Do You Believe In Arranged Marriages?

Whosoever invented arranged marriages didn’t have love or sex in mind, as both appear to be more attractive outside a marriage.

An arranged marriage is much more than that…it is a life time commitment through thick and thin, it is like wading into deep waters, knowing well that we may drown if we lose the focus, it is accepting the obligations of not only taking care of the progenies but also the parents of each other and their relatives.

The cultural encumbrances of such a marriage may frustrate you at times but nobody ever thinks of walking out over trivial issues.

All this and much more is revealed in Vishnu’s book.

This post has been inspired from my dearest friend Vishnu’s latest book – ‘Arranged Marriage.’619aWeEo9jL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_

Marriage may be an ‘over-rated institution’ but all enter into it to taste the bittersweet fruit that it offers.

Why not plan it – asks Vishnu!

Why not give the responsibility of arranging it into the hands of experienced gurus, grandmothers and aunts, who only think of your welfare and happiness.

Vishnu delves deep into the seriousness of marriage as a sacred bond, which can last forever if we tread carefully.

He is immensely focused in this book and presents a superb case for arranged marriages, without actually forcing them down your throat.

He discusses the pros and cons of such a marriage, which is more a union of two families than two persons.

If you wonder how others can prove to be more successful in choosing the right partner for you, then this book is surely for you!

If you have dismissed arranged marriages as obsolete, retrogressive and stifling, then you must read a fresh modern perspective it presents.

You must read it even if you have migrated oversees but would like to pass on your culture and your traditions to your next generation.

This book can be very interesting and informative for those who don’t have any idea about Indian weddings, which are planned most meticulously.

Though I know an arranged marriage very well, having gone through this roller coaster ride most successfully, I still enjoyed reading this book as it incorporates subtle humor to bring out certain solemn details. Despite that, the author does not make fun of any of the age-old traditions, which dissuade many a young couple to go in for an arranged marriage.

This book also took me down the memory lane…

I am reminded of a story, which was a part of high school supplementary reader, and after reading it each year, we had to discuss the basis of marriage.

The youngsters, at the brink of discovering what is love, enjoyed this discussion the most and would come out with the most incredible arguments. Most of them would justify marrying for love and looks. They wanted a free choice, didn’t want to involve a third person and live for love!

Culture and tradition was thrown to the winds at that stage of life and I would always conclude… ‘it is good law doesn’t permit teenage marriage.’

Once the youngsters grow up into mature individuals, they laugh away their adolescent dreams and beliefs and marry, quite willingly according to their parents’ wishes.

Marriage quote

There is no magic wand for a successful marriage. It all depends on your own commitment, forbearance and patience.

Arranged marriage ensures the cultivation of all these virtues to come up to the expectations of family, society and cultural norms.

Fawn Weaver must be having an arranged marriage in mind when he said, “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” There cannot be a better analogy than this for an arranged marriage, which matures with time, goes through various stages, sheds its worn out leaves and thrives on hope that fall brings.

I hope you have enjoyed the analysis of this book. There could be another perspective. I would be eager to hear that.

You can grab a free copy at Amazon.com

To pick up Vishnu’s book, Arranged Marriage: Run to the Altar or Run for Your Life, click here. It’s available free on July 20th and July 21st, 2015.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

 

The Reality of Happy Marriages!

Oscar-Wilde-Marriage-Quotes-Images-300x199

When you enter into a solemn relationship, which has been named ‘marriage’, you have big dreams of sharing exhilarating moments of togetherness, of remaining happy and blessed.

Nobody ever thinks that this relationship would not last, human hope is so astounding that even after seeing unhappy marriages, we tell ourselves: ‘this can’t happen to me.’

Alas those promises we make, those visions we have, those reveries of heavenly life fall apart in no time… or so people think!

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” — Simone Signoret

Are there any happy marriages? What is the definition of a happy marriage?

There can be as many definitions as people because what may seem unhappy to you could be just a compulsion, a family commitment, a sacrifice, which would be a part of being married.

Fawn Weaver’s words, “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day” are so entrancing!

#CASE – 1

This is an arranged marriage. The bride steps into the two-bedroom apartment of her husband, whose parents and an old, ailing grandmother share this home, which seems be a harmonious dwelling.

Slowly the bride realizes that her happiness lies in submitting to the wishes and desires of all the members of the family as her husband also thinks so.

She gets used to fulfilling all the demands and peace prevails though she has many issues.

Since she is a home maker, she has to dance to the tunes of elderly members of the house all the time, depend on her husband for all her needs, she gets no money for her personal expenses, she has no leisure, she can’t go out alone, has to coax her husband for a vacation, once a year because children need to be taken out. [Peer-group pressure] She has never mentioned the word – ‘divorce.’

Do you think they are happily married? They think so.

#CASE – 2

This is a love marriage, which seems to be like that fairy tale ‘the happily married ever after.’

This couple lives in a big mansion.

Both are financially independent, inseparable and so loving that people envy their blessings.

They enjoy exotic holidays and find great pleasure in each other’s company but they fight almost everyday. Any argument by the wife is met with physical abuse, which is condoned by her each time!

She seems to be slightly better than a slave because she can only go out with her husband, she has to accept all his decisions, domestic violence and be happy.

How she can put up the façade is an enigma. She cannot think of the word – ‘divorce.’

Do you think they are happily married? They think so!

#CASE – 3

This is an arranged marriage and the couple lives in their own apartment with their lovely, intelligent children.

Their world revolves around them, they have all the freedom in the world to take their own decisions, they care for each other and love is the core word that binds them together.

There are some issues with this couple too!

Their busy life has taken the charm out of their own love, they hardly have any sex life, their communication centers around the activities and achievements of their children and they have been drifting apart slowly.

Sometimes they wonder whether there is anything left in their life.

Should they stay together? They feel it is their responsibility to give the best of everything to their children.

They do think about divorce.

Do you think they are happily married? They have their doubts!Happy Marriage

Sometimes I think about these multi-dimensional words – happiness and unhappiness!

We use them so often, so casually but rarely do we ponder about their dimensions!

Let’s face the reality:

Unhappy marriages are more a product of the mind and modern philosophy of being independent.

It is this individualistic approach towards marriage, which makes it unhappy.

It depicts the self-centeredness of human beings who want to be themselves yet seek a companion for reasons best known to them.

The institution of marriage was created to cement love, affection, responsibilities and values, which could be handed down to the coming generations too.

“In every marriage, more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and to continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson

All relationships go through initial period of uncertainty and need some time to work out well. No marriage can ever be perfect. Compromises and adjustments are an essential part of every relationship.

Some questions to contemplate:

How ego, bitterness and annoyance creep into a sacred relationship of marriage is quite uncanny.

How it can be sacrificed at the altar of Individual differences, coldness and monotony is so bizarre!

How can we think of divorcing a person with whom we have spent half of our life? Isn’t it so selfish?

This post was inspired by this thought, which has been plaguing me ever since I heard that one of my neighbors father is going to divorce her mother, a lady in her sixties and she needs a therapist to cope up with this windfall.

I know this is not the first case. I know divorce rate is rising in free, financially stable countries. I know people are developing the resilience to face such situations.

Isn’t it unfortunate that we have diminished the sacred bond that ties families? What can we expect from the youngsters who grow up in such societies? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Image credits: inspirequotes.net