A Journey

You have always robbed meHope, positivity
Of my happiness, my triumph
Weakened my strength, my confidence
Rubbished my care, my concern
Hurt my most cherished memories.
 
Created a world for yourself
Beyond my reach…
My love can’t reach there anymore
Your incredible indifference
Could reach me… I’ve absorbed it.
 
But you have also given me
A flight of fantasy
To detach…to disengage
And enter my own exotic realm
Embark on a journey of my own…
 
I am immersed in a strange light
Streaming through me
Sending the waves of forgiveness
Spreading the message of love
Unconditional…absolute.
© Balroop Singh.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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When Our Emotions Get Hurt…

People,detach

I am sure you can relate to this. We all have bruised egos, bleeding hearts and moments of discontent. Emotional upheavals are a part of our lives.

We have a lot of expectations from our near and dear ones, especially our parents, children, siblings and friends.

We love them and expect the same kind of love in return. We do the best for them and think that they would understand us. Many times they misinterpret our love as interference.

Our definition of love could be different from theirs. Their lack of interaction with us may disappoint us, we may wonder where did we err, which has made them selfish and self-centered and we may even feel guilty for having failed to have that kind of warmth we anticipate.

Too much love boomerangs. It loses its sheen. Our emotions get hurt.

At such moments, try to put yourself in their shoes. Just think that their perspective could be unlike ours.

I know it takes a lot of time to rise from the dumps of emotional distress…

The babies we nurtured are grown up adults now, emotionally and financially independent. They like to take their own decisions.

The parents who doted on them seem to be superfluous. You could be one such parent.

The siblings who shared all their secrets with us have their own soul mates and children, who are dearer to them than us.

We may feel isolated.

The friends we had have moved on with their life.

When situations change, attitudes also change. Emotional balance appears to be the most significant aspect of such a scenario.

How to handle emotional hurts?

Learn from hurts: We have to accept change, which is an inevitable law of life. All relationships evolve with the passage of time. Prepare yourself for change in the outlook of people around you. Please understand that their own life and pursuits are more important for them. They don’t mean to hurt you; they just have a different perception, which you may not appreciate.

Learn to trust them: Your contribution to the growth and development of persons in your life could have been gigantic but now is the time to sit back and take pride in their success and happiness. You can trust them to take responsible decisions. If they seem to go astray, you can only help them by reminding them but they will learn only when they stumble.Love you

Give up control: It may seem very difficult to give up the role of mentoring your children yet you cannot control them all your life. The sooner you realize this, the better it is for your mental health. Don’t give them any advice if it is not asked.

Let them be what they choose: The best gift you can give to your children and siblings is – let them be what they want. It may be against your own ideals and expectations but you cant snatch their happiness by imposing your view on them.

Support them: Despite the differences and bitterness, which creep into relationships slowly, don’t alienate yourself. Keep in touch and support their decisions. Give your opinion only when asked to. Remember you are no longer the most important person in their lives.

Respect yourself: If you feel alienated at some stage of life, step back and introspect. Let all the thoughts gather and sift the ones, which can help in getting over the hurt. Brooding or letting the past linger around you can only accentuate the ache. Let go the past, give it some time to wilt and wither. You will emerge stronger.

Cultivate emotional balance: Don’t get carried away by the attitudes, which could hurt your emotions, don’t try to be judgmental even if the indifference of a dear friend or a sibling is irksome. Learn to give them a benefit of doubt as your thoughts could be far fetched.

Find new activities: Keep yourself busy, join a club, a recreation center or revive one of those hobbies you couldn’t pursue. Spread your arms and feel free. If you are an introvert, take refuge in your old journal and share your feelings with it.

Nobody listens to our emotions as ardently as our journal.

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.” – Max Lerner

How do you deal with emotional hurts? I am waiting for your answers.

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Balroop Singh.

Are Memories Timeless Treasures Or Learning Experiences?

Memories

Memories are those endless treasures, which we can keep exploring till eternity and bask in their glory like a slow swinging hammock!

Like Ellen Hopkins, let me ‘open that bottle of memories they’re pouring out like wine, crimson and bittersweet.’

We can completely get immersed the moment they start pouring out!

Heartwarming memories, some sweet, some bitter and vivid, long-lasting and precious…unforgettable fond memories, haunt us if we happen to be sensitive as they have a profound connection with our emotions.

Some memories stand before us with extended arms, ready to embrace us lovingly…the first crush, those hands ensconced into each other’s, those amorous glances…that walk in the rain, huddling together…the touch of your new born child, the most precious possession…myriad such moments are stored effortlessly in the mind’s eye.

Happy memories yearn for those times to return, resist and resent change.

Unhappy memories are tenacious, they get entrenched in our minds retaining their ghost like exterior… they can tear us apart with their piercing, menacing eyes.

Repressed memories get embedded in the subconscious mind despite our best efforts to shove them out.

Sometimes I have to close that inward eye to stop the reel of memories so that they bounce back into the subconscious mind.

Sometimes I hear those loud voices…let go…forget the past…detach, I dump all those memories and choose only joyous ones yet they keep returning whenever the connection emerges.

One of my colleagues had a magical eraser, which didn’t leave any mark on the sheet. Sometimes I wish such an eraser could be invented to expunge unwanted memories from our memory bank!

Have you ever thought why certain memories keep coming back?

Have you ever wondered why certain facts, songs, statements or situations can be recalled without any effort whereas important information or textual details have to be read again and again to recollect them?

Psychologists have called the former as implicit memory and the latter as explicit memory

It is this memory, which is called implicit that holds our moments…moments of delight, of exhilaration, of accomplishment, of pride and countless such emotional instants.

We hold them in high esteem, clutch them as if they were the only possessions worthmemories keeping and derive pleasure out of them during our hours of solitude. We keep interacting with them till we realize their material nature.

They come with a large baggage, which we refuse to give up!

“Forgetting isn’t enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and again. They circle you, like sharks.” – Sara Zarr

They also come with some profound lessons if we are ready to discern and digest:

  • Childhood memories are the strongest reminders of love and affection. Handle children with care.
  • Don’t invest all your emotions in one person. Memories of such a person can drain you.
  • Attachments are aching reminders of fond memories.
  • Dwelling in the past is futile as it retrieves painful memories.
  • All people we meet leave an impact on our life. Avoid negative people as much as you can.
  • Memorable people affect us deeply with their qualities. They give us good memories.
  • Earliest happy memories convey life-lessons of happiness and relaxation, which are picked up from parents and siblings.

Memories are like roses of various hues in their raw form, thorns are the natural attachments unless we scratch them away. I have embraced all the shades and tones and learnt from each one of them. I had no choice.

During the prime of our life we keep gathering them, unaware of the thistles, which start piercing us as we mature.

I have a very vivid childhood memory of a thorn, which pricked me, broke and got embedded in my finger. I came running to my mom, crying and wondering whether she could lessen my pain. She pulled the thorn out mercilessly, without caring to be soft.

I wish this memory too could have been pulled out as harmlessly as that thorn!

But memories are etched permanently on the canvas of our mind.

Do you have such memories? Have they been your learning experiences? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.