Understanding Negativity and Negative Thoughts

Negativity

A dear family member has not returned home on time. His phone is not responding. The weather is pretty bad and you have to attend a family gathering. You don’t want to be late but you are worried. What is the first thought that crosses your mind?

Is it negative? I am sure it is, as human brain seems to be wired for negativity in such circumstances. Positive emotions have to be cultivated but negative ones are innate; they are our natural armor. However hard you try to shove them, they keep cropping up.

Negative thoughts rule our life, as negative energy travels faster; people are more interested in negative aspects of a colleague or an acquaintance and they take pleasure in being judgmental. Even school children enjoy gossip and criticism and vent it out in the form of bullying or unruly behavior.

Fear, loss, failure govern our thoughts when we make some major decisions. We talk to ourselves in a negative tone, we start believing that we were at fault and failure affects us deeply.

Why are people negative?

  • They have been hurt at an impressionable age
  • Their hurts could be deep-rooted
  • They hold others responsible for their behavior
  • They have never tried to emerge out of the shadows
  • Fears dominate their thoughts
  • They could be internally insecure
  • They don’t like to introspect

Upbringing plays a major part in forming your thoughts. If people around you lack positivity, have faced too many setbacks in life and are all the time struggling to keep up appearances, you are bound to pick up those vibes. You learn to grapple with the thorns on your path by carrying a tough exterior.

Lack of love in childhood affects emotions in a negative manner. When a child doesn’t get a positive nudge and has to depend on his own feelings, he weaves a protective web around himself. One failure defines his efforts for him, one rejection seems like the end of the road and he learns to blame others. As an adult, his self-defense is negativity.

Negative peoplePeer group exerts significant pressure on us. Social development and true friendships are formed at a young age but rejection; bullying and negative attitude of peer group could hurt your self-esteem. It may lead to the loss of faith in the goodness of humanity. Negative interactions leave a lasting impact on the psyche of those who feel rejected.

What you read, the kind of books you were exposed to builds your perspective. Early impressions tend to stay and you veer toward negative reading – books about ghosts, monsters and villainous creatures become your favorites. You may define life in the same way. You wear a façade of contentment and happiness but could be bitter inside.

Criticism nurtures negativity, as it gives a wrong message to the listener. It is an attack on self-esteem, makes him think he is “no good.” If you were criticized during your developmental years, you tend to grab negativity unknowingly. Negative traits get entrenched in the personality.

Negative emotions too could be beneficial but only if we understand them and are ready to introspect. Read more: How Negative Thoughts Can Be Beneficial For Our Personality.

How do you handle your negative thoughts? Do you know such a person?

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Balroop Singh.

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A Page From Earthy’s Diary…

A page from a Diary

My New Shoes…

The long awaited day did come when I got the opportunity to buy new shoes. I had been waiting for this day, the day daddy would take me along and I would be able to spend some time in his company. Such delightful moments are so rare yet they add great hope to my existence.

The bike moved quite slowly and I kept chattering…knowing well that dad is the only person who would never tell me to ‘be quiet.’ I know he would have never said ‘girls don’t speak so much.’ He listens to all my stories with a twinkle in his eye. I love him so much!

Some moments are so precious. This one I was going to cherish. I could tell the story to my friends. Now they would know I have a loving dad. Now they wouldn’t make fun of my dirty, worn out shoes. Now I would run with confidence!

I chose my new shoes. I didn’t care much about the style or the color. The excitement of going out with dad and be myself was more significant than anything. My focus was dad, my hero, my savior who was always interested in my demands and only he fulfilled them.

After buying the shoes I was told to sit on a rickshaw and go home. I looked into dad’s eyes, pleading my unwillingness. Probably he didn’t understand. The words I wanted to speak stuck in my throat, out of the fear of going home alone. I pretended to be strong and didn’t utter a word of protest.

With one hand I balanced myself and held the verge of the rickshaw tightly. The other hand was holding the box of shoes tightly lest it might slip from my hand. No other journey could have been as long as this one. I hated my dad for sending me home like that. I knew he too didn’t love me.

Why didn’t he ask? Why couldn’t he go to his office late? Why is he so insensitive? I kept asking all these questions to myself, trying to analyze and now I am writing them down, hoping to get all the answers when I am big.

When I ran inside the house, put the box of shoes down in the patio and sat on it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I tried to put myself together. As usual I didn’t want to share my feelings with Trod who would mock and tease. I don’t want to tell anyone about my insecurity, I know I can handle it alone.

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Mama didn’t ask me why I was sitting in the middle of patio. She yelled…‘Are you going to sit all day, looking at those shoes? Put them inside and come and help me in the kitchen.’

I felt like throwing that box of shoes at her. I felt like opening my mouth fully and scream loudly. I wanted to tell somebody how my heart was racing, how scared I was. I wanted a soft word of reassurance, a gentle hug and a caress.

I got that from you dear diary. Thank you so much for being my only companion, my haven of love and comfort. …Earthy.

Dedicated to all those children who have to handle their fears alone, who feel neglected or bullied and crave for parental attention.

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Balroop Singh

 

 

 

 

Fears And Unknown Anxieties… Do They Keep Returning?

Fear-Quotes-36

Do fears hibernate like reptiles? Are they similar to anxieties?

