Learning To Control And Train Our Emotions

Emotional Cobwebs

This year I had a lot of free time to clear the emotional cobwebs and realized for the first time that emotions can go haywire if we don’t take care of them at the right moment.

Age is no criteria for learning, I reminded myself.

I learned to let go.

I learned to have minimum expectations.

I learned to forgive unconditionally.

I learned to introspect more.

I have spent enormous amount of time in understanding emotions, trying to calm them down and fine-tune them. Yet at times, they flow naturally, uncontrollably and intensely.

Emotions are like waves, which have to strike the shore to calm down and merge into the ocean. We can hardly control them but we can channelize them towards positive crannies.

When thoughts become erratic and negative, emotions get confounded. We need to pay attention to them the moment they give a shout. If we lock them away in our heart, they breed toxicity.

Suppressed emotions:

  • Breed negative thoughts
  • Shrink confidence
  • Magnify hatred
  • Break all channels of communication
  • Cause rifts and distances
  • Ruin loving relationships

The first step is to understand your emotions.

Understanding Emotions

Who pays any attention to this aspect? But we can be better equipped to handle them only through understanding them.

#Emotional emptiness:

When we feel our emotions are not being understood; when we have to plead for emotional attention and feel deprived and empty inside, such a stage is very painful. It may send us on an isolated journey to understand whether we are exaggerating our distress or are we over-emotional. Unless we deal with this feeling, the emotions may lead us to the perilous path of irrational attitude, arrogance and even narcissism.


It is essential to introspect, open all the channels of communication and discuss the issues, which have been bothering you. I know, it could be very challenging but you have to keep your calm. Give the other person an opportunity to express his/her thoughts. Respect their perspective and trust them with an open heart.


When we doubt the intentions of others, our imagination can really get agitated and drive us into the realms of unknown boundaries, which can be easily leaped across.

Our own people create misunderstandings as human DNA carries the stimuli to doubt, which is often carved in our mind by others. If our emotions are controlled by doubt, we can become prejudiced. We may fall an easy prey to the manipulations of others and our logical mind may get clouded.


Doubt is the oldest enemy… keep that thought alive. Don’t get carried away by the viewpoint and judgment of others. Give your relationships a benefit of doubt and bring all your problems to the table. Share your concerns, discuss them with an open mind and give expression to your doubts, it will make you feel better. Once we train our mind to drop our doubts, our relationships improve drastically.


Like love, dislike too is a natural emotion, which slowly degenerates into hatred. It stems from other negative feelings like jealousy, greed and power. It gains prominence when it is fanned by the urge to be more successful than your friends, siblings and competitors. The person you hate may not even know the reasons but hostility sends negative vibes, which harm us more than the other person.


We all can’t be spiritual and let those moments of hatred seep into our body and mind calmly. It is all the more challenging at a young age. We tend to become negative and angry; forbearance comes slowly with intense efforts of nurturing the positive emotions of compassion, mindfulness and inner peace. Please note that this emotion is the most difficult to expunge. We have to work harder and longer.


Emotionally sensitive people feel guilty even if they are not directly involved in the little mistakes they might have made in the past. Whether it is talking rudely, mistreating a younger sibling, disrespecting your parents or colleagues or neglecting your parental duties, guilt eats into the vitals of our body slowly, robbing us of our happiness and peace. It is therefore very essential to learn from guilt and move on.


If you have any guilt about any past actions, it is prudent to let it go. If you feel the need to apologize for those intentional or unintentional acts, the sooner you do, better it would be for your mental health. “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” ~ Steve Maraboli

Cultivate emotional resilience:

At a young age, our immaturity at handling various emotions has to be mentored softly and subtly. In the absence of a good mentor, it takes us a long time to cultivate emotional resilience, which is guided by the struggles and setbacks of life.

This year most of my emotions merged into my writing, which is so permeable that it can slowly disseminate them into their right chasms. This year I have become emotionally resilient, to a greater extent.

Have you trained your emotions? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.


7 thoughts on “Learning To Control And Train Our Emotions

  1. Wow, great post Balroop! I’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt where my family is concerned. There has been so much finger pointing at me that I have taken on too much. I’ve learned to let that guilt go (slowly). In fact, in yoga class we sometimes focus on something we want to let go of and guess what? For me it’s always guilt. Forgiveness is something I want to learn more about and try to get to that place (again with my family). I don’t necessarily want a relationship with them but just to be able to forgive might help. Thanks for this post 🙂

    1. Hi Lisa,

      I am glad you are working on forgiveness. We don’t forgive for the sake of others albeit it might help our relationships within the families. We must forgive for our own peace, our own emotional healing, our own mental health. Forgiveness sweeps away all that guilt, which might be unwanted, which just keeps creeping up when our own near and dear ones keep accusing us to serve their own motives.

      Thanks for sharing your view, much appreciated.

  2. Great post Balroop, our minds are so proficient at creating awareness that we really can overcompensate, and negative emotions (such as guilt) can cause havoc… learning to control is so important. Cheers to a great ’15.

    1. Hi Randy

      Welcome to my blog, I feel so honored! Thanks for the appreciation.
      Yes, this mind can weave webs of amazing quality that the emotions often get entangled, struggling to find their way through the maze. Imagination adds more confusion and negative emotions get the much needed fuel, which they devour! it takes a long time to handle such situations.

      Thanks for taking out your valuable time to read my thoughts and respond to them.

      1. Love it ~ one of my favorite quotes is Milton’s “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” Cheers!

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