How to Heal Emotional Hurts?

How to heal emotional hurts
No sane soul hurts deliberately. Yet hurts happen. Today I want to discuss  emotional hurts, which remain deep-rooted, which keep gnawing at our hearts, as we don’t want to share them for fear of ridicule or exposing our relationships, which may appear to be loving and smooth.

Why do people hurt?

  •  Insensitivity towards others
  • Lack of emotional quotient
  • Lack of communication skills
  • Jealousy
  • Arrogance
  • Vindictive attitude
  • Own selfish motives.

Selfish people never think of others. Even if they do, their own pursuits are so overwhelming for them that they are able to justify themselves. They buy peace with self- arguments and get rid of the guilt of hurting their own near and dear ones.

Sometimes vile and toxic people around them encourage them in their goals, by glorifying their efforts to guide them. Such people snatch them away from their most loving friends and relatives.

Sometimes we hurt others unknowingly. We use such words, which pierce the hearts, without realizing their impact.

Have you ever felt the depth of hurt? It is much deeper than we think it to be.

Emotional hurts leave longer shadows behind them. Unlike physical hurts, they are invisible but the marks they make on our psyche are indelible. While some hurts may be subtle, some stare starkly at us and become a burden.

Time is said to be a great healer but it doesn’t really heal. It just fades the memories of hurts. They keep returning in your solemn moments, in your dreams and when ever you think of that person.

 SELF- HEALING

We keep burying emotional hurts into the deepest crevices of our hearts and only address them when they become unbearable. At this point we think of going to a therapist who directs us back to our own efforts!

So self-healing is the only answer and that too requires a huge effort:

  • Keep the thoughts of hurts away by engaging in meaningful tasks.
  • If you must think, try to analyze why you were hurt and who is responsible.
  • There is no harm in admitting if you are the cause. It will help in keeping your mind clear of all the clutter.
  • Accept the fact that the person who has hurt you is no longer attached to you; he or she doesn’t care about your feelings.
  • It is better to detach yourself.
  • Be Positive. Respect yourself.
  • Forgive and forget. Forgiveness is the first step to self-healing.Emotional detachment

It is very painful to detach, I know. That is why probably, time is given the greatest credit but in reality, only self-efforts have the healing power.

Try the following tips:

 Talk to yourself: Self- talking is a very powerful tool in our hands. Let the talk go on and on, don’t try to give it a direction. Let the positive and negative thoughts flow on. When they exhaust themselves, then sift through your thoughts and pick up the positive ones to convince yourself that it is not your fault.

It is just a phase: Accept that you are just going through a bad phase. Everybody has to. You don’t have any control over the circumstances but you can control the damage, which the present situation might do to your mental and emotional health.

Keep yourself busy: If you have work, bury yourself in that. It will keep you away from the depressive thoughts for a while. In case you don’t have a regular routine to keep yourself busy, read a good book, visit a friend, go and meet somebody whose company gives you relief and comfort.

Share your thoughts: Don’t conceal emotional wounds. When you speak out your mind, half of the burden wears off. You can discuss your anxieties and fears with a person you trust, a friend or your mother or sister, whosoever you are comfortable with. It gives immense relief and you will feel lighter.

Cry your heart out: As you share your feelings, let the tears flow. They bring about catharsis and have an amazing healing power. The pain of your heart will melt away for the time being. Let all the thoughts of regret, guilt and forgiveness visit you again and again and let them flow away.

Pour your heart out: Write down all your thoughts, the remorse and the censure and your answers to all the questions that are troubling you. It will give you a strange self- satisfaction and self-healing.

Listen to good music: Good music is a great healing balm; it takes us out of our situation and provides a soothing touch to our heart and soul. “For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.” – Reba McEntire

Have faith in yourself. Self- therapy requires great determination to push aside your anguish and have immense faith in your efforts.

Can hurts ever be forgotten?

