Do You Admire People Pleasers?

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Could you walk an extra mile with me? They agree.
Could you carry this bag for me? They do.
Could you supervise my lunch today? They get the real message of putting an extra effort.
Could you help me and give a daily report of your colleagues? They feel honored.

Bosses exult at their loyalty and sincerity.
Friends mock at their “loving nature.”
Siblings bully them into believing that they are loved.
Spouses manipulate them to get things done.
The acquiescence and complacence of people pleasers baffles me.

Who are they?

People pleasers are gentle, kind and loving persons. They can never confront an unpleasant situation and try to diffuse it with their goodness. Their intentions may be noble but they boomerang. People start taking them for granted. They lose their identity and get tossed by the tides of time and life.

They don’t want to rock their boat but choose to sail in it; oblivious of the fact that it can capsize any moment with the emotional baggage they carry within themselves. True love eludes them.

Some of them are highly ambitious and focused. They know how to gatecrash to the right position just through pleasing tactics. I marvel at their pleasing skills!

Why do they please?

Do they please to get loved? Yes, they believe love can conquer all till they face the ugly truth of fake love.
Do they please to get a position? Yes, and many succeed even at the cost of getting enslaved.
Do they respect themselves? I have my doubts but their perspective could be different. I have seen them justify their actions.
Do they ever introspect? If they do, I wonder how do they justify crushing their spirit for the sake of others?

In professional relationships, people pleasing may be rewarding even at the cost of self-ignominy, stress and overwork but at a personal level, people pleasers do reach at the brink of breakdown.

Do you think they live for others? I don’t think so.
Some live in the make-believe world of self-admiration, thinking they are exceptional human beings, born to be altruistic. Others have some goals in mind, which they want to accomplish even if they have to kiss the shoestrings of their boss.
Often they fail to detect abusers and manipulators around them and slowly start accepting emotional abuse as a part of life.

Can they be trusted?

People pleasers are extremely selfish and can never be good friends. They are opportunists and would grab every chance that can be twisted for their own benefit. Relationships are secondary for them and their true self is unknown even to them. I have seen them changing their colors according to the situation. They know how to save their skin and win some brownie points too!

Have you met any people pleasers? I am waiting to hear your perspective.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

 

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33 thoughts on “Do You Admire People Pleasers?

  1. What a brave topic to tackle, Balroop. I’ve seem many people pleasers at work and in my personal life, and no one calls them out for what they do. As you said, they seem to think they are exceptional humam beings, and they often do something for someone of they can see the benefit of getting something in return on their part. Some might think people pleasers are nice…maybe they are to some degree but you don’t need a reason to please someone and jusr be nice. Sometimes I have to work with these people and have not much choice but to get along with them. I do they not to have much to do with them if I can help it.

      1. I agree with you Bela, we have to tread carefully, I learnt this with experience as I was quite naive and could be taken for a ride till their hypocrisy hit me. Their real intentions are revealed only when they succeed in their ulterior motives.

    1. Oh! you have met them Mabel? Work place is the most likely place to meet them, observe them and discern their intentions, which unfold slowly as they work behind the curtains and could be digging even your roots surreptitiously! Many times they meet you as well wishers, even try to be friendly and can easily dupe you if you are not intuitive enough to see through their tactics.

      1. Yes, I’ve come across quite a few people pleasers especially at work. You describe them so well – like they are working behind the curtain not to entertain but to soak up the attention that may come their way in the end. Agree they can come across as well wishers and it’s always disappointing when you find out they have ulterior motives.

  2. I was one of them at some stage in my life. I was so worried that nobody would love me if I was just being me. I was looking for approval and love.
    Till I met the guy who used it against me.
    It changed me Balroop.
    Thanks for raising the topic – not an easy one.

    1. I understand what you are saying Marie, some insecurities lead us on this path of approval but weaknesses are often exploited. I am happy to note that you could crawl out of those traps that lure people pleasers. Changing oneself is difficult but strong-minded persons can accomplish that.

  3. I think we all do meet such people. There are people who will say yes to be in the good books even when they know they will not honor their promise. They usually find some excuse at the last moment. I feel such people are always a burden and cannot be trusted. I know quite a few.

    1. I feel more than a burden, they are irritating and harmful. Many family relationships are wrecked by them. Many positions are grabbed by them as their capabilities are unmatched 🙂

  4. I used to be but I’ve changed when I decided to end my marriage. Many people took advantage of my good nature. I also had negative experiences when I took the lead and made decisions at work with confidence (only by some). I think people pleasing is a learned coping mechanism that can begin in the child’s home. I guess there are all kinds of reasons for doing it but mainly it’s to cope. I haven’t met so many of the manipulating people pleasers as you mention, Balroop but I’m certain there are those, too.

    One of the things I really loathe about this personality type is their ability to make excuses for bullies and bad behavior. Period. There is no excuse for being a careless person who does nothing to contribute to the world nor a bully who makes his way by hurting and taking advantage of others. People pleasers will make excuse after excuse for why someone is apathetic or takes advantage and puts down others.
    Grab a spine!! 😛 😀 LOVED this topic so much!

    1. You are right Lisa, some homes do impose their own diktats and expect such behavior… telling the children to keep quiet and accept whatever is said to please others…what an oppressive atmosphere that must be! Probably they grow up into insecure individuals because people pleasers are never sure of themselves, that’s why they want approval of others.

      1. One common behavioral pattern I have seen over and over again among people who are unable to lose weight is the People Pleaser. This is one of the main reason for me to relate more to this group. 🙂
        Everyone starts out in life wanting to be safe, loved, and accepted. It’s in our DNA. Some of us figure out that the best way to do this is to put aside what we want or feel and allow someone else’s needs and feelings to take precedence. We often feel trapped but don’t know another way to be. However, if we look around, we might notice other people who are well-liked and don’t people-please.

      2. The key words that speak to me are “feel trapped”…I am glad to hear that people-pleasers do realise that once they develop such a behavior, it is difficult to change. Thanks for sharing your perspective Indrajit, much appreciated.

  5. I’m with you on all counts Balroop. I’ve met a few in my time. And I admit to my own trying to please family sometimes just to avoid confrontation. I’m still working on it! 😉

  6. As someone who has a codependent streak that I am just starting to fully understand, I will also admit to having a people pleaser streak in some ways as well. We all work through our issues in our own ways, and I can see some people bashing going on in this post that makes some big blanket statements.

  7. I have a different view and understanding of people pleasers. To me a people pleaser is someone with low self esteem for one reason or another and they feel that the only way they’ll be loved is by doing what everyone wants them to do. They are very insecure. The type of person you’re describing is a manipulator and maybe even a narcissist. These people have huge egos and will do anything to get what they want.
    Once upon a time, when I was much younger I used to be a people pleaser, in the sense that I felt that if I said no to someone’s request I would somehow ruin our relationship or lose that person as a friend. Sometimes I did it without realizing I was doing it. I had very low self-esteem and was very insecure. Those days are gone now. Through the years I’ve learned to love and value myself and if I don’t have the time, energy, strength, or desire to do something for someone I just say so. I feel that if I lose someone just because I said ‘no’ once or twice than that person wasn’t worth having in the first place. I decided to surround myself with people who are considerate, kind, and fair––people that care about me as much as I care about them. I try to be kind, considerate and respectful toward people but I don’t feel obligated to do something someone asks for fear of losing their friendship or love. Great post! Lots of food for thought. ❤ xx

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