The Reality of Happy Marriages!

Oscar-Wilde-Marriage-Quotes-Images-300x199

When you enter into a solemn relationship, which has been named ‘marriage’, you have big dreams of sharing exhilarating moments of togetherness, of remaining happy and blessed.

Nobody ever thinks that this relationship would not last, human hope is so astounding that even after seeing unhappy marriages, we tell ourselves: ‘this can’t happen to me.’

Alas those promises we make, those visions we have, those reveries of heavenly life fall apart in no time… or so people think!

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” — Simone Signoret

Are there any happy marriages? What is the definition of a happy marriage?

There can be as many definitions as people because what may seem unhappy to you could be just a compulsion, a family commitment, a sacrifice, which would be a part of being married.

Fawn Weaver’s words, “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day” are so entrancing!

#CASE – 1

This is an arranged marriage. The bride steps into the two-bedroom apartment of her husband, whose parents and an old, ailing grandmother share this home, which seems be a harmonious dwelling.

Slowly the bride realizes that her happiness lies in submitting to the wishes and desires of all the members of the family as her husband also thinks so.

She gets used to fulfilling all the demands and peace prevails though she has many issues.

Since she is a home maker, she has to dance to the tunes of elderly members of the house all the time, depend on her husband for all her needs, she gets no money for her personal expenses, she has no leisure, she can’t go out alone, has to coax her husband for a vacation, once a year because children need to be taken out. [Peer-group pressure] She has never mentioned the word – ‘divorce.’

Do you think they are happily married? They think so.

#CASE – 2

This is a love marriage, which seems to be like that fairy tale ‘the happily married ever after.’

This couple lives in a big mansion.

Both are financially independent, inseparable and so loving that people envy their blessings.

They enjoy exotic holidays and find great pleasure in each other’s company but they fight almost everyday. Any argument by the wife is met with physical abuse, which is condoned by her each time!

She seems to be slightly better than a slave because she can only go out with her husband, she has to accept all his decisions, domestic violence and be happy.

How she can put up the façade is an enigma. She cannot think of the word – ‘divorce.’

Do you think they are happily married? They think so!

#CASE – 3

This is an arranged marriage and the couple lives in their own apartment with their lovely, intelligent children.

Their world revolves around them, they have all the freedom in the world to take their own decisions, they care for each other and love is the core word that binds them together.

There are some issues with this couple too!

Their busy life has taken the charm out of their own love, they hardly have any sex life, their communication centers around the activities and achievements of their children and they have been drifting apart slowly.

Sometimes they wonder whether there is anything left in their life.

Should they stay together? They feel it is their responsibility to give the best of everything to their children.

They do think about divorce.

Do you think they are happily married? They have their doubts!Happy Marriage

Sometimes I think about these multi-dimensional words – happiness and unhappiness!

We use them so often, so casually but rarely do we ponder about their dimensions!

Let’s face the reality:

Unhappy marriages are more a product of the mind and modern philosophy of being independent.

It is this individualistic approach towards marriage, which makes it unhappy.

It depicts the self-centeredness of human beings who want to be themselves yet seek a companion for reasons best known to them.

The institution of marriage was created to cement love, affection, responsibilities and values, which could be handed down to the coming generations too.

“In every marriage, more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and to continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson

All relationships go through initial period of uncertainty and need some time to work out well. No marriage can ever be perfect. Compromises and adjustments are an essential part of every relationship.

Some questions to contemplate:

How ego, bitterness and annoyance creep into a sacred relationship of marriage is quite uncanny.

How it can be sacrificed at the altar of Individual differences, coldness and monotony is so bizarre!

How can we think of divorcing a person with whom we have spent half of our life? Isn’t it so selfish?

This post was inspired by this thought, which has been plaguing me ever since I heard that one of my neighbors father is going to divorce her mother, a lady in her sixties and she needs a therapist to cope up with this windfall.

I know this is not the first case. I know divorce rate is rising in free, financially stable countries. I know people are developing the resilience to face such situations.

Isn’t it unfortunate that we have diminished the sacred bond that ties families? What can we expect from the youngsters who grow up in such societies? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Image credits: inspirequotes.net

 

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13 thoughts on “The Reality of Happy Marriages!

  1. Hi Balroop,

    You are SO right in all that you shared, and you know I can so well relate to it all, having written so many articles on divorce, marriage, and relationships. 🙂

    Yes, the cases you mentioned sound so familiar, especially with the rising relationship issues couples face nowadays, which often lead to divorce. Who is really – completely happy in their marriage – a question that needs though before answering!

    Marriage is a compromise, and sadly, it’s the women who does more of it, at least our end, while those who say they are happy, perhaps are hiding behind a cover. Even the rich crave for the togetherness and bond of love, and those who have it, don’t have time to be together, as you rightly mentioned because they are struggling to make ends meet. While a few live under the same roof for the sake of their kids and carry on for years, without any love in their life. Is that what you call a marriage?!!

