No Regrets Or Know Regrets…An Emotional thought!

No Regrets

I have always navigated through the turbulent times with a feeling and a thought that ‘I don’t want to have any regrets.’

I think everybody must have had this thought. Nobody wants to live with that remorse, that distress of mind, that disappointment, which gnaws at the mind, constantly nibbling away at the nerves.

Avoiding regrets:

Yet we do come across those little, insignificant moments of penitence, which are pushed around, we refuse to acknowledge them and they are forgotten.

It is quite natural to avoid what gives us pangs of guilt. We don’t want to think about those wrong choices we made, those opportunities we have lost and those irresponsible resolutions we could have pronounced.

Elena Kagan’s words really resonate with me: “I have no regrets. I don’t believe in looking back. What I am proudest of? Working really hard…and achieving as much as I could.”

I know I have always followed my gut but I have also learnt from my mistakes. I could never be influenced to do what I didn’t believe in. I have put in my best into whatever project I have undertaken.

I have given the best of opportunities to my children, I may have missed the best of chances to accomplish what I desired but I don’t regret it either. I chose what was best for me in the given circumstances.

Nobody has a perfect life – why have regrets? Accept them, live with them.

When we say we don’t have any regrets, we could be lying to ourselves!

Lets try to understand them:

  • You couldn’t follow your passion. You may not be having any other choice. So it is futile to grieve over the past, as you didn’t have any control over it.
  • Did you make a wrong choice? Probably you were carried away by emotions or you were too immature. You can’t be held accountable for that.
  • Did you take such decisions, which have affected somebody adversely? It is useless to bemoan those moments, as they can’t be recalled.
  • Did you hurt somebody? You may not have done it consciously.
  • Was your apology unacceptable to a dear one? It doesn’t matter because you have done all you could.
  • You were too naïve, you couldn’t see through the tricks of people, you couldn’t understand when they played with your emotions but none of them is your fault, the onus falls on them.

Accept them as your lessons since they are the learning experiences, which life offers. Please don’t let those experiences stall your growth.Regrets

When we look at the positive aspect of those regrets, we can get over them. It is quite possible that the career that you aspired for but could not choose was not meant for you!

When we make certain choices, we do so after contemplating. At that point of time, it appears to be the right decision.

“We don’t have to be defined by the things we did or didn’t do in our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it’s a regret, maybe it’s not. It’s merely something that happened. Get over it.” – Pittacus Lore

Real regrets:

When somebody is harmed or bullied intentionally, when torture or violence is inflicted knowingly, when somebody is deprived of basic rights, when oppressive strategies are employed to exert control, when nets of influence are cast to create rifts in loving relationships –such acts should be regretted and deplored.

Such regrets are not confessed or acknowledged. They are buried deep down in the minds of the perpetrators. They refuse to accept their offensive deportment.

However, the atonement for these deeds is not possible just through apology.

A lot of people have to deal with such regrets, which I call real regrets.

All the rest are little mistakes, which we are bound to make. They cannot and should not lead us into the dark alleys of regrets!

Do you give these little mistakes the name of regret? Please ponder before you answer this question.

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Balroop Singh.

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31 thoughts on “No Regrets Or Know Regrets…An Emotional thought!

  1. Regrets can poison a soul if one allows it. However, looking back and learning from a situation is beneficial for future growth. I try to think of how my choices affect others; this isn’t to say I always make the right one but I try.

    1. Hi Suzi,

      We don’t always make the right decisions but learning from each mistake is undoubtedly the key. Nobody consciously makes the mistakes, so regretting them makes no sense. Thanks for sharing your view, I appreciate it greatly.

  2. I tend to think of regretting in a similar way to how I regard speculation, in that both are ultimately futile. One is a projection into an unalterable past, the other a projection into an imaginary future. Recollecting past actions and resultants is fine and healthy at times, as is any necessary planning for what we imagine to be the future. Yet when we inhabit these things in terms of self-projections, when we place ourselves in the past and future, then we fail to see what these actions are in actuality, which is merely thought projections. It is a subtle distinction, but a critical one, as in not identifying with our projections in selfhood, we remove their power to harm and deceive.