We try to deny them in our mind. We tell ourselves that they don’t matter to us but emotional wounds get deeper if we don’t acknowledge them.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

 

 

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43 thoughts on “How to Heal Emotional Hurts?

  1. So true Balroop. Emotional hurt dents the soul deep and at times it carries a scar for life. Good points you’ve mentioned to overcome the hurt. Also forgiving the person who hurt helps overcome the hurt.

    1. I have seen that forgiveness doesn’t come easily. First we have to come to terms with the hurts, deal with our own emotions, accept that the other person who could hurt so deeply has no connection with us. Only after understanding all this can we think of forgiveness. It is the last step and we arrive at it only after our own calmness.

  2. A very in depth and calmly written post. It carries much more power that way.
    It would take to much space to answer in depth but one point I can concur with; dare acknowledge
    what happens or happened. Look it bravely in the eye and accept. Do what you can to sort.
    Main thing after that …forgive! Don’t give the hurts time to fester.
    You might never forget but the thorn is out and a neat scar will form.

    I agree with the playing of sad and emotional songs….or singing.

    So we walk in the sun instead of in the shadows.
    miriam

    1. Thank you Miriam, for understanding that only the one who has struggled to achieve calmness can write about healing. Yes, acknowledging the hurt is the first step…I have seen people deny emotional hurts and they try to defend the person who hurts…a thousand times! Denial may take them into the abyss of never return. Once we accept, it takes a long time to digest them…they have to fester to heal or they become malignant. Emotional scars never heal dear friend, they become raw the moment you happen to meet the friend or relative who hurt you and that is when you remind yourself …Forgive, forgive! I have to repeat it many times to calm myself.

  3. This is a hard topic to right about, and you tackled it very well. Emotional hurts are a fact of life and all of us will experience it at some point. Agree that if we are to heal, it starts with ourselves first – we need to make the choice to get up and move on. It can take a while to get over an emotional hurt. Sometimes if it’s someone whom we trusted and who we taught was always safe with, that can take even longer. There have been times when I’ve been let down by others whom I know very well at that time, and it was like the world disappeared from under me. It did take more than a few months for me to move past the incidents and accept what happened happened. Sharing your thoughts is definitely a good way to cope – because that way you get a different perspective on the situation and that can help you see that emotional hurts are usually moments in time and there are better moments ahead.

    1. I agree with you Mabel, any hurts are hard to discuss but the only way to heal them is sharing, writing and contemplating about them. If we keep burying them, they become sores that affect our life and work. Yes, only people very dear to you hurt the deepest as it is beyond our expectations that they could do so! You consider them your world but if they treat you like superfluous, you could get shattered. Such incidents are difficult to accept and move past dear friend…I am glad you could move on…it takes a lot of time to come to terms with such hurts.
      Yes, there are better moments ahead…life goes on but one part of your heart always bleeds. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  4. Hi Balroop,
    You have handled this topic with such sensitivity that comes from a very mature mind. Yes, keeping busy with meaningful tasks help to lessen the pain that might otherwise appear as overwhelming. Self-talk is a must and nothing like talking to a trusted friend, who is willing to listen without being judgmental and guide without bias. Good music does have a calming effect on the mind and facilitate healing. More than anything else, self-willingness to detach and to move past the hurt it is needed. Thank you for sharing such deep and wise thoughts.

    1. I am glad you could find some wisdom in my thoughts Somali…they have been gathered at each stumbling moment of life. When emotional hurts occur, the first reaction may be shock and disbelief but each hurt makes us resilient, each boulder that lies on the way may be disheartening but it also mentors us unknowingly. It is better to learn from one hurt so that our perpetrator fails to get another chance. Those who whine and wallow in self-pity become perpetual victims.

