Is it Good to Influence?

Master with puppet

Whenever we try to persuade a person to change his behavior, way of thinking or decisions, we cast the nets of influence on him. Some people do it with love, others with manipulation.

I think none of us can escape them as they are a part of our life, people connected with us in one way or the other. We don’t realize till a particular age, whether being influenced is the right approach. We don’t even know that somebody is trying to influence us.

We agree to follow, out of love, respect or admiration and slowly it becomes our habit. By the time we start resenting the influence, our core beliefs and values are already ingrained in us.

So what we become is, many times, the influence of our parents, teachers, siblings and peers. A lot of people live under the shadow of these influences all their life.

If we try to wriggle out, it is with immense effort and that might affect our dearest relationships.

Is it good to influence?

Most of the synonyms of influence are negative: clout, control, domination, pressure.

“There is no such thing as a good influence. Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions.”—Oscar Wilde.

Before arriving at any such definite conclusion, lets consider why do people influence:Personality

  • To win love or trust.
  • To wield their power or control.
  • To show their supremacy.
  • To intimidate.
  • To inculcate values.
  • To emphasize on their culture.

Love?

Friends, let me tell you very candidly that if you get influenced out of love and if you are ready to dance to the tunes of your partner or spouse because you love him/her, such love can never be real love. Love does not demand, it gives. It lets you ‘be’.

Trust?

Trust too can never be won by exerting influence, it is built bit by bit, it doesn’t just loom out of nowhere, it is won through unconditional love, love which doesn’t burden or force to follow a particular path just because somebody wants you to.

Control!

How do they manage to influence? They play with your emotions, pretend love and manipulate you so cleverly that you fail to see their wiles. Obviously, they are trying to control your way of thinking, restrict your activities and hover around you.

Supremacy!

When they want you to do what they like all the time, it is very clear that they try to establish their supremacy. Such people change your personality completely with their surreptitious ways before you realize it. Then there may be no turning back.

Intimidation!

There are such influencers too; who intimidate you into believing and doing what they think is right. Whether it is done with fabricated love or threats, any such influence, which smothers our opinion or coerces us to follow is repressive.

Values?

When you start living under the shadow of somebody, you lose your own personality and your own passions. In traditional and conservative societies, Influencers get an additional argument to impose their despotic views in the name of upholding their values and culture.

Only those who are insecure try to influence others but they wear a mask of tenacity.

Those with weak emotions, tender heart and kind demeanor can be easily influenced with a little potion of love.

Indecisive persons too get influenced effortlessly. Many times they become puppets in the hands of those whom they believe to be their well-wishers.

My own personality, which was molded by the furnace of time and circumstances, strengthened by the touchstone of varied experiences, has changed a bit due to the benevolence and graciousness of people around me but I have never felt trapped in the nets of influence. However, good influence is dwindling.

Do you know such influencers? Have you ever been influenced? Do you like it? I would love to hear all the answers.
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©Balroop Singh     

Why Arrogant People Don’t Have Friends…

Arrogance

This is my third post on Arrogance, which is inspired from organic traffic.

This word – ‘Arrogance’ is detested by all due to the negative energy it carries but we all like to know more about its aspects and dimensions. Have you read how it can harm our personality?

Arrogance leads you into a self-created glittering world, making you the protagonist of those realms and the throne that feeds your ego is placed at a higher pedestal. It is very difficult to look at others with compassion and love when you gaze from that exalted throne.

Self-love dominates your thoughts and all those around you appear to be your friends and admirers.

Arrogance dwells in such a shallow zone where relationships do not hold any relevance. So friendship and arrogance can never move hand in hand.

Self-importance guides arrogance:

You have to step down from that platform of superciliousness to befriend people but your haughty nature doesn’t let you step down. You think you have a lot of friends and indeed you can see yourself surrounded by many people.

Admirers can never be your true friends. They would surround you till you entertain them, party with them and let your money flow freely for their benefit.

Arrogance detests emotions:

The only emotions that seem to be of any importance to arrogant persons are those, which concern them. If they have been snubbed at some stage of life, they carry that pain in their heart forever. If they have not been treated justly, they would call the whole humanity unjust. When they hide their true emotions from their friends, the latter can understand their demeanor.

Arrogance doesn’t trust anybody:Arrogance quote

Trust is the main plank of true friendship but arrogant people are always on their guard. Their relationships remain superficial. They fail to open their heart to their friends and therefore their friendship never crosses that line of mutual trust. Those who try to be friendly with such people often discover this trait and walk off, feeling cheated.

Nobody likes to be judged and controlled:

Arrogance is that intoxication, which never lets you come to your senses. Those who acquire this trait think highly of themselves and try to judge even their friends. They manipulate them in various ways, which is always disliked. How long can any friend bear such a behavior?

Arrogance mocks at humility:

Such people consider humility to be a weakness. They look down upon benevolent and humble friends, which exposes their own hollowness. Virtues are very hard to maintain and therefore all those who try to endure the behavior of arrogant persons give up out of disappointment.

Arrogance thrives on dominance:

Would you like your friend to control your thoughts, influence you into doing something you may not be comfortable with? Arrogant people are compulsive rulers. They want to govern your feelings, your time and even your likes. They take pleasure in planning for all the people around them.

Do you have arrogant friends? Do you like their company? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Image adapted from: http://windydy.deviantart.com