We brush it aside, we try to repudiate this emotion but jealousy is a natural and inborn emotion. Does it stem from comparison or immaturity?
Is it caused by Inferiority complex?
Only self-analysis can reveal the truth about it.
We pick up comparison from our environment. We may not like it but we have to face it all the time during our formative years.
When we are told to take inspiration from our older sibling, who happens to be a genius, there is an instant feeling of hostility that gnaws at us. Our love for that big brother might snub it for a while but it keeps simmering. Our own homes are the seed grounds of jealousy.
When we are constantly reminded that the children of our age behave in a particular manner, when all children are expected to excel, when we are expected to adjust well in a peer group, which assesses our capabilities and skills, we become oversensitive.
Jealousy is actually a combination of hurt and resentment, rage and humiliation…when we are not mature enough to handle them, insecurity and fear creep in to accentuate it.
Sometimes jealousy seems to be “a living thing. Shifting, changing, growing…”, as Katja Millay says.
It grows when you look at your friend’s success and feel… ‘I was always smarter than him.’
Why is jealousy bad?
- It breeds negative thoughts
- It harms relationships
- It makes us suspicious and encourages lack of trust
- It shakes even our own confidence
- It can be self-destructive
If we grow up with comparison, jealousy becomes a habit. When we compare our achievements, material possessions and happiness with our friends or neighbors, we can only see one aspect of their successful life. Grass always seems to be greener in other’s backyard, which could actually be full of weeds. Those pictures of your friend on Facebook could be façade to hide the reality of their marriage. The moment we try to understand the truth of such pretensions, jealousy melts away.
Learn to communicate:
All emotions need a channel of communication, more so when they happen to be negative. When we express and acknowledge jealousy, we expel it out to a greater extent. If you share your fears and disappointments with your friend, if you tell your partner that you feel uncomfortable in the company of his friends or you feel insecure about your relationship with him for whatever reasons, which lead you to jealousy, an understanding spouse could help you dispel those feelings.
When we move with a halo of confidence around us, we are endowed with immense power to deal with all kinds of emotions and situations. Rage transforms itself into conviction to forge ahead with added zest and resentment becomes the armor. If your partner is being unfair, you can confront him/her with greater poise. If you have been denied that much deserved promotion, you can think of shifting gears to move ahead.
Trust fosters confidence and cements relationships. Do you keep an eye on who is texting your partner? Do you doubt the intentions of your boss? Do you feel less proficient than your colleagues? If so, you need to train your mind to have faith in your potential. You have to keep reminding yourself that you have been quite successful and therefore the opportunities would come knocking at your door. Jealousy over the promotion of a colleague is quite futile if we know we don’t deserve it.
It is imperative to know our inner self and work on our fears and weaknesses. Jealousy is the twin sister of insecurity, which emanates from our frailties. Many fears keep lurking around us when we try to convince ourselves that we have controlled them. Learning from the given situations, which lead us to jealousy, self-reflection and watching our thoughts to keep them on positive track is extremely helpful in snubbing jealousy.
Think about your own uniqueness:
Each individual has some distinctive qualities, which can be embellished to shine in a crowd. One of my friends is incredibly kind and would help even those who keep hurting you emotionally. The oft-repeated answer is…‘we shouldn’t we abdicate our goodness even in the face of callousness.’
Let us be thankful for the blessings we possess – good health, ample food, loving children and a home that we can make happier with our efforts. When we develop the habit of gratitude, we can deal with negative emotions more successfully. Jealousy cannot be completely obliterated but accepting it and talking about it may help us understand it more.
It can be converted into envy to make it worthwhile. Though envy is a feeling of ‘discontent or covetousness with regard to other’s success’ but it keeps our thoughts positive and encourages us to emulate those who are successful or considered to be better than us.
Are you jealous or envious? How do you deal with these emotions? I would love to hear your views.
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