    This is such an interesting and endless topic, Balroop, that it can carry on and on and I would still have SO much to share and write on it. Each time I sit to write a post on it, I have to limit my word count and keep the rest for a later post…lol… I guess the key lies to bond better, love each other, and find the time to be together.

    Relationships and marriage need to be worked on, from both side, and if you are happy within, you can find happiness with each other, or else it becomes tough. You also need to give each other space!

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week 🙂

    1. Hi Harleena,

      The questions I have raised in this post have always confused me because I have seen that some people quit this sacred relationship over trivial issues whereas there are such marriages which drag on and on for a number of reasons, depending on the cultural compulsions, traditions and religious beliefs.

      I have often seen hypocrisy in so called happy marriages, may be because too many compromises make us immune to the definition of happiness, which keeps changing with each scenario. Yes, it is interesting to study relationships and write about them! I feel very comfortable with this topic.

      Thanks for sharing your view, I appreciate your efforts 🙂

    1. Hi Louise,

      I add a cultural angle to my articles deliberately to acquaint, to emphasise and empathise with those who are trapped and possess the same kind of heart as those of liberated societies. Thanks for liking this aspect and telling me. I am so thankful for that.

  2. I love how you’ve shared the different scenarios and whether the couple is ‘happy’. Happiness being such a subjective thing for each individual. As a divorced woman I can tell you that I wish above everything that I could have had the marriage quoted in your post “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day” Sigh, so beautiful. But it wasn’t meant to be.

    1. Hi Lisa,

      Yes, that is truly a wonderful quote, I too loved it the moment I read it but as I have shared above, the possibility of really happy marriage is quite an illusion. A lot of couples spend half of their life in the delusion that they are happy or they keep on striving for that, hoping they would be happy one day and so they accomplish that at last!! But life is almost over by that time as the best time of your life flies away so fast.

      I have a firm conviction that we cannot dodge destiny. Sometimes the best efforts at saving a marriage too fall apart. The success of a happy marriage is a two way process.

      Thanks for sharing your perspective, greatly appreciated.

  3. Facing a divorce (for obvious reasons) I still believe in mariage. Mariage is not a road full of roses only. Mariage is a work in progress as it concerns two people in a relationship. And when 2 people are in a relationship, they need to talk, exchange, share, they need to make efforts, compromises, they need to create opportunities and if they are both willing to make it work, it can work.

    When married people are facing issues, doubts, problems, the first solution should not be divorce. The first thing should be trying to find a solution together, meeting with a therapist for exemple.

    Like in all relationships, we need to be 2 in it. If only one tries to make it work, it won’t.

    Thanks for this article Balroop which ask interesting questions. Stay well and blessed my dear.

    1. Hi Marie,

      I agree with you…a marriage can only be made happy if two persons make sincere efforts to breathe life into it. If only one person keeps on making sacrifices and compromises, there comes a day when he/she gets tired of it. All talk and all the efforts fall flat if egos are not put aside, if there is no sincerity in the efforts and if hypocrisy on either part keeps lurking.

      Thanks for sharing your view, it is greatly appreciated.

  4. I think young couples are often misled to believe that marriage should always be blissful, eternally happy, the fairy tales we see in books and movies. People assure them that challenges and difficulties will arrive on the doorstep of your relationship. And yet, we refuse to acknowledge the truth in these statements. It won’t happen to me, to us, we are different. Alas, when the inevitable argument or difference of opinion arises, we sometimes deceive ourselves into feeling as though we have failed when in reality, we have just evolved as human beings. It is an opportunity for personal growth and a recommitment to the love you pledged when initially entering into a marriage. If more people would look upon it like this instead of looking for the easy way out, I believe the strength of all relationships would benefit. Thank you for sharing and best wishes for an inspired day!

    1. Hi Dave,

      You are absolutely right…there is no short cut to blissful and happy marriages. All of us go through ups and downs and if we try to handle them in a positive manner, the differences can be resolved amicably, without hurting the self respect of each other. What we forget though is that there is no quick fix available for such a relationship. It is through slow and enduring times that we arrive at the threshold of happy marriages.
      Thanks for your insightful comment. Stay blessed!

  5. —–Excellent piece.
    Yes, marriage is a mystery. I love the quote above. It is true.
    About the changing leaves…They are not all Colorful and Magical! Sometimes they are just green…sometimes there are no leaves at all! That is also marriage. xx

    1. Hi Kim,

      I can understand your state of mind when you say all leaves are not colorful and magical…I know all marriages don’t have the potential to become magical, that is why they end disastrously.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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