Is it Good to Influence?

Master with puppet

Whenever we try to persuade a person to change his behavior, way of thinking or decisions, we cast the nets of influence on him. Some people do it with love, others with manipulation.

I think none of us can escape them as they are a part of our life, people connected with us in one way or the other. We don’t realize till a particular age, whether being influenced is the right approach. We don’t even know that somebody is trying to influence us.

We agree to follow, out of love, respect or admiration and slowly it becomes our habit. By the time we start resenting the influence, our core beliefs and values are already ingrained in us.

So what we become is, many times, the influence of our parents, teachers, siblings and peers. A lot of people live under the shadow of these influences all their life.

If we try to wriggle out, it is with immense effort and that might affect our dearest relationships.

Is it good to influence?

Most of the synonyms of influence are negative: clout, control, domination, pressure.

“There is no such thing as a good influence. Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions.”—Oscar Wilde.

Before arriving at any such definite conclusion, lets consider why do people influence:Personality

  • To win love or trust.
  • To wield their power or control.
  • To show their supremacy.
  • To intimidate.
  • To inculcate values.
  • To emphasize on their culture.

Love?

Friends, let me tell you very candidly that if you get influenced out of love and if you are ready to dance to the tunes of your partner or spouse because you love him/her, such love can never be real love. Love does not demand, it gives. It lets you ‘be’.

Trust?

Trust too can never be won by exerting influence, it is built bit by bit, it doesn’t just loom out of nowhere, it is won through unconditional love, love which doesn’t burden or force to follow a particular path just because somebody wants you to.

Control!

How do they manage to influence? They play with your emotions, pretend love and manipulate you so cleverly that you fail to see their wiles. Obviously, they are trying to control your way of thinking, restrict your activities and hover around you.

Supremacy!

When they want you to do what they like all the time, it is very clear that they try to establish their supremacy. Such people change your personality completely with their surreptitious ways before you realize it. Then there may be no turning back.

Intimidation!

There are such influencers too; who intimidate you into believing and doing what they think is right. Whether it is done with fabricated love or threats, any such influence, which smothers our opinion or coerces us to follow is repressive.

Values?

When you start living under the shadow of somebody, you lose your own personality and your own passions. In traditional and conservative societies, Influencers get an additional argument to impose their despotic views in the name of upholding their values and culture.

Only those who are insecure try to influence others but they wear a mask of tenacity.

Those with weak emotions, tender heart and kind demeanor can be easily influenced with a little potion of love.

Indecisive persons too get influenced effortlessly. Many times they become puppets in the hands of those whom they believe to be their well-wishers.

My own personality, which was molded by the furnace of time and circumstances, strengthened by the touchstone of varied experiences, has changed a bit due to the benevolence and graciousness of people around me but I have never felt trapped in the nets of influence. However, good influence is dwindling.

Do you know such influencers? Have you ever been influenced? Do you like it? I would love to hear all the answers.
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©Balroop Singh     

Who is Weak?

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Pixabay image by Marianne Sopala

The strong and the mighty
Try to push you around
Whatever the weather
They don’t want you together

“Why are you happy?
How could you…without me?
I hold the power
How dare you flower?”

Is it jealousy or arrogance?
Lack of love or loneliness?
Humility at their feet,
They trample you with conceit

Domineering seems to be their right
Insecurities weaken their hearts
Love vibes refuse to step-in,
Aggression is their sole weapon

Yet they fail to snatch smiles
Which build bridges across miles
Little houses are a haven of peace
They offer you ethereal ease.
© Balroop Singh, February 2019

Inspired from D. Wallace Peach’s “Monthly Speculative Fiction Writing Prompt.” Please hop over to her blog to read more and get inspired.

Thank you Diana, for a thought-provoking  #WritingPrompt.

You can click here for more poetry.

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The Land Of The Dead

The Land Of The Dead

They lived in the land of the dead
Nodding to whatever was said
Muttering to themselves…
‘His word is law…he is the lord
A God sent messiah…
He has given us all’.

Content with their muted state
Always ready to bite the bait.
They crept into their graves
And the institution thrived.
The devil exulted at his success
The dead never speak, he surmised.

