A Page From Earthy’s Diary…

A page from a Diary

My New Shoes…

The long awaited day did come when I got the opportunity to buy new shoes. I had been waiting for this day, the day daddy would take me along and I would be able to spend some time in his company. Such delightful moments are so rare yet they add great hope to my existence.

The bike moved quite slowly and I kept chattering…knowing well that dad is the only person who would never tell me to ‘be quiet.’ I know he would have never said ‘girls don’t speak so much.’ He listens to all my stories with a twinkle in his eye. I love him so much!

Some moments are so precious. This one I was going to cherish. I could tell the story to my friends. Now they would know I have a loving dad. Now they wouldn’t make fun of my dirty, worn out shoes. Now I would run with confidence!

I chose my new shoes. I didn’t care much about the style or the color. The excitement of going out with dad and be myself was more significant than anything. My focus was dad, my hero, my savior who was always interested in my demands and only he fulfilled them.

After buying the shoes I was told to sit on a rickshaw and go home. I looked into dad’s eyes, pleading my unwillingness. Probably he didn’t understand. The words I wanted to speak stuck in my throat, out of the fear of going home alone. I pretended to be strong and didn’t utter a word of protest.

With one hand I balanced myself and held the verge of the rickshaw tightly. The other hand was holding the box of shoes tightly lest it might slip from my hand. No other journey could have been as long as this one. I hated my dad for sending me home like that. I knew he too didn’t love me.

Why didn’t he ask? Why couldn’t he go to his office late? Why is he so insensitive? I kept asking all these questions to myself, trying to analyze and now I am writing them down, hoping to get all the answers when I am big.

When I ran inside the house, put the box of shoes down in the patio and sat on it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I tried to put myself together. As usual I didn’t want to share my feelings with Trod who would mock and tease. I don’t want to tell anyone about my insecurity, I know I can handle it alone.

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Mama didn’t ask me why I was sitting in the middle of patio. She yelled…‘Are you going to sit all day, looking at those shoes? Put them inside and come and help me in the kitchen.’

I felt like throwing that box of shoes at her. I felt like opening my mouth fully and scream loudly. I wanted to tell somebody how my heart was racing, how scared I was. I wanted a soft word of reassurance, a gentle hug and a caress.

I got that from you dear diary. Thank you so much for being my only companion, my haven of love and comfort. …Earthy.

Dedicated to all those children who have to handle their fears alone, who feel neglected or bullied and crave for parental attention.

If you have liked this story, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh

 

 

 

 

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60 thoughts on “A Page From Earthy’s Diary…

    1. Thank you Bette. There are two kinds of parents – one who pamper too much and second, those who don’t care. Emotional presence goes a long way in holding good and balanced personalities.

  1. I often wonder why parents don’t shower love and pamper kids with affection, making them feel important and loved? Most parents feel that providing them with all the necessities is all that matters. It’s unfortunate that most traditional societies and culture are unable to understand the importance of love. It only needs to alienation and lack of bond.

    1. Some parents don’t know the importance of affection and how lack of it affects their children adversely, leaving permanent marks on their psyche. Others don’t have time or pretend so. Don’t you think alienation has increased in the quest to living with freedom?

      1. It’s a good question. I often wonder if the belief of zindagi na milegi dobara is coined by commercial interests to boost their sales. In a traditional society everyone was concerned with other person in his or her society or family. But now we all want to do things in our own way. It’s a very difficult question to answer since the whole context has changed in the last 10 years. There are good and bad aspects. People want to do so much in a short time. There are many non traditional avenues to make your mark. Many youngsters are leaving High paid jobs because they are not happy. They are charting a different route. Good or bad? Open for interpretation. Alienation? Yes, among the ones who don’t have support groups or people to fall back upon.

      2. Thanks for sharing a profound analysis of life as the youngsters want to lead today. The culture of individualism is followed selfishly whereas in our society and culture, this attitude was never appreciated. Love and respect in families and joint families has been declining, with traditional values thrown away to the winds of change. Man can never be happy, that’s what I have gathered with my experience…it’s in the DNA of humanity probably to run away from the present situation, seeking something he doesn’t have. Buddha had everything yet he wanted more! Similar is the case of today’s successful man.

