Why Relationships Go Sour?

 

Relationships

‘Relationship’ is a very wide term…it is not just a connection between two persons, which immediately comes to your mind when you hear this term.

The most precious relationship begins in the womb…a motherly binding that you experience the moment you feel the sensation of that small movement of your baby, the moment you hold that baby in your hands.

Relationships connect us not just by blood or marriage; they also refer to the emotional connection between people, family members, teachers and students, business partners and clients etc.

Relationships have to be nurtured slowly, their brittleness is felt only when we face the inevitable, when they are on the verge of falling apart. We can never put the clock back, however we wish to assuage the hurts… the scars keep reminding us of those unpleasant confrontations.

“There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.”—Mitch Albom

There are very few people who want to snap off the loving ties yet they go sour. WHY?

One has to introspect to understand all the reasons:

Words: Take care of the words you use. They act like arrows, words spoken in anger or frustration cause deep wounds, which never heal. It may not be always easy to control your bitterness but prudent are those who think before they speak.

Arrogance: Many loving relationships break up due to arrogance of establishing supremacy, whether it is your spouse or sibling. If you think you have the capability to control, you are seriously mistaken. Self-respect and freedom is dear to all.

Pretense: When we pretend to be loving and affectionate but our actions and words are not in harmony with what we pose to be, such relationships never grow. Do you think people are so dumb that they can’t see through your sham?

Respect: If you expect others to respect you, don’t forget they too expect the same. Hurting their self-esteem can boomerang. Lack of respect for each other is a slow slayer of relationships!

Expectations: If you expect your spouse to follow all that you want, if you are always expecting him/her to compromise, if you are not smart enough to strike a balance between your own priorities and those of the other person, the heartbreaks which such delicate moments cause can never be bridged.

Suspicion: It devours all the goodness and faith within seconds. A suspicious mind can misinterpret even the most angelic thoughts and deeds, thereby leaving no room for explanations. Like termites, suspicion can eat into the relationships slowly and surely.

Jealousy: This is an innate human trait. We always want to be the best, to be looked after better than the other, to look our best, to be admired and respected and stricken by all these wishes, we get so jealous that we fail to understand that the other person – your close relative, too could be yearning for the same. Jealousy can harm many sensitive relationships.

Selfishness: A selfish person can never be considerate; compassion for him is a waste of time and energy. Can you expect goodness from others if you have been using them for your own profits? People soon figure out your personality and may cease to interact with you.

Forgiveness: when you are not ready to forgive, when you consider the other person to be inferior, when you fail to realize that the other person also has a dignity, your relationship meets a natural death.

RelationshipWe all possess human frailties, which are either inherent or picked up from the environment. Nobody is born perfect…we learn from each other. All we need is the will to improve our relationships.

Blaming our past or our parents, who could not give us the best of this world will not make us better human beings. Our own efforts would.

“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.” –Marvin J. Ashton

How to save a sinking relationship:

  • Communicate your feelings.
  • Learn to be a good listener.
  • Beware of toxic people around you.
  • Develop the EQ to understand human emotions.
  • Try self-analysis.
  • Acknowledge your mistakes.
  • Make amends.

Have you tried to understand the brittleness of relationships? Do you take the responsibility to introspect? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Quote picture credit: virtualplatosacademy.blogspot.com

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18 thoughts on “Why Relationships Go Sour?

  1. Hi Balroop,

    Beautiful post, just as all the others you write so well 🙂

    Relationships are SO precious and they need to be nurtured I would say, whether it’s the relationship between a couple, spouse, parents and their children, or any other for that matter. I think the more you work on your relationships with others, the better it becomes.

    I loved all the points one has to keep in mind where relationships are concerned. I would say just make sure your words never hurt the other person, that is what spoils things foremost – words and actions, keep them good and your relationships grow.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂

    1. Hi Harleena,

      Thank you for the kind words! It is our attitude towards the relationship we value, which matters. If we keep our thoughts and words positive, we can take our connections to the next level. However, there are some persons in the life of everybody who don’t care about the little hurts but those are the issues, which blow up into larger problems.

      Even siblings have to go through such moments. I would say that no relationship should be taken for granted but the moment it turns abusive, it is time to take action. Timely action can save us from unsavory situations.

