True Love Or Perfect Love?

True love is a mirage
Have you met true love? Is there anything called perfect love? These thoughts have been pestering me since I have read Vishnu’s latest book.

I don’t post all the reviews of the books I read at my blog but whenever my oldest blogger friend Vishnu (who visited my blog when it was more like a ghost abode) launches a book, he stirs my emotions and thoughts and I find a connection to say more than just about his book.

This time his book focuses on relationships, love and emotions – the topics, which pull at the strings of my heart.

The very title of his book ‘Does True Love Exist’ is thought provoking and I had a lot to say even before reading this book. I have posted my formal review about his book but some reflections that have been fluttering in my heart have to be shared before I move ahead.

True love is a mirage… it does exist. We do get enamored and infatuated by it but we have to keep following it till eternity. One of my poems glorifies true love:

True love keeps smiling in our eyes
Like a fountain that never dries
It instills hope, respect, patience
The journey of love is so elating.
Read full poem.

True love could be romantic but it wears off if it is not watered consistently with affection, care, respect and kindness. Romantic love morphs into a loving and eternal relationship if we understand what is love.

Interpretations of love differ and are as varied as people around the globe.

Vishnu talks about finding a person of your choice and developing a loving and healthy relationship, which we all yearn for. Taking a cue from his personal experiences, Vishnu’s sane advice is to love yourself before you decide about the love of your life.

Love yourself?

While I agree with the concept of self-love, I have observed so much of self-love in some cases that it makes a person self-centered, self-obsessed with one’s own needs, which leads people into their own realms of being the masters, not just of the house they live in but of the lives of persons who live in their so called home.

True love?

Vishnu says it is possible to find true love if you meet people and keep eliminating them one by one. The thoughts that still reverberate in my mind after finishing his book are…Appearances are deceptive, people put up their best behavior when they want to impress and continue to do so till their motives are accomplished.

Aren’t imperfections part of our personality?

While nobody would choose an alcoholic, a cheater or a liar consciously, you need one full life to detect a pretender or a compulsive liar who poses to be loving and truthful, denies each time that he lied and promises that he wouldn’t.True love is like ghosts - quote

True love cannot be found. It is not an artifact or a treasure, which could be discovered. It has to be learned and nurtured slowly. How rightly did William Shakespeare say: “The course of true love never did run smooth.”

Passionate love, love that claims to get the moon or the stars for us, fiery love…they are all forms of youthful, immature infatuation.

True love is a fairy tale, which can be transformed into reality by rewriting each chapter by hearing the whispers of each other’s heart, by believing in those whispers and absorbing the aches that lie within.

True love is the journey of lifetime across the rough sea, weathering all the storms on a surfing board. You may not be able to hold each other’s hand when the tide is high but you know that somebody is around to take care!

Do you believe in such love?

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

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78 thoughts on “True Love Or Perfect Love?

  1. A gritty subject, to be sure. Agreed in full on this, “Interpretations of love differ and are as varied as people around the globe.” As to the subject of self love, I completely agree that we must love self before we can truly share deep love with another. Self centeredness is not self love, rather it seems to me to be a cover for feelings of lack. Self love is a kind self regard, it is allowing ourselves our imperfections and forgiving ourselves our inadequacies. If we can do this for ourselves, we surely then extend this forgiving, empathic nature to a partner. If we hate ourselves, when that mirror our partner serves as keeps reflecting back to us, it’s too easy to find fault with them and blame them, especially when we’re triggered.

    As for ‘true love,’ romantic love, passion and friendship – these can definitely exist in a mature relationship. To ‘expect’ love to be all of these things all the time – ahh, therein lies the rub. The tides ebb and flow, we are two people doing a dance through life’s individual as well as collective challenges. To support one another when we, ourselves are pushed to our limits – when it is difficult and not when it is easy – this I find only deepens love for one’s partner. Respect is earned, not conferred through seeing one another through, for both admitting when we’re wrong, for loving our weaknesses as well as our strengths.

    And that is my take on the subject! Aloha, Balroop ❤

    1. Self-love too seems to have different interpretations! If self-love is what you say Bela, then it could never hurt but it does, when people carry it too far. All don’t admit their imperfections, all are not empathetic and forgiving and those whose self-love transforms them into egoistics are the ones who cannot understand true love.
      I agree with you dear friend…’gritty’…Ah! I like that word! True love can be earned, not commanded, nurtured through understanding and respect.
      Thank you for sharing your insights. Stay blessed!