      3. I agree with you on your observation yet I also feel that joint families in current scenario can only survive if elders also change. History is full of examples which prove that change is important and necessary to survive. Only families where young and old changes, survive. It’s a joint effort. Blowing wind is a reality and it cannot be ignored. The world is moving towards a less formal system which seeks instant gratification. Parents who are more of friends will always do better. These are my observations​, I could be wrong here. 😃

  2. So many layers of emotions in the story, Balroop. Such a helpless situation for the girl. From her absolute awe of her father to the letdown. This post has really got me thinking about the kind of time I spend with my child. Time to make some amends. Thanks a lot. God bless you, my friend.

    1. Thank you Mahesh for understanding the emotions of this girl…adults often miss the little hurts, which are very big for a child. They may not show those emotions or even if they try, they get snubbed but they get embedded in memory. I know a person who still talks about a childhood memory that hurts…a very insignificant one for a parent…refusal to buy a balloon initially and then giving the money when he had to run after the balloon man to buy one!

  3. Dear Balroop, as I read I was first smiling with joy for you and your day out. I loved that you were getting new shoes and remember myself as a girl dreaming and hoping I would get a pair of red skiing boots for Christmas.
    It felt hard when your father seemingly just changed and left you feeling neglected.
    No wonder you needed this diary to talk to.
    Neglect of a child’s emotions is devastating and leave memories forever.

    I was lucky as my hero ( pappa) was consistent in his love and my mamma no less so.
    Big hug
    miriam

    1. Earthy represents all those children who are not as lucky as you Miriam…I am happy to hear that you have loving parents. That is my appeal to all parents through this story. Stay blessed dear friend and have a wonderful weekend.

  4. What an emotional write and agree with what Mahesh said on layers here. On one hand the girl sounds greatful for buying a pair of shoes but on the other she seems resentful. It does sound like she wants love…and love comes in so many different forms. Our parents may seem harsh at times but they might have or need to go through quite a bit to spend small moments like these with their kids 💙

    1. Small moments do matter Mabel and I have tried to explain that in reply to Mahesh how little moments of neglect make big hurtful memories. Parenting is a challenging job, which is actually taken very lightly as the main jobs don’t leave much time for children. Raising emotionally balanced individuals is the responsibility of parents.

  5. OK, here is me being insensitive. I wanted to say, “Suck it up Buttercup!” Nothing bad happened. I don’t quite know why she was crying except she wanted more Dad time? Hmm…

    On the other hand, Mom could have asked what upset her daughter!

      1. I was born with such people around me but was not treated as shabbily as Earthy who grows up to be a strong and positive person, in my stories.

  6. I understand the child’s point of view all too well. But I also understand that of the parents. There are so many ways of showing love, and kids can be bottomless pits of need at a time in our lives when many of us are struggling to understand these new beings that we have brought into the world. Not to mention trying to build careers and homes for our burgeoning families. not to mention if we, ourselves were denied adequate emotional support as children.

    If I had to do it again, I would be a very different parent. But we don’t get do-overs that way, all we can do is to hopefully learn from our choices and recognize that we have raised some pretty competent adults, hopefully.

    I love the story that you told, though, because stories are such a lovely way to teach such simple lessons. And the lesson you’ve presented here is richly offered. Aloha, Balroop. ❤️

    1. I can understand your thoughts Bela…many parents don’t have any idea what is like loving a child, they too could have been raised without any love or emotions, they could be struggling with making their ends meet, their own frustrations and struggles too stand on their way…after all food in the first priority…there could be a thousand reasons but a child can’t fathom all that. Children who are raised like this or just grow like weeds, uncared and unloved are scarred for life…scars that people can’t see and probably manifest themselves in some kind of violence or anti-social activities.
      Thank you for sharing your reflections and liking the story. 🙂

  7. Balroop, your piece starts with such light and joy my heart lifted accordingly, following the girl and her excitement with her father on this special day. Early on her fear of what comes next starts to colour her day.I wondered if she faced abuse at home, or is it emotional neglect? Children are so vulnerable and at the whim of the adults in their lives – one can but hope their days are filled will love and care! A beautifully written story, that pulls the reader further in with each sentence.

    1. I have seen many such girls Annika who face social stigma of being a girl, badgered for being born a girl, emotionally scarred for life, made to live according to the whims and fancies of their controllers, their own family members. Some learn to break the social shackles while many accept it as their fate.
      I have many such stories, which I don’t share, thinking about the reaction of readers. With great trepidation and doubt, I dared to share this one. Thanks for a positive feed back dear friend, it means a lot.

