstorms.

How do you react to anger?

  • Do you explode loudly?
  • Do you threaten, bully?
  • Do you use unsavory language?
  • Do you become vindictive?
  • Do you indulge in harmful activities?

Have you ever noticed that all these reactions do not harm the other person at all? There may be a momentary effect on those who had provoked you. They could be well prepared for your outburst, emotionally as well as physically.

Anger inflicts more misery and imbalance of emotions on you than the other person, who may be watching the fun, whose motive could be upsetting you to disengage you from your successful pursuits.

The intention could be weakening or breaking the bonds with certain persons, to eliminate them out of your life. The purpose could be defiling your reputation, by making you the pawn of his/her plans.

My outlook on anger is slightly different, as you can see from the above arguments. I have learnt about this emotion in the school of experience, gathering all the facts and nuances directly from the source.

I don’t believe in suppressing anger as my culture advocates, especially for women because nobody could ever explain to me why men have all the freedom to be angry and why women are expected to be calm. Each ounce of my blood revolted against this discrimination and I impulsively learnt to vent my anger…giving it back instantly.

So I had to learn one more aspect of it—how to tame it and bring it under control, in some cases and situations.Anger

You can tame your anger:

1. Observe the consequences:

Anger affects your own emotional state; it clouds your judgment and often leads to lack of communication. It creates rifts in relationships and you have to make special efforts to bounce back. Pondering over the outcome of your angry reactions may help you understand the importance of controlling this emotion.

2. Nurture the intention:

Self-help is the best help…willingness to control angry reactions is the first step, which only we can take. Unless we convince ourselves that we need to control anger, it is quite challenging to do so. I have seen such persons who make no conscious effort towards making amends. They consider anger as a powerful tool to impress and wield control. They never change.

3. Talk to Yourself:

When you get angry, you don’t get the opportunity to think. The reaction hits you so spontaneously that you realize when the whole outburst gets over! If you could think logically at that time, obviously you would be more careful. So you have to learn this art of controlling instant reactions by talking to yourself. There is no magic wand, which will immediately control anger; you have to prepare yourself for such situations slowly.

4. Meditate:

The amazing power of meditation reveals how you can indulge in self-talk to calm your mind. Taking deep breaths or counting up to ten or taking a walk, away from the trigger doesn’t help because it doesn’t calm down the emotion; it keeps simmering, waiting to burst like a volcano. Whether you are an angry person by nature or by circumstances, meditating just on this emotion on regular basis can bring about astonishing changes. A sense of hope, right intentions and self-awareness is very essential for this self-therapy.

5. Forgive and forget:

I know it is easier said than done but forgiveness is a sure way of calming your mind. I am not advocating the need of renewing the ties, which have soured. We need to forgive for our own state of mind, for comforting our own anger. You can write one letter everyday to yourself and the person with whom you are angry or you hold responsible for your anger.

Have you met anger? How do you react to it?

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Balroop Singh.

Photo credit: flickr.com

 

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19 thoughts on “Are you Intimidated by Anger?

  1. Hi Balroop,.

    That was a lovely post indeed 🙂

    I think most of us have met anger and learnt to live with it, over time of course. Perhaps women more than men have the power to control their anger in most of the cases. It’s not that they don’t feel it but perhaps their way of venting is a little different from the men who just blast off!

    Some women of course, do the same, but if they have kids and a family and as one matures, you learn that when one side is angry, the other should remain calm. I know it’s the toughest thing to do when your blood too boils, but when you see the effect it would have on your kids, you perhaps take a chill-pill, though come back to discuss things out once it all cools down. I’ve done it this way whenever anyone gets angry at home, though we all lead such busy lives, no one really has the time to create a scene or get angry, except my teen daughters, which again I understand is their age to go into their mood swings often, so we talk out issues once they cool off and it works best that ways.

    As you mentioned, you need to tame your anger and accept it when it comes, and that’s really the best way to deal with it I think.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂

    1. Hi Harleena,

      I have heard this a thousand times that one side has to keep calm in a charged situation but found it too challenging! It is very interesting to see the fireworks of argument when explosion occurs from both sides, unless it gets too ugly!

      You are right, teenagers often fail to understand the consequences, only we have to keep our cool when they explode…that also sets a good example to drive home the point that anger serves no useful purpose!

      Some people are never in a mood to cool down, even after arguments die down and life gets normal, they keep on raking the embers each time, going back to rub the past wounds…they never learn, that is what I have seen.

      Thanks for taking out time for adding your perspective, always appreciated! Have a nice day.

  2. Hi Baloop,

    I have always found that if I get angry everybody in the home gets upset. I think that is a mom problem. Like they say, If mom’s not happy nobody is happy.

    What i have learned to do and it works really will for me is.
    When the anger hits, I clean house. I can get a lot of work done this way. When hubby seeing me doing cleaning his first statement is, “did i do something wrong?”

    Sometimes yes and sometimes no. He has learned though that the deep cleaning does mean I am pretty angry. So I guess you could say I work my angry out.