      1. Found this quote on the ‘net’ – anonymous, of course. But it might make my words clearer. Self love and selfishness are Not the same thing to me, at least, “Self love is loving yourself. Selfishness is putting your wants and needs before others. They are not in conflict with one another nor do they relate.” Another good (short) take on it: http://yourzenlife.com/self-love-vs-selfishness/
        Aloha, Balroop!

  2. I believe in true love which is quite rare. True love is unconditional. But too many expectations these days suffocate and slowly kill the love.

  3. Yes Swalia, I believe in true love but also see the extreme difficulties in a society that is losing its close connection to what is genuine and true. You say beautifully ” by hearing the whispers of each other’s heart, by believing in those whispers and absorbing the aches that lie within”.
    True and open communication is at the root of love that can survive.
    Keep believing 😊
    miriam

    1. Thanks Miriam…the list is forming itself here…accept imperfections, give respect, lower expectations, open communication…let’s see what more do we have!

  4. This is such an open-ended subject and you tackled it so well from different perspectives, Balroop. I agree with the thought toward the end, that true love cannot be found. We all change as people over time as we go through experiences, so the meaning of love and what is love to us – be it self-love or love from someone else – changes sa well. Nothing is ever perfect, and no love is perfect too. There is always room to improve and try, and to move along to a better day or a better person individually or relationship together.

    It’s not to say I don’t believe in fairy tales as you suggested…. I do. But I am a believer in creating our own opportunities and future. Congrats on your friend Vishnu and his new book 🙂 Happy week to you, my friend 🙂

    1. I agree with you Mabel, this open-ended subject is exciting as well as confusing. It’s contours keep changing with age and experience. Sometimes it evolves into a lasting and blissful relationship but most of the times it hits a dead end…all depends on the way we handle it.
      Keep believing in fairy tales dear friend…some of them are real! Thanks for sharing your view. 🙂 Stay blessed!

  5. Such an interesting post Balroop.. One which can not be answered with a yes or a no..
    I think we are constantly searching.. for that true bliss.. Yet I wonder if we found it, how long it would be before we got bored of it..
    True Love has to be all encompassing.. Unconditionally without judgment.. Who among us can say we have not judged our partners.. Have not at one time or another become frustrated, angry and hurt..
    Yet we still love..
    Love to me, is deep.. It means working at our relationships and it means working upon ourselves.. I know many things about me can be annoying, So it is about give and take.. Learning to share, care, and be tolerant and forgiving..
    When we fail to meet in the middle, and compromise, its when things start to fall apart.. For a relationship is not one sided.. but a mutual understanding..
    I know I am far from perfect.. So finding perfection in love is all a matter of perspective.. What is perfect for one, may not be perfect for another..
    A very interesting thought provoking article you have written.. And the Book I am sure makes one think deeper into the subject..

    Love and Blessings dear Balroop. wishing you a peaceful Sunday xxx ❤ Sue

    1. Oh yes Sue…some questions are beyond our understanding and by the time we learn, time, the great old gypsy man smiles at us to show us the mirror! The search for the right answers is endless as love keeps evolving and the more we follow it, the farther it seems to move away just like a mirage! Hurts, betrayal, frustrations and disappointments are natural phases on the path of love but perfection a far cry.
      Thank you for delving deep into the thoughts of love and perfection…no love is non-judgmental. Stay blessed! Love and blessings back to you dear friend.

  6. I’m a believer, too, Balroop! Love this topic and LOVE Vishnu’s message—always. I’ve experienced both kinds of love so I can spot the difference now quite easily. I’m fortunate to enjoy the true kind in my relationship now (have been in for 10 years now). Sometimes we have to experience the superficial kind of love to understand what true love is NOT. Fabulous post, Balroop. Vishnu’s book is on my list.

    1. I am glad you didn’t lose faith in finding the love of your life Lisa. Who can give a better definition of true love than you! Stay blessed! Thanks for your kind words.

  7. Hi Balroop, This is such an interesting topic that one could go on discussing at length about it. The questions that you have raised are about the much hyped ‘True Love’ are absolutely valid. First of all, does it ever exist? If it does, can it be found (like a tailor-made suit)? In average, how much time and how many eliminations lead to the discovery of true love? All these things are difficult to generalise. Though, a person may click better with a certain person emotionally or romantically, but as you say even that passionate relationship needs to be nurtured with affection, care, respect and kindness for it to become a steady & stable & long-term relationship. Loved the poem and the quotes. This post tempts me to read your review of Vishnu’s book.