    1. Hi Hariod,

      While I agree with you that regretting is futile, speculation can be conveniently dismissed but regrets weigh heavily on our mind as they are the vivid reminders of our past. Can we detach so easily from past mistakes? And if they have affected our present seriously?

      Aren’t past, present and future interconnected in such a manner that none can exist without the other? ‘Self-projections do empower us the handle negative thoughts successfully.

      Thanks for sharing your prudent insights, always appreciated and welcomed warmly.

      1. The point I made was perhaps an unnecessarily subtle one Balroop, as well as being one not readily applicable in the normal run of things – mixing the mundane and supramundane hardly ever is effective! To put it more simply, we could perhaps bring to mind the old adage about rejecting the sin but not the sinner. When you refer to ‘past mistakes’, these equate to the ‘sin’ which we will quite naturally form a judgement about in seeing it as an error of thought and action, the whole being retained in memory of course. What is unnecessary and ultimately erroneous is to attach any sense of self to it – to identify with it egoically – because in so doing it is just this which affects our present negatively.

      2. Hi Hariod,

        Thanks for responding to my perspective by elaborating on your insight. I feel it is quite challenging to erase the memories we value, the decisions that led us into dark corridors, with a lot of struggle to emerge out, which could snatch some of the finer moments and years of life.

  3. This is a biggie, Balroop. I’m glad you brought this topic to the light. I wish I could say “No regrets!” Shout it to the world. It would be a lie though. It’s human to have some regrets. Like you say, if they’re small we can get over them and learn from them. If we have hurt others beyond repair? That calls for serious atonement. My conclusion is that it’s human to regret but we must not let them interfere with our happiness. Easier said than done 🙂 Great post!!

    1. Hi Lisa,

      I am glad that this topic seems to be of such significance to you. It is okay to have regrets and move on with them as far as we are willing to learn and forget the real issues that cause distress or angst.

      I try to detach myself from anguish that may be caused by the so called regrets wherein my role may be 40%, even 50%. I prefer to make peace with those wrong decisions and forget and forgive.
      Thanks for sharing such an honest view. xoxo!

  4. Totally agree.

    Emotionally yes we all regret sometimes.

    But we also ….DO….KNOW……what ever happens to us happens FOR US !!

    If not this time, next time and….. there is always….. a next time and next birth ( at least for me ) !!.

    The Creation ( we ) and the Creator are eternally tied up. He is not going anywhere and we are also, in no hurry !!

    1. Hi Surinder,

      Welcome to my blog. The age-old dictum is still true – all happens for good and all those regrets, which try to create an imbalance in our life are the greatest teachers.
      Yes, I do agree with your beliefs…the mysterious connection guides us and misguides too, even the scriptures say so.
      However, the term ‘hurry’ is quite hypothetical.
      Thanks for sharing your philosophical views, much appreciated.

  5. Hi Balroop,

    Wonderful post indeed 🙂

    Oh yes…we ALL do have ample of regrets, it’s just that some of us might not realize it, and even if we do, we don’t admit it! But regrets are a part of our lives, and I think it’s through them we learn, grow, evolved, and mature.

    We all make mistakes sometime or the other and if we regret them, we realize the importance and value them more. Such lessons learnt are never forgotten, in fact, they teach you so much in return. So, they are actually a blessing in disguise.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂

    1. Hi Harleena,

      Regrets or no regrets – we have to move on. Whether we acknowledge them or shove them under the carpet, we keep coming back in the form of memories that may start haunting if we ignore them.

      Life doesn’t give another chance to improve upon our past mistakes. I think it is wiser to accept them, learn from them and take care not to repeat them. Yes, they do prove to be a blessing sometimes as missed opportunity, which we keep regretting for a long time may unfold in a more profitable manner.