      1. Balroop, that is a whole new world to me … the stories need to be shared more and more…each one hopefully reaching someone new, knocking away at the stigma. Don’t feel trepidation from here, my friend. Always fascinated by your work and enthralled by the writing. Have a lovely rest of the day. Xx

  8. So many children are emotionnally unsafe Balroop, neglected by the people who should care for them the most. Money can’t buy love or precious time together. Some forget this.
    Expressing love and being there is so important. Thank you for sharing this story with us all Balroop. It’s tough and yet inspiring.
    Take care.

    1. Many thanks for your kind words Marie, I am glad you found this inspiring. Yes, love has to be spontaneous and being there at the right time really matters.

  9. This tugged at my heartstrings, Balroop, and catapulted me back to many instances of childhood pain; the many times my sister (whom I love dearly) was doted on and I was overlooked. Yet none compare with those of the millions of children who have little or nothing. My heart breaks for all children who must go it alone, whether infrequent or constant. Your story moved me deeply ❤️

    1. Thank you for sharing the pain of childhood heartbreaks Tina, those memories keep haunting even after years of love that life offers in various forms. Love and hugs dear friend.

  10. So many levels of emotions are in this story, Balroop, and it saddens me when I think of children who are not loved and cared for as they should be. Little faces look up to adults for security only to be shut down in one way or another. I was also fortunate to have had great parents, and as far as I can tell, my hubby and I did something right because our children (now young adults) seem to be well-adjusted and happy. It’s like wanting to take in all the abused animals and give them the necessary healing care; the same goes for all the children who suffer from neglect and abuse.💗

    1. Thanks for sharing your sentiments about children who need love and affection. Despite so much of awareness, we hear so many stories of children being neglected even in modern times! The need for increasing psychological help these days speaks volumes about the way children are raised and have to grapple with their insecurities and fears as adults!

  11. A sad story, Balroop, and beautifully told and dedicated. You express the loneliness and insecurity of the little girl so vividly as well as the tremendous need for validation and love. Lovely writing. ❤

  12. Emotional neglect by parents is the worst. I’d like to think if I were a mother, I’d be a loving one. But since my own mother was not so great in that department, I’m sure that is a prime player in my decision to never have children.

    1. Children are the flowers, they may not wither physically like them but their emotional wilt, though unseen, can be seen in flowers. Just make some children smile Jeri and feel the same within you.

  13. Such a bittersweet experience. I hope, in looking back upon that day, and as a parent yourself, you understand the demands upon parents. I imagine Earthy’s impressions of that day have been softened somewhat by the passage of time. I’m sure her dad loved her to pieces. Who wouldn’t, my friend? 🙂

  14. It doesn’t take much to show our love and appreciation for our children, and yet it may just not occur to us that we need to be demonstrative at times. Though the little girl here pretends to be strong yet when the small wishes and desires of the tender heart are not met, she is disappointed. When a child has to repeatedly go through such disappointments, it certainly leaves a bad effect.
    This story has a beautiful message for all parents, Balroop.

    1. Thank you Somali for sharing your thoughts. Love and appreciation in the early childhood builds a strong bond not just with the parents but with other people around us as children learn to trust and feel secure otherwise they grow up with many doubts, which become a part of their personality.

  15. Dear Balroop, this story touched me on so many levels, as a child craving for a parents affection, to the shoes, a memory within my own childhood.. Of having the same pair of school shoes throughout her secondary school years. Shoes first too big, to be stuffed with cotton wool.. to becoming too tight and wearing out the sole only to have her Dad repair them to wear them again.. I know the longing of both a new pair of shoes and the love of a parent who did not always see the child ..
    Excellent story And thank goodness for our journals.. Who are our best of friends.. ❤

  16. That was a really touching story of the young girl Balroop and I am sure there are many out there who are so emotionally starved for their parents love. In today’s busy times many have become just weekend parents as official commitments keep them busy through the week. I heart breaking to peep into such a child’s heart.

    1. Thanks for understanding Radhika…to some this is a trivial issue but children get hurt easily and carry some of the memories too far. I appreciate your sensitivity.

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