    1. This is an ever fresh topic Somali and a lot can be said about it…I am overwhelmed by the opinions today, which have come quick and fast! Probably because everybody can connect with some aspect of true love and everyone tries to find it but only few are lucky enough to keep it. Thanks for chiming in with your inputs. 🙂 Stay blessed!
      I have provided the link to Vishnu’s book in the post.

  8. Interesting post with lots to think about. I tend to agree more with Shakespeare. Of course there is ‘love at first sight’ but that kind of love is the new and exciting part of meeting that one person who we hope is our true love. True love is formed over time through respect, commitment, honesty and endurance. 🙂

    1. Yes Deb…love that endures all the storms is indeed true! I don’t believe in ‘love at first sight’ because that is just attraction for the countenance of a person…what matters is what lies within.
      Thanks for sharing your view. 🙂 Have a relaxing Sunday.

  9. When young and naive, I believed in true love. It was something in the back of my heart or deep in my soul that knew there was one person just for me. Then real life hit. I thought I was in love, got hurt, tried again, got hurt, repeat, repeat. Yet every time, I knew deep down this was not the man meant for me, but I was tempted with hope.

    By the time I was 30, I gave up. Sad as it sounds, I lost faith in that little voice deep inside. Gave up and settled, had kids and existed. I silenced that voice, threatened to kill it because it only made me angry, reminding me I had stopped looking, hadn’t looked hard enough and would live forever with that regret. It hadn’t helped and I believed it lied to me.

    But the voice was stronger than I thought. It kept yelling at me and a few years ago, I started to listen again, and it gave me faith and courage to continue the journey. I figured if real life and everything that spoke against it couldn’t kill it that maybe there was a thread of truth to it.

    True love is out there. I’ve heard it whisper on the evening breeze, felt its presence in my dreams and saw it in the faces of lovers both old and young.

    I do not believe in fairy tales, but I strongly believe in true love. It is not perfect love, it’s just there, unconditionally, unspoken, a perfect match of the souls, an energy that bonds two people from the beginning of time. Will it be easy? Nothing worth having is.

    To believe otherwise would…well, be a fatal blow to the fantastic world in which I believe. It would deflate my sails, and though I would continue the journey, I would resolve to continue it alone for I will never settle again.

    1. Welcome to Emotional Shadows Diane, I am delighted to have you here.
      Wow! what a beautiful perspective, worded so well…I love your faith in love that spoke to you despite the heartbreaks. I am amazed at your dream world merging into reality. Yes, we do see some lovers who grew old together but they faced all the turbulences together, they faltered and they learnt, they fought and they could still look into each other’s eyes, they never gave up hope…those who stay committed and are ready to learn stay glued. Those who keep pointing fingers at each other and refuse to accept their imperfections keep drifting apart, as true love has to be nurtured by both the partners.
      Thank you for sharing your personal insights, they have added so much of love to this post. Stay blessed! 🙂

      1. After I posted this, I thought, “I might feel differently in twenty years.” And isn’t that life. We learn, we change, we recreate ourselves from our experiences. I don’t question that we must be committed and nurture what is found, but perhaps the difference between those who do and those who don’t is also the difference between true love and just love.

        The way life goes, we may never know. Yet it is great to discuss it as we are all on different paths and at different stages of life and love. We can all learn from each other.

  10. I believe… quoting your analogy, Balroop–“True love is the journey of lifetime across the rough sea, weathering all the storms on a surfing board. You may not be able to hold each other’s hand when the tide is high but you know that somebody is around to take care!” 🙂

  11. What an interesting post, Balroop. What feels like “true love” is often romantic, dreamy “new” love. I’d suggest that real “true love” is something that comes through a lifetime of caring, compromise, generosity, and forgiveness. True love, to me, is the result of commitment, hard work, and an open heart. ❤

  12. You are so right Diana…the definition of new love and true love is entirely different and hits us hard when this ‘new love’ knocks you off the cliff, you fall face down in an unknown alley…it is during that creeping out of those dark alleys that we learn the real definition. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your pearls of wisdom.

  13. Its a great post that evaluates varied views on love. Humans are varied too. Each of us have different idea about meaning of love. While idea of romantic love fuelled by the novels and movies is hard to find, associating it with true love is bound to create problems. There’s a need to come up with the real meaning of love. I came across an incident where a man let go her beloved with another prospect because she liked him more. He let her go because he wanted to see her happy. That’s a true love and such sacrifices are never talked about.

