When Our Emotions Get Hurt…

People,detach

I am sure you can relate to this. We all have bruised egos, bleeding hearts and moments of discontent. Emotional upheavals are a part of our lives.

We have a lot of expectations from our near and dear ones, especially our parents, children, siblings and friends.

We love them and expect the same kind of love in return. We do the best for them and think that they would understand us. Many times they misinterpret our love as interference.

Our definition of love could be different from theirs. Their lack of interaction with us may disappoint us, we may wonder where did we err, which has made them selfish and self-centered and we may even feel guilty for having failed to have that kind of warmth we anticipate.

Too much love boomerangs. It loses its sheen. Our emotions get hurt.

At such moments, try to put yourself in their shoes. Just think that their perspective could be unlike ours.

I know it takes a lot of time to rise from the dumps of emotional distress…

The babies we nurtured are grown up adults now, emotionally and financially independent. They like to take their own decisions.

The parents who doted on them seem to be superfluous. You could be one such parent.

The siblings who shared all their secrets with us have their own soul mates and children, who are dearer to them than us.

We may feel isolated.

The friends we had have moved on with their life.

When situations change, attitudes also change. Emotional balance appears to be the most significant aspect of such a scenario.

How to handle emotional hurts?

Learn from hurts: We have to accept change, which is an inevitable law of life. All relationships evolve with the passage of time. Prepare yourself for change in the outlook of people around you. Please understand that their own life and pursuits are more important for them. They don’t mean to hurt you; they just have a different perception, which you may not appreciate.

Learn to trust them: Your contribution to the growth and development of persons in your life could have been gigantic but now is the time to sit back and take pride in their success and happiness. You can trust them to take responsible decisions. If they seem to go astray, you can only help them by reminding them but they will learn only when they stumble.Love you

Give up control: It may seem very difficult to give up the role of mentoring your children yet you cannot control them all your life. The sooner you realize this, the better it is for your mental health. Don’t give them any advice if it is not asked.

Let them be what they choose: The best gift you can give to your children and siblings is – let them be what they want. It may be against your own ideals and expectations but you cant snatch their happiness by imposing your view on them.

Support them: Despite the differences and bitterness, which creep into relationships slowly, don’t alienate yourself. Keep in touch and support their decisions. Give your opinion only when asked to. Remember you are no longer the most important person in their lives.

Respect yourself: If you feel alienated at some stage of life, step back and introspect. Let all the thoughts gather and sift the ones, which can help in getting over the hurt. Brooding or letting the past linger around you can only accentuate the ache. Let go the past, give it some time to wilt and wither. You will emerge stronger.

Cultivate emotional balance: Don’t get carried away by the attitudes, which could hurt your emotions, don’t try to be judgmental even if the indifference of a dear friend or a sibling is irksome. Learn to give them a benefit of doubt as your thoughts could be far fetched.

Find new activities: Keep yourself busy, join a club, a recreation center or revive one of those hobbies you couldn’t pursue. Spread your arms and feel free. If you are an introvert, take refuge in your old journal and share your feelings with it.

Nobody listens to our emotions as ardently as our journal.

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.” – Max Lerner

How do you deal with emotional hurts? I am waiting for your answers.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

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31 thoughts on “When Our Emotions Get Hurt…

  1. Emotions are such a profound part of our existence. It is perhaps the real essence of life, life without emotion is something we just cannot imagine…emotions are have direct linkage to age and time, it is never the same and it keeps changing and the pace is what we find difficult to catch and match…

    As rightly pointed out we have to let go and we have build our trust and we have believe their trust and their decisions, we have to appreciate their way of living and their way of thinking, it cannot be our way and we should force and impose our feelings on them and many times we do so inadvertently and we don’t realize it.

    The nature of relationship keep changing with time and no friend or no family members stay with the same feelings that once defined our friendship of relation, it undergoes major changes with changing aspirations.

    The quote sums it up all so beautifully, it still lingering in my mind…
    Thanks so much for sharing one more insightful post…
    😀

    1. Hi Nihar,

      Truly, life without emotions would be weird, all kinds of emotions whether positive or negative mold us, cheer us, keep us occupied in various ways…sometimes that entangle us so much that it seems difficult to break free.

      The ways of the world are so strange…emotions bind us but they also demand detachment! We look forward to closeness and friendship but find great solace in solitude! The love and companionship that we share with our siblings gets lost in the tide of time, the traces are carried away, all the search seems futile!

      New relationships seem stronger but all emotions are transient, they keep evolving and those who get stuck in the web of emotions suffer the most.

