How to Heal Emotional Hurts?

How to heal emotional hurts
No sane soul hurts deliberately. Yet hurts happen. Today I want to discuss  emotional hurts, which remain deep-rooted, which keep gnawing at our hearts, as we don’t want to share them for fear of ridicule or exposing our relationships, which may appear to be loving and smooth.

Why do people hurt?

  •  Insensitivity towards others
  • Lack of emotional quotient
  • Lack of communication skills
  • Jealousy
  • Arrogance
  • Vindictive attitude
  • Own selfish motives.

Selfish people never think of others. Even if they do, their own pursuits are so overwhelming for them that they are able to justify themselves. They buy peace with self- arguments and get rid of the guilt of hurting their own near and dear ones.

Sometimes vile and toxic people around them encourage them in their goals, by glorifying their efforts to guide them. Such people snatch them away from their most loving friends and relatives.

Sometimes we hurt others unknowingly. We use such words, which pierce the hearts, without realizing their impact.

Have you ever felt the depth of hurt? It is much deeper than we think it to be.

Emotional hurts leave longer shadows behind them. Unlike physical hurts, they are invisible but the marks they make on our psyche are indelible. While some hurts may be subtle, some stare starkly at us and become a burden.

Time is said to be a great healer but it doesn’t really heal. It just fades the memories of hurts. They keep returning in your solemn moments, in your dreams and when ever you think of that person.

 SELF- HEALING

We keep burying emotional hurts into the deepest crevices of our hearts and only address them when they become unbearable. At this point we think of going to a therapist who directs us back to our own efforts!

So self-healing is the only answer and that too requires a huge effort:

  • Keep the thoughts of hurts away by engaging in meaningful tasks.
  • If you must think, try to analyze why you were hurt and who is responsible.
  • There is no harm in admitting if you are the cause. It will help in keeping your mind clear of all the clutter.
  • Accept the fact that the person who has hurt you is no longer attached to you; he or she doesn’t care about your feelings.
  • It is better to detach yourself.
  • Be Positive. Respect yourself.
  • Forgive and forget. Forgiveness is the first step to self-healing.Emotional detachment

It is very painful to detach, I know. That is why probably, time is given the greatest credit but in reality, only self-efforts have the healing power.

Try the following tips:

 Talk to yourself: Self- talking is a very powerful tool in our hands. Let the talk go on and on, don’t try to give it a direction. Let the positive and negative thoughts flow on. When they exhaust themselves, then sift through your thoughts and pick up the positive ones to convince yourself that it is not your fault.

It is just a phase: Accept that you are just going through a bad phase. Everybody has to. You don’t have any control over the circumstances but you can control the damage, which the present situation might do to your mental and emotional health.

Keep yourself busy: If you have work, bury yourself in that. It will keep you away from the depressive thoughts for a while. In case you don’t have a regular routine to keep yourself busy, read a good book, visit a friend, go and meet somebody whose company gives you relief and comfort.

Share your thoughts: Don’t conceal emotional wounds. When you speak out your mind, half of the burden wears off. You can discuss your anxieties and fears with a person you trust, a friend or your mother or sister, whosoever you are comfortable with. It gives immense relief and you will feel lighter.

Cry your heart out: As you share your feelings, let the tears flow. They bring about catharsis and have an amazing healing power. The pain of your heart will melt away for the time being. Let all the thoughts of regret, guilt and forgiveness visit you again and again and let them flow away.

Pour your heart out: Write down all your thoughts, the remorse and the censure and your answers to all the questions that are troubling you. It will give you a strange self- satisfaction and self-healing.

Listen to good music: Good music is a great healing balm; it takes us out of our situation and provides a soothing touch to our heart and soul. “For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.” – Reba McEntire

Have faith in yourself. Self- therapy requires great determination to push aside your anguish and have immense faith in your efforts.

Can hurts ever be forgotten?

We try to deny them in our mind. We tell ourselves that they don’t matter to us but emotional wounds get deeper if we don’t acknowledge them.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

 

 

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Why Are Some Human Beings So Vindictive?

Are you vindictive?

You must have heard the infamous refrain ‘an eye for an eye’ or the age-old dictum ‘Tit for Tat’…Revenge has always seemed sweet to most of the people since times immemorial.

Psychologists and researchers believe that human behavior is determined by the genes and the kind of environment we live in. While the role of Nature and Nurture has always been accepted, even the best of upbringing and education couldn’t exterminate the innate vindictiveness of human beings.

It can be discerned in the innocent squabbling of toddlers; it gets sharpened when they grow up to face the competitive world of sports and schooling and slowly it becomes a part of their personality.

Probably the real reason is rooted in the evolution of human race, which had to struggle to survive against all odds and challenging circumstances. In modern times, when people are blessed with all kinds of materialistic and spiritual choices, revenge refuses to slacken its hold on human psyche.

