Why Most Men Develop Cold Feet Over Emotional Issues

Men and emotionsMen are most enthusiastic to woo a woman, they try to please her in every possible way, show how cultured and chivalrous they are and are ready to cross all the bridges to win her trust.

Once they succeed and feel that they have the commitment and the comfort of a home, they withdraw, try to find pleasure in other activities and may even drift into the arms of another woman.

Emotions and relationships don’t move them or they pretend so!

They hide behind stereotype:

They don’t try to come out of the closet and love to dwell in the age-old traditional mold created for them, by the society. They have been told ‘to be a man.’ They take pride in that role assigned to them ages ago. Man, you have to move with the changing times! You have to open your heart. Emotions are easier than science or space. If women can learn both why can’t you?

They don’t share their fears:

It goes against male ego to admit that something scares them. They feel threatened by the strength and power of women, more so in the modern set up. The emotional quotient and resilience of their partner is intimidating and they try to diminish it by exhibiting their control. In some cases it goes beyond that and it comes out in the form of anger, their most loved emotion!

They evade family bonds:

Most of the bonding with the extended family is nurtured by women. Men like to sit and bask in the glory of family get together, without caring for the food to be served, the gifts to be given and the pleasing talk to be shared. They can easily learn all this but they don’t make an effort. Such an attitude affects the next generation too.

Emotional upheavals shatter them:

They lack the ability to process emotions in a positive manner. They thrive on negative emotions like anger, aggression and denial. It is not true that they don’t feel the loss or the rejection. They don’t want to accept and admit that they are upset. They want to handle their grief in their own manner, which isolates them. When you hide your emotions, it takes a longer time to emerge out of anguish.

Emotions

They don’t want confrontation:

They avoid an argument because they know they won’t be able to carry it forward. The moment they are asked a personal question like ‘why are you so quiet’, ‘what is perturbing you?’ They draw into their shell, which makes them emotionally aloof. Men don’t like to give explanations; don’t like to discuss; they just know how to give orders. Even those who don’t give orders and are gentle by nature are less expressive.

They wear a mask:

They are emotionally challenged but don’t like criticism. Isn’t it strangely paradoxical? Even a random inadvertent comment can hurt them but they pretend to be okay. They learn to live with hypocrisy and are adept at wearing different masks for different occasions. They don’t want to accept that they need to learn emotional language. They are more comfortable with texting than looking into your eyes to say what they want.

They consider expression of emotions a ‘Drama’:

Emotionally expressive persons are dubbed as ‘drama queens’ and are often ignored. Men make no effort to understand why emotional outbursts become uncontrollable, why tears flow spontaneously and how much of truth is there in such emotions. I have seen boys more expressive till adolescence sets in and then they start learning the clichés and concealing true emotions.

They don’t want to show their true colors:

Emotional insecurity keeps them guarded and some of them can lie to keep their feelings under wraps. If you try to dig deeper, they may burst out saying ‘you are interrogating!’ They are scared of blurting out something they might regret later. Their primitive image of a protector and a provider still follows them. It is reinforced by mothers who take pride in raising domineering sons.

Disclaimer: The above observations are based on my own experiences and understanding. There could be exceptions as there always are.

If you know any such exceptional men or you are the one, I would love to hear your views.

If you have ever made an effort to learn more about emotions and how to share them, you are most welcome to discuss them here.

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Balroop Singh.