    Yes, anger is something that we all have to learn to control. I have found that men do react differently than we ladies do. I did have to learn not to take their angry personally.

    We do have to forgive and forget and i would add many times it is good to talk about if it is a person we are angry with. That way it does not build and build. We have a better chance of forgiving and moving on.
    You have a wonderful day and thank you.
    Debbie

    1. Hi Debbie,

      You have a very interesting remedy!! that made me smile!! What a way to convey your anger…I love that ‘deep cleaning’ concept! but that means you can keep it within you for a long time or does it keep releasing with physical labour? I have seen some persons keeping their emotions concealed but for me, it has to come out instantly, otherwise I can’t concentrate on anything.

      You are right Debbie, a good talk always helps to understand the mind of the other person but he/she has to be receptive to hear out your mind too.Healing process in this case is two-way.

      Thanks for your lovely views…I look forward to them.

  3. **Anger around me made me a strong reactor to injustice but it also gave me an amazing forbearance to assimilate all kinds of windstorms.**

    I’ve not thought of “ANGER” like this, but I like this perspective. xx

    1. Hi Kim,

      Thanks for liking the perspective I have lived but each time somebody shouted at me or tried to scare me with angry words, my determination to fight strengthened, which has always stood by me.

      Thanks for standing by and understanding. I appreciate it.

  4. Hi Balroop,
    I think we are given anger for a reason… not to run from it, but to embrace it, to feel it.
    It is a signal that something needs to change inside us. Many times we can stifle our anger. If we are not careful, we can turn it inward against ourselves, or coupled with a complete lack of judgment, inflict harm and pain on others. When we express our anger, when we deal with it constructively, we come away from it feel more empowered.

    Kind Regards,
    Bill

    1. Hi Bill,

      Thank you for being so kind and supportive! I greatly value your views.
      I have seen people who refuse to change, whose anger gets worse with time and age…yes, you are right! their anger turns inwards…some people never change. May God help them, I always say…and forgive them.
      I am still learning to overpower it.
      Thanks.

  5. Balroop, Anger is a tricky topic for me, having grown up with parents who suppressed emotions to have them occasionally explode. I think it’s very important to feel and appropriately express our feelings, hopefully without harming others. And I agree with William that anger is a signal, often that something is amiss and we need to pay attention and channel the energy into constructive action.

    1. Hi Brad,

      Welcome back! I am not too sure whether we should suppress emotions because I never could, though I am learning to…but I feel it is a heavy burden on my heart, I have always felt, it is better to explode rather than let the heart feel the pain.

      Thanks for adding your point of taking constructive action…some people really have that tact!

  6. Hi Balroop,

    Gosh, who hasn’t felt anger in their lifetime right! I think that as time goes by and I’ve learned so much more about myself I’m able to control it now more then ever before.

    I think for the most part I don’t really get angry like I use to when I was younger. Sure, people still make me mad but it’s mostly those who just have no respect for others. You can’t talk to a person like that anyway so blowing up at them does no good at all.

    I have been so angry in the past that it took a lot out of me to learn how to forgive but I think it’s a necessity if you want to live your life to the fullest. You don’t really have to forget it but it’s definitely not something you need to dwell on either. It’s in the past and let it stay there because all we have is right now and that’s our choice of how we want to live and act today.

    ~Adrienne

    1. Hi Adrienne,

      You are right…we learn to control our anger with age as wisdom slowly descends and we also start realising the futility of exploding. All people don’t mellow down…all don’t have the prudence to understand how forgiveness helps us in leading a better and peaceful life.

      I am so glad that you have learnt to forgive…we need a lot of strength and will power, no doubt! It is good to live in the present.
      Thanks for standing by and adding your perspective to this touchy topic. Your visit is always appreciated.

  7. Hi,

    Enjoyed reading the positive energy in your post but anger is a bit of a sensitive topic for me. While I respect the human need to express feelings, I always wish to see more people do so without harming or hurting others. We need to find a way to increase our own contribution of positive energy to the lives of others and pay attention to how we feel when we push ourselves into such constructive action.

    1. Hi Swapna,

      Welcome to my blog…Thanks for feeling the positive energy! We don’t have any control over the feelings of others and how they like to express it…many of them don’t even bother to think that their expressions could hurt others.

      There is no doubt that need to take constructive actions but before that we have to learn to be emotionally balanced, keep away from toxic people who often provoke us and find serenity in forgiveness…quite challenging!

  8. Such an important topic Balroop and I believe one that affects each of us in a very personal and often unique way. There is also the issue of whether the anger stems from current or past circumstances. The difficulty associated with past issues is that very often we have no way of confronting the offender and are left with the only alternative – forgive and forget or just let it go and move on. Unfortunately when it comes to issues relating to childhood trauma that’s easier said that done, and yet this particular anger is among the most insidious. Speaking only for myself, neither of these approaches worked for me – but what did was to recognize that the people involved were flawed but they did the best they could under the circumstances. Admittedly a subtle difference, but the point is it’s about forgiving the person – not the behavior.

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