I have always navigated through the turbulent times with a feeling and a thought that ‘I don’t want to have any regrets.’
I think everybody must have had this thought. Nobody wants to live with that remorse, that distress of mind, that disappointment, which gnaws at the mind, constantly nibbling away at the nerves.
Yet we do come across those little, insignificant moments of penitence, which are pushed around, we refuse to acknowledge them and they are forgotten.
It is quite natural to avoid what gives us pangs of guilt. We don’t want to think about those wrong choices we made, those opportunities we have lost and those irresponsible resolutions we could have pronounced.
Elena Kagan’s words really resonate with me: “I have no regrets. I don’t believe in looking back. What I am proudest of? Working really hard…and achieving as much as I could.”
I know I have always followed my gut but I have also learnt from my mistakes. I could never be influenced to do what I didn’t believe in. I have put in my best into whatever project I have undertaken.
I have given the best of opportunities to my children, I may have missed the best of chances to accomplish what I desired but I don’t regret it either. I chose what was best for me in the given circumstances.
Nobody has a perfect life – why have regrets? Accept them, live with them.
When we say we don’t have any regrets, we could be lying to ourselves!
Lets try to understand them:
- You couldn’t follow your passion. You may not be having any other choice. So it is futile to grieve over the past, as you didn’t have any control over it.
- Did you make a wrong choice? Probably you were carried away by emotions or you were too immature. You can’t be held accountable for that.
- Did you take such decisions, which have affected somebody adversely? It is useless to bemoan those moments, as they can’t be recalled.
- Did you hurt somebody? You may not have done it consciously.
- Was your apology unacceptable to a dear one? It doesn’t matter because you have done all you could.
- You were too naïve, you couldn’t see through the tricks of people, you couldn’t understand when they played with your emotions but none of them is your fault, the onus falls on them.
When we look at the positive aspect of those regrets, we can get over them. It is quite possible that the career that you aspired for but could not choose was not meant for you!
When we make certain choices, we do so after contemplating. At that point of time, it appears to be the right decision.
“We don’t have to be defined by the things we did or didn’t do in our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it’s a regret, maybe it’s not. It’s merely something that happened. Get over it.” – Pittacus Lore
When somebody is harmed or bullied intentionally, when torture or violence is inflicted knowingly, when somebody is deprived of basic rights, when oppressive strategies are employed to exert control, when nets of influence are cast to create rifts in loving relationships –such acts should be regretted and deplored.
Such regrets are not confessed or acknowledged. They are buried deep down in the minds of the perpetrators. They refuse to accept their offensive deportment.
However, the atonement for these deeds is not possible just through apology.
A lot of people have to deal with such regrets, which I call real regrets.
All the rest are little mistakes, which we are bound to make. They cannot and should not lead us into the dark alleys of regrets!
Do you give these little mistakes the name of regret? Please ponder before you answer this question.
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