Anger is a natural and normal emotion, a usual response to injustice experienced by all living beings… triggered by people around us by use of offensive words, provocative looks or aggressive body language.
Anger…we all detest it, try to deal with it in our own way yet we keep meeting it in different forms and faces.
I have seen people tremble, cry and give in, in the face of anger.
We all know the long-term mental and emotional damage that it can cause to the perpetrator and the recipient yet we let it overpower us.
Anger has been my closest companion; I have seen it unfold before my eyes… sometimes admiring it silently when I saw how much power it could unleash!
I could never be intimidated by this emotion, may be because I associated so much of power with it and I had seen it too often, thereby acquiring immunity!
Growing up with anger can impair your ability to react in a normal manner OR it can make you a mountain, ready to face and absorb all kinds of storms and tornadoes that may hit you.
Despite its detrimental effects, I have always liked C. JoyBell’s positive outlook…
“Anger is like flowing water; there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow…On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human.”
Anger around me made me a strong reactor to injustice but it also gave me an amazing forbearance to assimilate all kinds of windstorms.
How do you react to anger?
- Do you explode loudly?
- Do you threaten, bully?
- Do you use unsavory language?
- Do you become vindictive?
- Do you indulge in harmful activities?
Have you ever noticed that all these reactions do not harm the other person at all? There may be a momentary effect on those who had provoked you. They could be well prepared for your outburst, emotionally as well as physically.
Anger inflicts more misery and imbalance of emotions on you than the other person, who may be watching the fun, whose motive could be upsetting you to disengage you from your successful pursuits.
The intention could be weakening or breaking the bonds with certain persons, to eliminate them out of your life. The purpose could be defiling your reputation, by making you the pawn of his/her plans.
My outlook on anger is slightly different, as you can see from the above arguments. I have learnt about this emotion in the school of experience, gathering all the facts and nuances directly from the source.
I don’t believe in suppressing anger as my culture advocates, especially for women because nobody could ever explain to me why men have all the freedom to be angry and why women are expected to be calm. Each ounce of my blood revolted against this discrimination and I impulsively learnt to vent my anger…giving it back instantly.
So I had to learn one more aspect of it—how to tame it and bring it under control, in some cases and situations.
You can tame your anger:
1. Observe the consequences:
Anger affects your own emotional state; it clouds your judgment and often leads to lack of communication. It creates rifts in relationships and you have to make special efforts to bounce back. Pondering over the outcome of your angry reactions may help you understand the importance of controlling this emotion.
2. Nurture the intention:
Self-help is the best help…willingness to control angry reactions is the first step, which only we can take. Unless we convince ourselves that we need to control anger, it is quite challenging to do so. I have seen such persons who make no conscious effort towards making amends. They consider anger as a powerful tool to impress and wield control. They never change.
3. Talk to Yourself:
When you get angry, you don’t get the opportunity to think. The reaction hits you so spontaneously that you realize when the whole outburst gets over! If you could think logically at that time, obviously you would be more careful. So you have to learn this art of controlling instant reactions by talking to yourself. There is no magic wand, which will immediately control anger; you have to prepare yourself for such situations slowly.
The amazing power of meditation reveals how you can indulge in self-talk to calm your mind. Taking deep breaths or counting up to ten or taking a walk, away from the trigger doesn’t help because it doesn’t calm down the emotion; it keeps simmering, waiting to burst like a volcano. Whether you are an angry person by nature or by circumstances, meditating just on this emotion on regular basis can bring about astonishing changes. A sense of hope, right intentions and self-awareness is very essential for this self-therapy.
5. Forgive and forget:
I know it is easier said than done but forgiveness is a sure way of calming your mind. I am not advocating the need of renewing the ties, which have soured. We need to forgive for our own state of mind, for comforting our own anger. You can write one letter everyday to yourself and the person with whom you are angry or you hold responsible for your anger.
Have you met anger? How do you react to it?
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