  5. A very helpful and insightful list, Balroop. I used to recommend to clients something that worked wonderfully for me – to go out and do things for others. The feeling of appreciation and the returned kindness were healing, but most of all the effort was empowering and reinforced my sense of strength and value. As you suggest, healing from hurts is a process and it takes time. There are seldom quick fixes. ❤

    1. I appreciate your kindness Diana…there is no doubt that keeping yourself busy in altruistic activities helps in our own healing as the sense of satisfaction is cathartic. Thank you for adding such a valuable point to this discussion. Stay blessed.

  6. Balroop, these tips are spot on! I would add that making short videos where you talk about what happened, or the person who hurt you can be very cathartic. These are only for your own viewing of course. Over time, watching them can give clues to your emotions and show the progress you’ve made. Writing of course, is the best in my opinion but making a video can be very raw and immediately cathartic, like you’re speaking to your best friend or a therapist.
    Great post, Balroop! Thanks for sharing these healing tips. xo

    1. That is a wonderful point Lisa…making a video and watching it surely helps in understanding our emotions. It may seem crazy to others but a person who is hurting needs a channel of expression. Thank you for adding your wisdom dear friend. Stay blessed!

  7. Balroop, your article is full of wisdom and insight into an incredibly difficult topic … and one I feel difficult to respond to as there is so much to say. Becoming aware of the emotional hurt is only the first of many painful steps and often fear and shame are reasons many remain in the situation. Outside pressures, seemingly impossibility to remove oneself from the situation which might involve irrecoverably damage other relationships. In the end there is a catalyst of emotional hurt, probably guilt…then start the road to healing as outlined by your excellent advice. Forgiveness is not always easy by key I agree … although the younger me would not have thought so. Keeping busy is a good idea, but I’ve seen other using busy as a way of hiding from their own emotions, filling time to the brim so they have no chance to explore their inner self. As you can see, I could go on and on … an excellent post and fascinating in-depth comments. You leave us with lots to think about and absorb.

    Wishing you a light and Happy Sunday! 🌺🌻

    1. I agree with you Annika, not an easy topic…only after understanding and mulling over emotional hurts can we hope to wriggle out of them. Keeping busy no doubt postpones self-talking but we need time to get ready for that step…only after we give ourselves some time and let the shock wear off, only after we accept that emotional bullying has been going on, then we are in a better situation to address the issue, convince ourselves to stop taking people for granted and take action.
      Thank you for sharing your perspective about this topic. Have a nice Sunday. 🙂

  8. Yes Balroop we need to acknowledge them so we could at some stage let them go. Emotionnal hurts are tough to live with. But we should try our best to not be overwhelmed by them. Writing them down is for me one of the best advice. Or at least trying something to empty our hearts of every feeling that is taking us down.
    As always your thoughts are powerful and inspiring for us all. Thanks for sharing them.

  9. Great advice! Self talk to listening to music. I often find myself these days gravitating towards music as a mood lifter 🙂

  10. These are terrific guidelines for healing hurt, Balroop. As you said, acknowledgement is so important, as is owning our own feelings. Once we own them, we can begin the process of discovering their origins and letting go. I imagine you have dealt with this issue extensively, because your guidelines are comprehensive. Thank you so much for sharing them with us ❤️

    1. Emotional hurts are a universal phenomenon, some brush it aside and never share, some keep slipping into negativity but I found a positive way to deal with them. My colleagues always said that I had time to listen to everyone…while I was listening, I was learning too. Thank you dear Tina, I am glad you found my suggestions comprehensive. Stay blessed!

  11. Two years after my ex abandoned me, I drove up on the Salmon River in early October, drank a bottle of wine, and then read aloud a letter I had written to him. I then set it on fire and burned it along with the cardboard-shaped coffin the wine came in. Then I buried it. For good measure, I also peed on the little grave. It was an oddly fulfilling day and it helped me gain a sense of closure over hurts that are going to take a lifetime to process. I’ve written about it before, but need to shape it into a more polished piece.