    1. Such sacrifices are rare, only seem to be part of stories…reminds me of famous lines of a song…Kitabon me chapte hain chhahat ke kisse, haqueeqat ki duniya mein chhahat nahin hai!! Though that is a cynical view of love but at times it seems to be so true in some cases!
      You are right arv…each of us have our own definition of true love but one fact nobody can deny is that true love lasts and is not selfish.

      1. I know that​kind of love is rare to come across. What we commonly come across is the news in newspapers ….acid attacks on females all because of one sided love. The most horrific…all in the name of love. I feel sad to hear such incidents. I wish people could understand what love actually is. I wish media and movies to contribute to make things better and not otherwise.

      2. You are right arv, there was a time when movies with social messages were popular and were regularly made but now the focus has shifted from talking about values to frivolous themes. Even lyrics have become meaningless!

      3. I think it’s the commercial aspect which has started to dominate our lives everywhere. Consumerism has become supreme…. humanity has taken a backseat. Of course, exception exists.

  14. Very interesting Balroop.. I believe in Lasting Love… this is the one that starts with a spark, is nurtured, tested, found wanting, forgiven, filled with laughter, accepting and grows old disgracefully. It is rollercoaster ride that toughens like steel over time and overcomes any of the usual life and human missteps that happen. As I read not just headlines but books, stories and watch television the more I realise that for many it is about the fairy tale and not the reality. They go into a relationship with unrealistic expectations and as soon as one of those is not met they are off. Then I am a crabby old lady whose husband deserves a long service medal.. ♥

    1. What a perfect definition of true love! Thank you so much Sally you have summed up very well…from unrealistic expectations to accepting all that ripens them into learning experiences! I am so happy to say I agree with the medal in my case too! 🙂

  15. I do believe in “true love.”
    Especially, the love from GOD.
    HIS love is true and pure.
    …I also believe that love never dies.
    Thanks, Balroop, as always, for your thought-provoking posts.
    xxx from MN.

  16. I like your point that imperfections reveal personality. So imperfection is more real and interesting.

    I also heard someone else say that relationships offer us the possibility of growth, and you can’t really grow if you are already in a perfect relationship. It might actually be kind of dull — and then it’s not perfect anymore is it?

  17. I believe in love, whether it be romantic, friendship, family, or another type. But I don’t think it is perfect – in fact, nothing is perfect. I think there are loving bonds that exist between people and that we are capable of having mutual love with another that is meaningful and can lead to marriage. Very interesting post!

    1. The key point is mutual love…love which doesn’t manipulate, which respects boundaries and grows in a positive manner. Thank you Christy for standing by to share your view.

  18. When I first told my husband I loved him, I wondered. I had no idea what it meant, had never been in love before. Now, hundreds of years later, though I still can’t define ‘love’, I know what it is.

    There’s definitely a difference between ‘true love’ and ‘perfect love’.

    1. I love how you describe your love…when hundreds of years seem to pass, that is truly eternal love! Thanks for sharing this wonderful thought Jacqi. Stay blessed! Hugs!

  19. Such a beautiful post… you always provide wise insights… and leave me thinking. I particularly like when you say: “True love cannot be found. It is not an artifact or a treasure, which could be discovered. It has to be learned and nurtured slowly”…> I agree…. that part could refute Plato´s theory of Love, as well… I am with you… we build our “subjective idea” of Love… and true love is never perfect….
    Sending hugs and best wishes, dear Balroop!. 😀 ❤

    1. Thank you dear Acqui, I am delighted to have you back! At last something did pull on the strings of your heart!
      I know the topic is such! Thanks for your kind words, I am glad that you find my thoughts wise.
      Yes dear friend, we all have our own view of true love and that’s why this discussion is so interesting, seems to go on and on! Hugs and best wishes back to you. 🙂

  20. Balroop, you’ve excelled here and effectively written many posts in just one! First of all, wow! I love your poem, a wonderful celebration of love and I wanted to comment there but comments were turned off. What a thorny topic true love is and only a brave person will tackle this! For most who are lucky to experience true love I think will attest to the fact that it was more a journey to true love than finding it straight away…as one form of love turns into another. I think you sum it up perfectly with :

    ‘True love cannot be found. It is not an artifact or a treasure, which could be discovered. It has to be learned and nurtured slowly. How rightly did William Shakespeare say: “The course of true love never did run smooth.”’