      Thank you for your views, they are very valuable to me.

  2. Thank you Balroop. I practice all the points you mentioned in all of my relationships. It usually works, but sometimes trying very hard to respect the rules can push away the other person.

    1. Hi Nikky,

      I am glad you value all your relationships and take care of them so well. Relationships ennoble us if we learn to respect them but I don’t feel the need to get pushed. It is very important to understand that relationships are built on mutual trust and esteem. If these values are not reciprocated, then it is futile to keep on nurturing such a bond.

      Thank you for standing by and sharing your thoughts. Always appreciated.

  3. I agree, we should all work hard on our relationships, they are so PRECIOUS Balroop. I like your list of things to try.
    Self-analysis, this is my thing. It helps me to see when I went wrong or what I did right that time. The thing with relationship is that both people need to act the same way or the relationship has more chances to break and hurt.
    Stay well always dear.

    1. Hi marie,

      Yep, relationships are too precious to let them go but there comes a time when despite all our efforts, we feel so helpless. At such moments all kinds of self-analysis too fails. Just our side of wrong doesn’t mend the damage, the other person too has to realise the value of our love.

      I totally agree with you. Your insight is really quite profound. Thanks for sharing it, really appreciated.

  4. Hi Balroop,

    Well this one really hit home for me because I have ended two friendships due to some of what you shared here. I parted ways with my best friend of 27 years 8 years ago. My other very dear friend of 25 years I parted ways with 7 years ago and then the last close friend I had of only 4 years we parted ways 3 years ago.

    Of course I did my best to communicate with all of them the issues I continued to have but for the two very long term relationships they couldn’t see past their own needs. They would tell me I needed to “deal with it and get over it”. Well I did my part but they weren’t contributing so I had to finally make that decision to walk away. I didn’t take it lightly but once I make up my mind to do something I don’t look back and to this day I have no regrets.

    The last one ended it herself but came back later wanting to make up. She was also one of those that couldn’t admit her part in all of this. Granted I’m no perfect angel and I make plenty of mistakes but I admit them, own up to them and do my best to resolve them. When it’s not a two way street in that respect I would prefer to just part ways. I won’t be used or abused by anyone.

    Great share and I would hope that everyone would want to work on their relationships so that they wouldn’t come to an end like all of mine did.

    ~Adrienne

    1. Hi Adrienne,

      I am so sorry that you had to go through the pain of broken relationships…it is quite hard when you are ready to communicate but the other person doesn’t see that. I agree with you nobody can be expected to be an Angel…we all make mistakes but a relationship can’t go ahead until both the friends are willing to make amends. If you made mistakes but tried to resolve them, there must be something lacking on the other side.

      It is always good to get out of such a relationship, which fails to see the goodness in you. We have good and bad sides to our personality, if that is not understood then it is not your fault. You are right, why should we give anybody the right to abuse? Good riddance is the only choice.

      Thank you for sharing your experience with relationships and adding a very valid point. Have a nice weekend!

  5. The level of nurturing really differentiates our relationships, doesn’t it?
    The less nurturing we do, the less of a relationship we have.
    Friendships, marriages, parenting, etc all take incredible amounts of time and nurturing. But like a garden, they flourish with it.
    Lovely post, Balroop.

    1. Hi Denise,

      Yes, the difference lies in our way of nurturing. If we don’t take care of our garden on regular basis, weeds can be seen all around and a lot of clutter too. Same kind of care is required to keep our love and emotions alive and thriving.

      Thanks for the kind words, they are greatly valued.

  6. I think it is important with my husband to give more than I receive. But I realzie I can do that because he is so giving. Both of us get rid of our ego. If he wasn’t the way he is, this might not work so well. I always think. “You can be right, or you can be happy.” as my rule of thumb!

    1. Hi Jodi,

      Those who give never think it is more…it is just that they are more loving, more kind, more forgiving…which works wonders for a relationship. We have to be that understanding to respect such people, happiness just walks in!

      Thanks for adding your perspective, I love that.

    1. Thanks Kim. I am glad you liked it. Yes, we hardly realise that words can do most of the damage to relationships and by the time we come to know, it is not possible to retrieve them.

      Thanks for standing by and sharing your view.

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