What Is The Best Apology?

Real apology
There are two kinds of apologies – one that is real, that makes you feel guilty to introspect and change your behavior. Second is the one that is done just to please, to avoid an argument, shift the responsibility or save a relationship.

When I was growing up, I was many times told to apologize to assuage the feelings of somebody though I had done no harm. Even when I refused to do a chore that I didn’t feel like doing or felt it was below my dignity to polish the shoes of a sibling, I was given a violent reward and told to apologize!

Obviously I refused, as I didn’t believe in such an apology. In my view, a sincere apology is the one that emanates from one’s heart and is well deserved too.

Do you believe in apology? Some people don’t, as it is below their dignity to apologize.

Why?

  • People who maintain emotional distance never apologize.
  • Their ego and pride is bigger than all relationships.
  • They don’t want to take the blame.
  • They don’t want to abdicate power and control over others.
  • They believe in self-righteousness, not humility.
  • Anger and bitterness may overpower their goodness.
  • Self-esteem, which they nurture, is all-important.

On the other hand are people who apologize profusely and live that moment only to forget it the next day.

  • They are most insensitive.
  • They live within moments.
  • They never make an effort to change.
  • For them, apology is just a face saver.
  • Fear of consequences propel them to apologize.
  • They could be living in the shadow of their own insecurities.

Which ones do you like?

Is apology meaningless? Sometimes, if it is not received well.

Recently my argumentative muse mentioned that apology and forgiveness go hand in hand. In order to forgive, an apologetic and receptive heart is required. If forgiveness is not received well, it becomes meaningless.

I reminded her that we forgive for our own solace. The person I forgive may remain as vindictive as ever, may remain indifferent and hostile but all those negative vibes return to the heart they stem from. They can never touch me because the moment I forgive, I detach myself from such people.

Forgiving ourselves

Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for the hurts we may have caused to others. We may justify our actions by telling ourselves that ‘we didn’t hurt intentionally’ but we can never comprehend the perspective of others who think otherwise.

I know forgiveness is not easy. I have painstakingly taught myself this art. I kept on reassuring myself for many years that I would never forgive certain people, as this thought gave me a grim satisfaction that I have vindicated myself.apology quote

I also know very well that basic human behavior has not changed for ages. What we have learnt is the art of wearing masks. We try not to offend, we choose our words carefully, we avoid the topic that may cause unpleasantness, and we become ambivalent whenever a direct question is asked but we never reveal what lies within our heart. We never share our most secret thoughts.

The best apology is to change your behavior:

Change may be hard but only through behavioral changes do we become a likeable person. Is it so hard to change one’s behavior?

  1. We could begin with kindness, the virtue, which is innate, which is like a candle that needs just a spark to get ignited. A kind word spoken with sincerity is always heard.
  2. We could stop making glum faces and smile more often to reassure the other person that our apology was honest.
  3. We could try to be emotionally present during our interactions and keep our digital devices away.
  4. A meaningful conversation melts away many fears and insecurities.
  5. We could respect each other with little gestures of sharing the chores we detest.
  6. It is better to forgive even those who refuse to acknowledge it. Their own moment of understanding the value of apology would hit them one day. Let their age yield them at the altar of forgiveness.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

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Balroop Singh.

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#writephoto The Power Of Invitation

passage

Each step evoked emphatic emotion
Indecisiveness stopped me as I wavered
Love impelled me towards the door
Gleaming glow attracted as hope soared

Memories came gliding down the railing
One after the other like siblings smiling
Laughter reverberated around me
All those celebrations I could see

The staircase was suddenly alive
With music and numerous sounds
Confetti came softly swaying down
Out of nowhere…embellishing my gown

I knew forgiveness lay behind the door
It was finally open…
The glistening gleams beckon
And I enter with dreams to reckon

Soft steps towards familiar faces
Moist eyes, passionate hugs
Years of separation melt within hours
Thanksgiving invitation empowers!
© Balroop Singh.

I owe gratitude to Sue Vincent for an inspiring photoprompt, which was too hard to resist!

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Where Should I Begin?

bg3

Last night
An angel of forgiveness
Woke me up…
I was wonderstruck to see
Blue and purple light
In my room
 
She sat by my bedside
We had a cozy conversation
Caressing my locks, she counseled…
‘Forgive them dear,
Forgive them all
Don’t carry any affliction’
 
Abrasively I looked up
The pain in my eyes dwindled
With the promise – ‘I will try.’
A strange light spread around me
Immersed me completely
And my Angel smiled.
 
But I don’t know where to begin
Should I begin with childhood robbers?
Or devils I encountered
While growing up
Or tyrants
Who tried to snatch my freedom of speech?
 
Or those hypocrites
Who took me for a ride?
Or those who feigned friendship?
The list may be long
But the purple light of forgiveness
Is all around me, encompassing all.
 
© Balroop Singh
All rights reserved.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.