  12. You know, Balroop, overall I’m a positive person, not inclined to depressive states, even when I’ve had my share of hurts. So I speak here only to my own process. The only way I’ve ever resolved old hurts is to re-examine them from time to time, owning the lessons I’ve learned about life, about people, but most importantly about myself – since that time. I also put that person in perspective, and realize they are dealing with their own demons. I’m able to see them as frail human beings who lash out either aggressively, passively or both – in gut reactions borne of their own woundings. I try not to take it personally. This process – for me – takes time, sometimes longer, usually shorter, these days. And in the end, they do not hold any power over me anymore; not in waking or sleeping hours. Even my dreams, when they contain these people, show me how far removed I’ve become from those sources of pain. Distance helps, too; the physical helping the mental/emotional along in that respect. Aloha ❤

  13. Thank you for sharing your nuggets of wisdom Bela…it is nice that you found your own ways of dealing with emotional hurts. Each hurt comes with a lesson and detachment is the best way to move ahead. Yes it takes time when we are younger but slowly resilience percolates and the truth dawns…as you say, their own demons could be more powerful than being sensitive towards others. 🙂

    1. I agree Brigid and we should never forget because we can’t give another opportunity to the same person to hurt. Thanks for standing by to share your thought.

  14. Interesting post, Balroop. I agree that forgiveness is the last step in a complicated process. I say complicated because most people would avoid coming to terms. I’ve learned that if a deep-seated hurt annoys me all the time, I perhaps had a part to play, to begin with; coming to terms might first require admission of guilt. Keep Yourself Busy is what I try to do because several years down the line, when we look back at how life unfolded, most of the instances that trapped us for years were energy sapping, creativity killing, and avoidable. KYB is therefore a preemptive strike against my own unpleasant doings; its success isn’t guaranteed, but the damage is greatly minimized. Thanks 🙂

    1. I agree with your reflections Mahesh, it is human nature to shift blame and it is this self-denial that enhances emotional upheavals. Sharing them is better than brushing them under the carpet. Keeping busy is only for buying time to acknowledge and come to terms with the feeling that hurts need an outlet. It’s not healthy to keep them buried for a long time. 🙂

    1. Those two solutions are the best Mani, they resonate with me too. I pour all my hurts into my journal and later use them as ideas for an organised poem or post. 🙂

  15. Emotional quotient, Communication Skills and Positive Attitude; matters a lot in our life and somehow these gets side tracked when pitted against the power of intellectual quotient, written skill and knowledge and what is visible not what is invisible and intangible, the feelings, the sensitivity, the empathy not the sympathy, the little things that matter is caring and sharing in life. We give undue weight-age to physical things and things that tangible and visible and physical hurts are seemingly more painful and lasting than the emotional pain that we undergone but we all have realized the extent of damage an emotional hurt marks on us. Feelings are delicate and sensitive and the moment it get battered , we are indeed badly shattered and it lasts for long and yes as so rightly said time is not always the best healer, it can minimize and it can reduce but unless we consciously work on it we can never take it away from our mind and it will always act as deterrent in our working. It needs a breakaway in different forms as have been so aptly listed out and meaningful work to engaging something that we are passionately attached to and also doings that we have not done to get us away from the juggernaut of bruised heart out of emotional hurt…

    Yes, ultimately it is through our act of forgiveness and consciously forgiving and looking at life through prudent window and people with wisdom and learning and making others learn the art of forgetting and forgiving in life, not always easy but the best way to chart a new path in life.
    Thanks Balroop another profound post.
    😀

  16. Thank you Nihar for understanding emotions and emotional hurts so well! I agree with you, when emotional quotient merges with intelligence quotient, it produces excellent potion to deal with emotional hurts. They may be invisible but they do get the required balm with this combination. Forgiveness may be a difficult path yet we all have to take it sooner or later to shrug off emotional hurts.
    I appreciate your time and prudence dear friend. Many thanks for sharing both. Have wonderful week.

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