Emotionally abusive relationships may appear to be happy and healthy to outsiders. A person who undergoes the trauma of such a relationship too puts up a bold front, hiding the pain till it becomes unbearable and unavoidable.
Emotional scars are more damaging than physical abuse as they run deeper and can never be healed.
Relationships are natural anchors that keep us together and the insecurity of losing a dearest person keeps the hope of a new dawn alive.
But that day never comes!
Abusers get bolder with your surrender. Slowly they get to know your weaknesses and start exploiting them in their favor.
Are you trapped in such a relationship?
- Are you emotionally weak?
- Do you feel stifled?
- Are you living according to the wishes and desires of your spouse?
- Do you do this out of love?
- Do you feel helpless and powerless, at times?
- Are you scared of your spouse/partner?
- Do you yearn go out alone with friends but can’t?
- Have you become immune to humiliation?
Living in denial:
It may seem incredible that your loving relationship has suffered a transformation; you may refuse to accept it in the beginning and may even fail to recognize the signs of denigration.
You may try to save it by being kind, giving and forgiving those moments of belittlement. You only realize when the assaults of your partner make you emotionally numb.
Pick up early signs:
Please don’t ignore these warning signals:
- Abusers are extremely possessive. Their love is very selfish and they play with your emotions to show their love.
- They are so self-centered that they find ways and means of getting all the attention.
- They deliberately show destructive anger to intimidate and control you.
- They try to isolate you from your friends and relatives.
- They can assault you physically but apologize most sincerely, the very next day, to win your trust and love.
- They can pretend to be frustrated and helpless to win your sympathy.
- They expect you to support them in all their decisions and can get aggressive if you don’t follow them blindly.
“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”- Alice Walker.
It is very difficult to move out of such relationships because your abuser will never let you do that. He will use every possible tool to keep you trapped. So you have to tip toe out of it but before taking that final step you have to prepare yourself mentally as well as psychologically.
Think and decide:
Those who live with such a double-faced person find it quite difficult to quit because one day they feel extremely miserable and the next day everything seems rosy and comfortable. So the first step to get out of this relationship is to decide once and for all that you are not going to be cowed down, come what may.
Be strong and firm:
Follow your decision firmly. A wavering mind can be easily manipulated. Once you have made up your mind, you must snap off all emotional ties. I know it is not possible within a few days. Do it slowly if you have stayed too long under this subjugation.
Don’t share your plans:
Never breathe a word about the struggle of unshackling emotions; that might weaken your efforts. Don’t confide your plans to anyone if you are living in a joint family. The pressure of other family members may talk you out of your efforts to break free.
A dialogue with your own self on daily basis can help you analyze that you don’t deserve that suffering. It can help you understand your worth. If you have children, would you like them to grow up in such an atmosphere? Do you think they would appreciate your weak character?
There must be somebody in your life whom you can trust – a parent, a sibling or a friend. Get in touch with one of them and disclose your plan. If you don’t get a positive answer and have to walk out all alone, be sure that you have some money. If you are employed, then that is a blessing in disguise at such an hour.
This is the final step and you must take it very cautiously. Wait for the right time and steel yourself. Leaving all the emotional baggage behind, just walk away to whatever destination you have chosen. You really deserve that freedom. Change your mobile number or discard that old one just like you have abandoned that oppressive and abusive relationship.
If you know anybody who is in the grip of such a relationship, please guide and support. If you have any more suggestions, please add them in the comments below.
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