Why? What could be the possible reasons?

Revenge is triggered not just by deceit, infidelity or injustice.

There are very insignificant reasons, which may not seem as trivial as you could presume.

Negative thoughts: Vengefulness could be a reaction to their own negative thoughts, which make people insecure and jealous. Family bickering and rivalries are the best example of such insecurities. When one member of a family becomes successful or is seen to be happy, others step in with their malicious thoughts of creating rifts to grind their own axe and exploit emotions.

Ruining relationships: Jealous people want all the attention, they want to prove they are the most loving and caring and if they find a challenger, they make a surreptitious attempt to alienate your siblings or other relatives by backbiting; by creating such situations which could prove you to be a villain.

It gives momentary pleasure: Revenge seeker has his own reasons, his frustrations and failures for which he holds others around him responsible. Seeing them suffer could give him pleasure. It might even boost his bruised ego. His helplessness in reacting directly could be camouflaged in the façade of goodness. Revenge hurts you also

It assuages anger: Anger, the most illogical and unbridled emotion gets mitigated by revenge. Hurting others and meting out the most unreasonable treatment through their jibes, punitive actions or passive aggression gratifies such avengers.

It proves one’s power: Vindictive people consider themselves to be more powerful. Sometimes they are influential due to the positions they hold. They could be your bosses or colleagues. A disappointed colleague who was eyeing the promotion you got or the boss who has been given a negative feedback may rob you of your peace of mind. Those who want to let you down would derive sadistic pleasure out of such situations.

Insecurities: “Living well is the best revenge,” said George Herbert but vindictive people don’t let you live well! Your living well exposes their own imperfections to them, making them insecure in their heart of hearts.

Have you heard of nemesis? It is the inescapable agent of someone’s or something’s downfall. An agent of natural justice… some people call it “Karma” and believe that whatever goes, comes around and you have to pay for your evil deeds.

Nemesis catches vindictive people sooner or later!

Vengefulness is a negative streak, which can only be addressed by our own inner voice. Like all negative emotions, it does hold some goodness. It acquaints us with our real self. it might lead us to introspection!

Negative emotions are very subtle and deceptive. They absorb more energy but they often walk away victorious, testing our patience and strength, ennobling us, belittling our ego, thereby transforming us into humble human beings.

You can read more about negative emotions and how they help us.

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

 

My New Book Explores The Connection Between Emotions And Relationships

Are you emotionally healthy? Do you take pride in your relationships? Do you nurture your relationships with care? Have you passed the test of stormy weather that keeps knocking at our doors to warn us that relationships are brittle?

Many such questions keep cropping up in our minds.

Some of the answers bring an audacious awakening.

We wish we had known these questions well before facing a break up.

We wish we had the time and maturity to deal with our relationships.

It is human tendency to take all relationships for granted. Probably we pick that up from our basic relationship with our mother whose unaltered and unconditional love never fades.

We forget that relationships need care and attention; they require a constant sprinkling of sentiments to sparkle.

We forget that relationships are connected with emotions and the latter are extremely molten…flowing at will, just like an animate volcano or a stormy sea.

The sea of emotions keeps becoming wider and deeper if we don’t dive in to take stock of what requires attention.

The webby waves entangle us unless we learn to deal with them.

I have been floundering and learning every moment, often on the verge of emotional inhibitions. I have always emerged stronger. I have been sharing my thoughts and emotions with you for almost two years now.

It is time to launch a book on emotions.

emotional truths

Welcome to the launch of my third book.

This book will guide you how you can keep pace with embellishing your thoughts and channelize your emotions, which can be trained to veer into a positive direction.

This book will infuse a new thrill and vitality into all your relationships. Happiness will seem a real possibility.

Healthy relationships depend on emotional quotient and emotional balance, which can be nurtured.

Can we stop the flow and speed of emotions? Can we learn from their radiance, their cheerful bounce, their twists and twirls? This book unravels their depth and resilience in handling the stormy weather, which is knitted into the fabric of all our relationships.

We look around and feel – ‘Nothing is perfect’… dreams get shattered, hopes are belied; aspirations delude and the opportunities elude us. The clouds have the power to conceal the sunshine and our radiance fails to ignite positive thoughts.

This book will answer all those questions; give a new hope to your dreams and usher in a new dawn.

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” – Oscar Wilde

I am sure nobody would like to be at the mercy of anger, impatience and impetuousness, which play havoc with our relationships.

I am sure you would bless me after reading this book as it focuses on appreciation, calmness, emotional resilience and people.

If you have liked to be a part of this launch, please share it at your favorite social networks. I would like my book to reach all your friends.

Please click on the link:

You can download a FREE copy of this book for the next three days – from 14 August 2015 to 16 August 2015, midnight.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.