    When we were first dating my husband early on declared his love for me and said he ‘knew’ me – being me I challenged him on both and of course, now many years later he accepts I was right – it takes time to really know someone and love someone completely. A thoroughly thought-provoking post, Balroop and I could foresee this conversation running deep into the night! 😀❤️

    1. Many thanks dear Annika for such a beautiful feedback about my poem and post, I am humbled by your words of encouragement. Thanks for clicking on the old link of my poem about love, which was written in a different mood.
      You are so right, true love is more ‘a journey’ that we all try to undertake but some abandon it half-way due to lack of support or reciprocal feelings. Those who continue despite all the tribulations find a blissful place eventually. 🙂

  21. Once you realize there is no such thing as perfect love for nothing is perfect, you ask the question what is true love? And from here we go to a riddle to find the answer (courtesy of Northern Exposure)

    The Gatekeeper keeps the keys to the gate that leads to the bridge across the chasm. Many couples come looking to go across but can’t answer the riddle, “How do you keep the one you love?” and are turned away. Until one day a couple comes along and the gatekeeper, somewhat tired and bored after so much time without a correct answer, asked the riddle, “How do you keep the one you love?” The couple smiled and answered, “You don’t keep the one you love. Love is selfless, not possessive. If you truly love somebody, you have no desire to possess them. You don’t keep them. And the two will give to the one which is the relationship and that is true love.” -jc

    1. Welcome to Emotional Shadows JC, I am delighted to have you here. 🙂
      I agree that perfection is just a mirage, so is true love, which evolves slowly with all the efforts of integrity and benevolence for each other. Loved your little story of true love. Thanks for sharing.

  22. Ah, the questions you ask. I think the answer to this post is – it all depends on what you describe as “true” love. In my mind, love that is true is not infatuation nor always passionate. It sometimes causes friction and at times seems like fiction. But if you find someone who is always ‘there’ for you, who cares what you think and smooths away your tears, who laughs at your silly jokes and stares into your eyes as if you’re made of the stars – well, then, you’ve found “true love.”

  23. Wow! Thank you dear Pam…you endorse my view! The kind of person you have described cannot be found readymade despite the era of instant availability of anything we desire. Such a person is custom made and both the partners have to contribute to reach that level of ‘being there, smoothing away tears, laughing at silly jokes, staring into your eyes’ and much more…
    Lovely insights Pam! 🙂

    1. Thanks for your kind words and welcome to Emotional Shadows. There are many more such pieces here if you dig the archives. Happy reading! Sure, I would visit your blog.

  24. I haven’t found true love in an intimate relationship in this lifetime, Balroop. But I remain hopeful, and will until my last breath. I feel a little nostalgic after reading this. It must relate to a past life. If so, then hope springs eternal ♥

  25. I believe that self-love is the key to true love. But what’s “true love” and what’s “self-love”? Everybody might have a different definition. I learnt that self-love was the beginning of everything but that does not mean being selfish or putting ourselves first all the time, it means knowing what love is about and being able to love others the way they are.
    I believe in Love. In God. I believe in true love but as you say Balroop it’s a lifetime journey we ought to be ready to start.
    How nice it is to read you my friend. Take care.
    ps – I am a bit silent these days but I will come back soon.

  26. “True love cannot be found. It is not an artifact or a treasure, which could be discovered. It has to be learned and nurtured slowly”- absolutely agree with the view. True love is like a statue which gets the shape and becomes perfect as we work on it … But, the catch is, we don’t know how exactly ‘true love’ looks like or how it feels…so we all have different images of it. Practically, I think, whenever we are in a relationship, there comes expectation and responsibilities and liabilities…and true love is something devoid of all these… 🙂

    Wish your friend Vishnu a great success with the book… 🙂

    1. Yes Mani, love is a mystery, which unfolds slowly…and gives us an inking into some of the finer nuances of life. Alas! we need a full life to understand what is real love! 🙂

  27. Indeed I agree with you mam…true love cannot be found…if we keep on searching it, it would end up for nothing. Love is just around us and is only waiting for us to accept it.
    Sometimes we can’t feel that love when something is holding us back, when we have this hatred and grudge for the past we have. It is thru forgiveness and acceptance that we come to understand and feel what love is. Indeed love must start first in loving our own and who we are…

    1. Forgiveness and acceptance is very challenging in the face of hurts. Slowly do we learn them but true love can be seen through the respect – the basic trait of any relationship. If you feel respected, love may follow. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  28. Most of the times, love is true (unless one is playing games just to get an egotistical kick) however there is no such thing as perfect love, we all are imperfect beings and so is love….a very nice write up on a very gritty subject

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