      Thanks for the words of appreciation, I am glad you found this post insightful. 🙂

      1. I agree emotions are double edge sword, we need it to protect us and at the same time we should know where to break and keep a distance from emotions and look at life with the glass of emotion driving our thinking and living. Never easy to think and do something in life without the tinge of emotions. The affection and love are such integral part of our life, the family foundation resides on the power of these emotions. Yes, all emotions are transient and they keep changing and we should know where to catch and where to leave, nothing is permanent and nothing is more profound in life than the emotions that keeps us bonded and glued to the beauty of life.
        Have a lovely weekend.
        😀

      2. Is it so easy to ‘break and keep a distance’? I guess it varies from individual to individual…I wonder how some are more vulnerable…why some get carried away…at what stage emotions get the better of us. Never tried to look back and ponder! probably another topic to discuss.
        Thanks for providing your valuable inputs, greatly appreciated, dear friend.
        Wishing you a blessed weekend as well 🙂

  2. Another beautiful post of yours. The quote at the beginning is a very profound.
    Relationships change over a period of time and we have to be elastic enough to adjust ourselves accordingly. Whining over changing relationships doesn’t help beyond an extent. As you have rightly pointed out we have to learn to give up control, which at times is easier said than done, we need to still stand by them and most of all we have to respect ourselves.
    Thanks for sharing this post.

    1. Yes Somali, whining takes us nowhere…it just turns our own near and dear ones away from us. It is wiser to accept the change, the sooner we understand it, the better it is for saving whatever is left.

      Respect is most important in any relationship, the moment it wanes, there is nothing to look forward to as it becomes very difficult to revive such a relationship.

      Thanks for sharing your perspective, much appreciated.

  3. I especially appreciate your advice to find new activities. In my life, the exposure to new people, while doing something fun or learning something new, has instantly broadened a narrowed view of my circumstances. And it’s something to consider even in the midst of satisfying relationships simply for the joy of it.

    1. Hi Diana,

      There is one more benefit of finding new activities, the urge to learn revives and new friends add their own positivity to our thoughts. I am glad you have found joy in this way…all depends on the kind of people we happen to meet. I find great joy in writing and sharing my views.

      Thanks for coming over and adding an invaluable point to this discussion.

  4. I love this post Balroop. It’s such a wonderful reminder of how we can nurture changing relationships without taking it too personally. Self respect and letting our children/siblings/friends be who and what they choose. Great advice. I try to always practice that with my own (adult) children. My son is 21 today, in fact. I’m very proud of him. I try to love instead of judge but that’s not to say I don’t get hurt sometimes. Thanks for this beautiful reminder! 🙂

    1. Thanks Lisa. We need such reminders to ourselves to make peace with our hurts and changing relationships. Mutual respect makes us caring and compassionate, which are the key qualities of relationships.

      Learning comes slowly as children grow up and yes, the mixed feelings of pride and detachment are quite overwhelming. Thanks for your continued support, dear friend. I value it greatly.

  5. Beautiful post ,This is what we all go through at one or the other point. It is hard to let go but we need to do both things side by side first let go and second is let them know that we support them what they do.
    I try to keep myself in their place what was I when I was their age, and try to understand them .But at the same time now I started showing them I am busy although I am always free for them. And believe me I love when they come in and notice me doing something or the other on my Laptop. And I love when they call me for whatever they want 🙂 Hope It will be same always. I message them time to time just some of the quotes I like just to share my thoughts with them.As today I was reading your post I shared quote with my 22 years old son and got a nice reply for it So I am happy 🙂
    Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts as they are boost up in life.

    1. Hi Daljeet,

      Love your wise words…’let go but support them’. Yes, that is what life is! We discover slowly as we proceed that emotions should be trained and channelised to keep them healthy. Brooding over what is not in our hands doesn’t bring solace.

      I am so happy for you that children have flowered so well, you have given space to them and found some new activities for yourself. Great! My love and best wishes for all of you. Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts. I appreciated them.

  6. “When situations change, attitudes also change.” That is so true, Balroop. Love and attachment towards others can change over time depending on what comes our way in life. Giving up control can be hard because we feel like we are losing something…and I think often that’s the case and there is some sacrifice that has to be made.

    How do I deal with emotional hurts? As you suggested, I keep busy and focus on doing what makes me happy. Anything to take my off from my recent past and look towards the future. There is only so much we can achieve – and learn to love again – by dwelling on the past 🙂

    1. Hi Mabel,

      Thanks for endorsing all the emotions that I have highlighted in this post. You are so good at picking up the key point! Nobody wants to change and love in the heart never wanes, it only adjusts with the changing situations, which are beyond our control.

      Emotional hurts dont heal when we keep ourselves busy, they only take a back space for the time being. They do keep coming back in the form of thoughts, memories and dreams till we talk to them, convince them and assuage them with our positive thinking.

      Thanks for sharing your insights, loved them. Stay blessed.

      1. Such an interesting perspective, that emotional hurts will sort of always haunt us at some point. That might be painful but when we know pain, then only will know what true happiness and love is, and to appreciate the latter when they come along.