      Thanks for the kind words, much appreciated. Wish you too an awesome week.

  6. –I don’t have many regrets. I believe I am where I am supposed to be…And evolving with the choices I’ve made….

    But I do have one. I regret not getting Kay out of her house sooner.

    xxx

    1. Kim, please don’t blame yourself for the insanity of a man who doesn’t deserve to be remembered even in your gloomiest thoughts. Certain situations just slip out of our hands. Kay lives in our hearts, forever.

  7. Your discussion of accepting the past resonates with me as I have done this over the past few years. It has been a long process but does ultimately help us to move forward. Many people choose not to try to understand their pasts and then I think they wind up with regrets they find it difficult to live with… I enjoyed your post very much, Balroop. xx

    1. Hi Christy,

      I am glad that you have overcome past…we all have to because this is one area where we can’t make any changes, we can only accept it. Regrets lead us into those unknown paths, confusing alleys and backstreets, which have no exit.
      Thanks for adding your perspective to the discussion. I appreciate it.

  8. You are such a strong person. People tell me I’m a strong person and learn my lessons and apply them as needed, but it’s so hard at times. Posts like this are good to read at the end of the day when so much is going through my mind.

    1. Thanks Jeri. I have built this strength bit by bit with each setback, getting up and drowning one weakness at a time, learning from hard times and converting negative thoughts into positive. Yes! it is very challenging at times but I refuse to give up!
      Thanks for sharing your view.

  9. Only thing we do about the past is learn from it and use the learning in the future, rest other things are meaningless and pulls back our growth and progress in life. Anyway life is short and we have to do many things…Regret on past is something which will pull back and keep us on hold, life is about growth and moving forward…though it is always good to pause and reflect back but no point brooding and regretting on the past which was not favorable or not to our liking, many things in life we have accept and move ahead, if we keep questioning ourselves for the past wrong doing or doing which we should have done better has no meaning unless we keep that learning into practice in future…

    Very nice and intriguing thoughts…

    1. HI Nihar,

      I agree with you…brooding over the past, which is gone and lost doesn’t serve any purpose. Given the opportunity, we would all like to live those moments differently but could again make some new mistakes…carry some new regrets and you never know they could be bigger! ‘Perfection’… which we yearn for in life and relationships exists only in the stories. Life is too complicated to accomplish flawless living.

      Thanks for contributing your thoughts to the discussion, much appreciated.

      1. I am enjoying your posts, very intriguing and diverse in its coverage…just by taking on a small aspect of regret in life how beautifully you have managed to present a case for debate…looking forward to more such engaging interactions…

      2. Thanks Nihar. Regret is not a small aspect, it can nibble away our happiness if it is not compelled to stay within limits. It can mar our future and our endeavours to pursue success. It can ruin our relationships if we don’t introspect whose fault it was actually. It can close all doors of communication and dump us into depression.

  10. Hmmm…hi Balroop…interesting one. Do I have regret? I have experience and learning. And yes, a couple regrets. I made all my decisions based on my intuition so i was right at the time. A couple times I went against my intuition and those were biggest regrets of my life. But today, I don’t regret having those decisions or actions. I simply regret not having followed my intuition. Today, I try very hard to stay true to my intuition and it is serving me well. Regrets have enhanced and enriched my life to remind me to stay true to my truth.

    1. Hi Vishnu,

      I also listen to my intuition, which has grown more powerful with experience and age. When we are very young, we doubt it at certain times. Also persons whom we respect and love can easily talk us into some decisions, which we may regret later on.

      I agree with you…each experience enriches our life and helps us redefine our values. Thanks for contributing to this discussion.

  11. Excellent post!~ I love the way you are able to put down in words all these great things. Thanks for the good advice!~ Love and best wishes. Aquileana 😀

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