Someone entered the land of the dead
Dragged life along ahead
Stirred them out of their slumber
But before muffled voices
Could be heard, he was yelled at
Cursed, chastised, forced to quit

Could anyone force out fortitude?
Could he ever be booed?
When people learn to understand
Submission to injustice
Is akin to living
In self-created graves…

They wake up before it is too late
Speak out their mind with berate
Break the fetters of intimidation
Rise from the graves and look around
The sun is shining splendidly
And they are still alive!
© Balroop Singh
All rights reserved.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Fears And Unknown Anxieties… Do They Keep Returning?

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Do fears hibernate like reptiles? Are they similar to anxieties?

To my mind, most fears are external, caused by people and circumstances. Anxieties are internal – they could be unshared thoughts that scare us or cause uneasiness.

I eliminated my fears long back, having convinced myself that nothing scares me. I could face all kinds of people – the angry mother, the bullying brother, the intimidating boss, clever and selfish friends, the insecure colleagues, the indignant parents and some unruly students staring at me, with dagger eyes!

Interviews have never given me any nervous feeling albeit I have failed many.

I always had the courage to say whatever I wanted to… I have been called outspoken and rude for my temerity to stand up to injustice.

I always tried to close my eyes to those shadows of the past that followed me, warning them that they were powerless.

I have emerged out of them, knowing well that I could vanquish them with the bold spirit that I seem to have inherited.

That sinking of the heart when the airplane shudders in the air, that same feeling when the earthquake strikes is the only conscious and uncontrollable fear that lurks around me and I tell myself… ‘Well, I am not afraid of death. I am ready for it!’

As a child, whenever I closed my eyes to sleep, a small web like circle would always go round and round, multiplying itself into many. I could never interpret them or share that fear with anybody. Too scared to see it in reality, I would close my eyes tighter and they would keep on spinning, creating a contraction in my heart and a lump in my throat.

I could deal with those unknown fears alone. I have never shared this visual with anyone, thinking nobody would believe me. I knew I would be scoffed at.

I refused to struggle with the external fears and told myself that they are just a creation of my mind.

I have always lived like ‘I have nothing to fear’, as Fran Sorin’s guest, Tess Marshall, creator of The Bold Life suggests.

Intimidation could never affect me. My positive thoughts were stronger than bullying or accepting defeat.

I know I have emerged with invincible resilience.Slide1

Even after all these experiences with fear, after having defeated all of them, some fears are quite strange and inexplicable as they return in my dreams, even now.

May be in my eagerness to fight all kinds of fears, they got entrenched in my subconscious mind, revealing themselves only in dreams and that too in a vague, weird manner!

Whenever I have a feeling of insecurity or distress, I sleep badly. The nightmares are not very intense but I often wake up, having lost, unable to cross a water body or being surrounded by a sudden surge of water. If I try to take a different route to return home, water bars my way.

This recurrent dream has been quite consistent and whenever it returns, a grim reminder hits me – you can dismiss fears, bury them, forget them but you can’t completely wipe them out of your system as they slide into the inner recesses of our mind and get activated in the most unexpected manner.

I share my fears only with my inner voice.

I have been learning to calm them down with the most logical approach that fear is an innate emotion; all fears are a product of this emotion.

Can we eliminate an inborn emotion? Then why do we delude ourselves with the belief that we can obliterate ‘fear’ out of our minds?

I have written about this delusion.

You can click to read more: Swamped By Fears? The Real Monsters…

Thank you for reading this. I am sure you have some thoughts about fear. Please share them.

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Balroop Singh.

Image credit: http://m.diary.ru

 

The Golden Cage

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Trapped in the golden cage
The cage of unfulfilled desires
The cage of love and expectations
The cage with vast vistas,
Each door so welcoming
Yet so deceptive!

The pleasures of caged life
The gratification of cravings
Kept her tightly bound.
With clipped wings she looks around,
Distressed dove later found
That was her life!

A life of tragic torture,
A life of total surrender
In the sea of tears
Facing physical and mental anguish
Muffled voice…
Suppressed by own desires!

Longing to break free
Yet seeking little moment of glee
Conspiring to grab all
Knowing well,
The cage would never open
The golden cage was her fate.

 

© Balroop Singh.

This poem is an excerpt from my book ‘Sublime Shadows Of Life’ (available at Amazon.com)

You can just click on the name of the book and look at the free sample! You can borrow it FREE if you are a Kindle member.

Sometimes it becomes quite difficult to save yourself from such traps, they appear to be tempting but their delusion dawns on us when it is too late. What are your thoughts about such situations? I would love to hear your views.

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