      2. Thanks Mabel. Emotional hurts make us wiser, so does the pain, a natural associate of hurts. Yes we appreciate happiness only after we have experienced pain…emotions are so paradoxical!

  7. It is something that is talking to me Balroop. My child is still young. But I do feel this with friends. Once we were there for each other, we needed this time together. And now we are all living our own life, we know what’s best for us or not. But we moved on. And sometime it’s tough for me to accept this. I am happy for them, for us, but I do miss the past, just a bit. I miss the time when we where together all the time. I miss what we thought was the best years.
    Slowly I am making my way, knowing that we are loving each other but that love does not mean we have to be in each other’s life every day. Some days are harder than others.
    Maybe it prepares me for the next phase, the one when my boy will be old enough to make his own choice, and go on with his life, away from me. It is what we wishes when we get them and it is what we feel afraid of when it’s time for them. Interesting.
    Take care and thank you for these advices and how to deal with these situations.
    Love From France.

  8. Hi Marie,

    I am glad my thoughts resonate with you so well. Since your child is so young, it is the time to enrich your emotional arena, pass the loving emotions on to him so that he can learn the importance of attachments and love, It is only when he would find new friends and pursuits that you would wonder why he is drifting apart.

    Yes, friends are the greatest assets but when they get busy with their life, we do miss those moments of togetherness and sharing each and every thought with them. I too had such friends who are far away now and there is a vacuum, which can’t be filled.

    Emotional setbacks do prepare us for absorbing more by making us resilient…that is how life goes forward. Stay blessed and be happy, that is in our hands. 🙂

  9. Hi Balroop,

    A great piece.

    I suppose it all comes down to holding the awareness that:

    (1) The occurring world of even someone very close would be different from ours. And this difference in occurring would correlate to difference in thoughts, priorities and actions.
    (2) We would be wrong to judge others through the prism of our own perceptions.

    Cheers

    Shakti

  10. Hi Shakti,

    Thanks for the words of appreciation. Your succinct and philosophical observation conveys how simple emotions are for some and how complicated for others. Perceptions do make all the difference but there is one more emotion – sensitivity, which is innate and difficult to imbibe if we don’t have the inclination.

    I appreciate your stopping by and even share your view, I value it immensely.

  11. We all have to negotiate our way through emotions of varying shades at various stages in our lives, Balroop, and your post clearly explains it all. The key is to maintain right degree of detachment in dealings with people and handling of situations, which should come with experience.

  12. Balroop, I do feel that parents need to plant seeds of independence and allow space for children to error and find out what they need to do. I think you gave good, sound advice. 🙂

    1. Thanks Robin, I am glad you agree with my thoughts. These are the lessons that life teaches…I wish we had known them as young mothers!
      I appreciate your standing by and sharing your view.

      1. You have shared also many good parenting suggestions in this article you wrote. I just chose one aspect which you mentioned as “let them be as they choose” and “support their decisions.” Fine and excellent advice. I have found not needing to know everything they are doing allows my freedom to do the other element you chose to include, making myself a priority. Thank you for reminding me of this, since sometimes I forget yo now move forward. I just joined a senior center and a book club. 🙂

      2. Its good to focus on self. I too have to find some new activities though I am too busy with the love and care of my grandchildren! Family has always been my focus and attraction…emotions have always controlled me!
        Thanks for sharing your view, a good reminder. Stay blessed.

  13. A lot of good advice. Much of this is especially relevant when interacting with our adult children. Often we can show our love by NOT offering advice, but by just being there with the love and support our offspring need as they address (and hopefully) solve their problems THEMSELVES. This is a variation of tough love, a concept that seems to have fallen out of favor in our society today.

    1. Hi Joe,

      We all need love and support but the expectations differ. There was a time I had just one definition of love…but experience is a great teacher!
      Hope you are doing well friend. Stay blessed and healthy. Thank you for standing by, much appreciated.

  14. Wonderful thoughts here Balroop… all too often we feel bruised as we feel isolated as our family drifts apart..
    I know speaking from my own past as the eldest of 5 siblings, I always felt it my duty to keep us all together as I had always been the eldest and been ‘in-charge’ of them so to speak,, being dubbed Little Mother by my Aunt gives you an idea..

    So when the family broke apart, I think I took on the wounds more deeply..
    Loved reading your wisdom given here Balroop
    Thank you ..
    Blessings Sue

    1. Hi Sue,

      Some bruises are universal…human behavior is the same all over the globe, families always have misunderstandings and hurts, some intentional and some unintentional. Real achievers are the one who emerge stronger and wiser, who learn from the experiences of life and move on.

      Thank you so much for sharing your personal story. I am sure you must have been a wonderful ‘in charge’!

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