To my mind, most fears are external, caused by people and circumstances. Anxieties are internal – they could be unshared thoughts that scare us or cause uneasiness.

I eliminated my fears long back, having convinced myself that nothing scares me. I could face all kinds of people – the angry mother, the bullying brother, the intimidating boss, clever and selfish friends, the insecure colleagues, the indignant parents and some unruly students staring at me, with dagger eyes!

Interviews have never given me any nervous feeling albeit I have failed many.

I always had the courage to say whatever I wanted to… I have been called outspoken and rude for my temerity to stand up to injustice.

I always tried to close my eyes to those shadows of the past that followed me, warning them that they were powerless.

I have emerged out of them, knowing well that I could vanquish them with the bold spirit that I seem to have inherited.

That sinking of the heart when the airplane shudders in the air, that same feeling when the earthquake strikes is the only conscious and uncontrollable fear that lurks around me and I tell myself… ‘Well, I am not afraid of death. I am ready for it!’

As a child, whenever I closed my eyes to sleep, a small web like circle would always go round and round, multiplying itself into many. I could never interpret them or share that fear with anybody. Too scared to see it in reality, I would close my eyes tighter and they would keep on spinning, creating a contraction in my heart and a lump in my throat.

I could deal with those unknown fears alone. I have never shared this visual with anyone, thinking nobody would believe me. I knew I would be scoffed at.

I refused to struggle with the external fears and told myself that they are just a creation of my mind.

I have always lived like ‘I have nothing to fear’, as Fran Sorin’s guest, Tess Marshall, creator of The Bold Life suggests.

Intimidation could never affect me. My positive thoughts were stronger than bullying or accepting defeat.

I know I have emerged with invincible resilience.Slide1

Even after all these experiences with fear, after having defeated all of them, some fears are quite strange and inexplicable as they return in my dreams, even now.

May be in my eagerness to fight all kinds of fears, they got entrenched in my subconscious mind, revealing themselves only in dreams and that too in a vague, weird manner!

Whenever I have a feeling of insecurity or distress, I sleep badly. The nightmares are not very intense but I often wake up, having lost, unable to cross a water body or being surrounded by a sudden surge of water. If I try to take a different route to return home, water bars my way.

This recurrent dream has been quite consistent and whenever it returns, a grim reminder hits me – you can dismiss fears, bury them, forget them but you can’t completely wipe them out of your system as they slide into the inner recesses of our mind and get activated in the most unexpected manner.

I share my fears only with my inner voice.

I have been learning to calm them down with the most logical approach that fear is an innate emotion; all fears are a product of this emotion.

Can we eliminate an inborn emotion? Then why do we delude ourselves with the belief that we can obliterate ‘fear’ out of our minds?

I have written about this delusion.

You can click to read more: Swamped By Fears? The Real Monsters…

Thank you for reading this. I am sure you have some thoughts about fear. Please share them.

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Balroop Singh.

Image credit: http://m.diary.ru

 

Swamped By Fears? The Real Monsters…

BALROOP SINGH

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Walking down the road today, my friend shared the worst of her fears with me. I was taken aback! I had always considered her to be the most confident, bubbly and secure person, comfortably settled in life.  

The shadows of fears follow us in all walks of life. I am sure all of you have looked at them in trepidation.

Once we grow out of basic childhood and adolescent fears, the real monsters strike us! The fear of competition, the fear of failure, the fear of others’ success bothers us…makes us doubt our own capabilities! The fear of losing our emotional anchors, the fear of the unknown, of being inadequate frightens us.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”Plato

The illuminated path is very exciting and alluring but the fear of stumbling is always attached to it; as brightness often blinds our eyes…the alligators of defeating your efforts are waiting to devour you! Such fears shrink our heart; wound our spirit and skepticism creeps in to consume the remnants of our mettle to fight them.

Liberation from fears, whether they are external or internal, is therefore very important to accomplish our goals.Image

IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS:

This is the first step on the ladder. Unless we know what scares us and accept its presence, we wont be able to eliminate it. Often we keep denying that some insecurity is bogging us down. It seems our ego refuses to accept the fears which keep lurking in some corner of our mind.

SHARE THEM:

We don’t like to share and discuss our fears with anybody…again the reason could be the fear of being looked down upon or ridiculed! But sharing reduces the stress and burden of carrying negative thoughts. We must have at least one confidant to discuss our insecurities. It really helps.

FACE THEM:

When you are pushed to the wall, it starts crumbling and a day comes when you emerge bolder, with a resolve to face the world with all your might. The power of fear recedes as we learn to encounter it.

STOP COMPARING:

No two persons are alike. We have to understand that our efforts may not yield the same results as our friend or brother. So if the success of your own brother is putting some pressure on your performance, it is better to accept that he could be smarter or more hardworking or manipulative. You cannot possess his qualities and talent. You have to focus on your own aspirations and success.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MIND:

Fear may be very subjective but it possesses a great motivating feature… as it impels us to take risks. So train your mind to think positive and all your fears will evaporate slowly.

“Seeing that a Pilot steers the ship in which we sail, who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be overwhelmed with fear…”John Calvin

With the armor of positive thinking, determination and will power, we can fight and conquer all kinds of fear.

Did you have any fears? How did you overcome them? Make your valuable contribution here; by leaving a comment.

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