4 Invaluable Gifts That A Mother Can Give

Happy Mother's Day

Mother – the first caretaker, the first emotional anchor, the first teacher and the only real Angel in the life of a child. She has to live up to all these expectations.

As a baby opens his eyes, it is the mother’s face that fascinates him, it is the mother’s heartbeat he can hear, it is the mother’s tender touch that she can recognize, the same touch that gives a feeling of security, a unique bonding that is created in the womb and always remains special.

With her unconditional love, intuitive understanding and selfless sacrifices, she makes an indelible impression on the minds of her children. She is the sustaining force of a home and fills it with color and candor.

Guided by God Himself, she possesses divine instincts and therefore a mother’s influence is eternal and infinite…more effective than that of a father.

“It is mother’s influence during the crucial formative years that forms a child’s basic character. Home is the place where a child learns faith, feels love, and thereby learns from mother’s loving example to choose righteousness. How vital are mother’s influence and teaching in the home—and how apparent when neglected!”― Ezra Taft Benson

Besides love and understanding, a mother can give some priceless gifts:Motherhood quote

Quality time: Can there be a better gift than spending time with our children? Time is the most significant factor and it fleets faster than our wishes. Mothers who spend quality time with their toddlers by giving them undivided attention could make a lasting impression on their minds. Reading books, painting, flying paper planes, floating paper boats and playing imaginative games with the kids makes everlasting memories.

As they grow older and their interests’ change, you have to adapt according to their choices but remember to do things together, whether it is cooking, baking or folding laundry or learning to play guitar, children love to get involved in all activities.

Positivity: A positive attitude is reflected in our behavior and way of living. When a mother knows how to be positive, she passes on that approach to her children effortlessly. Even little hurts of friends who don’t care can be interpreted in a positive manner by telling the kids that it is okay to forget, that the hurt was unintentional.

Respect: When children grow up with respect around them, they learn this value quite early. Observation is the most effective teacher and children learn from what they see. Make sure that you respect the desires and demands of your children. Empty promises or manipulations convey a wrong message. A mother who respects the father of her children and talks about his positive qualities even if he is not around, inculcates that respect lies at the basis of all relationships.

Independence: As mothers, the best gift which you can give to your children is to let them think freely and take their own decisions after they cross the most impressionable age. Mothers who tie their adult sons and daughters to the strings of their apron often create unnecessary problems for them. If you let them fly freely, they soar higher than your expectations.

No mother wants to be remembered as a bad mother. Human imperfections keep raising their ugly head to give a bad name to the unconditional love, which all mothers have in their heart.

What kind of a mother are you? Do you agree that a mother’s role is more crucial in raising a responsible individual? Please share your reflections.
Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.
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Balroop Singh.

Why I Salute My Mother Silently Each Mother’s Day…

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My mother is a very simple, naïve and kind-hearted person. She has been forgiving everyone, without claiming to be angelic, without giving any credit to herself and her goodness.

As a child I couldn’t understand her, didn’t like the way she responded to my needs and desires. I didn’t like the way she let things be. I detested her lack of action against the atrocities she could tolerate.

She passed on mute messages. I am glad I could gather them.

Alas! I couldn’t appreciate her sterling qualities. My dominating and aggressive father had overshadowed her real characteristics and never let her grow into the kind of woman she could have been.

She became whatever circumstances demanded her to be. She adjusted to all kinds of situations, without any resentment. Probably she didn’t have a choice. She was conditioned to accept the unwritten norms of the society she lived in.

Her empty insensitive words could not affect me but her suffering and struggle did.

What she taught me, without telling me was more effective:

Love is not a trophy to exhibit:

I had a strange relationship with my mother till a particular age. I always thought she doesn’t love me as my focus was always on her unsavory comments she passed on my rebellious nature and me. Never did she say the word ‘love.’ Probably she herself had never been loved. Orphaned and married at 13, she had no exposure to finer emotions, which are picked up from a loving family.

The word ‘love’ always remained subdued in my life too as it had never been nurtured. I came to know it as a silent emotion, which could be felt deep down in our hearts…it was unconditional; it was listening and complying with all the diktats of the family and the society.

Self-love was taboo. It was being selfish.

Strength is the quality of the mind:

The impressionable years of my adolescence were molded in the cauldron of hostile circumstances when my mom struggled all alone to raise three children. Widowed at a very young age, she didn’t let the society pressurize her into giving in to depend on the hungry wolves, waiting to devour her and her husband’s property, her sole source of meager income.

Her resilience was worth emulating, her sacrifices sacrosanct and her courage inimitable. She became an incarnation of inspiration for me. Her strength left an indelible mark on my personality albeit I realized it much later in life.

Detachment is a way of life:

She has never been clingy and gave away all she had, without worrying about her own future welfare. She could detach most naturally though she is visibly shaken inside. She could never find enough words to express herself well but she made us capable of reading those repressed emotions. My gratitude goes to her for giving us the wings, for freedom of thought and expression, for never forcing anything down our throats.

Acceptance is not a sign of weakness:

It strengthens us mentally and emotionally; it acquaints us with our weaknesses, our failures and follies and renews our energy to deal with our emotions effectively.

Now I know why my mom accepted all that came her way.

Now I can see the value of each tear she shed alone and how it endowed her with greater toughness.

Now I can figure out why her words were so acerbic as they depicted her own pain, which I could not see at that phase of life.

I salute you dear mother, for making me what I am today.

I owe an apology to you for misunderstanding you; for underestimating your anguish and angst. I know it was your love for us, which made you toil day and night to give us an economically secure and brilliant future.

I wish you the best of opportunities and lot of love in your next life, if there is any.

I pray for your good health and happiness till your last journey, which I know has to be peaceful if God sees the truth.

Mother

Thank you for reading this. Please share your reflections about what you learnt from your mother.

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Balroop Singh.

 

My Mother

Mother's Day

She watched me grow with glowing face
Who walked with me, at my pace
Her tranquil touch taught tenderness
Whose sweet smile brought togetherness!

She always ran to cushion my fall
Who responded at my every call
She smooched away all my fears
Who whispered endearing words into my ears!

She shed tears of joy at my little feats
Whose heart with my achievement beats
She added veracity and color to my dreams
Whose lilac love in my eyes gleams!

She sat by my side silently at night
Who apprised me with my future bright
She could even understand my defiance
Whose pride glimmered in my triumph!

She gave me wings and watched in delight
Who never thought of her own flight
She loves me beyond measure, I know
She sacrificed for me all her glow

She lives in the smile of every flower
Whose sweet shade pervades this bower
I return to it, to feel her presence
To live her laughter, in the real sense

Her sweet smile still beckons me
Nostalgia often grips me to see…
A mother’s love is the true treasure
Only now do I understand in full measure.
© Balroop Singh.

Inspired from real life, this is one of my recent poems. You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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8 Ways To Control Emotional Blackmail When It Creeps Into Your Most Loving Relationship…

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‘You are so dear to me’, says a mother to her child.

‘You are the light and glory of our family.’

‘You will grow up to be my savior!’

‘I love you with all my heart.’ In fact one poet has glorified a son like this: ‘my moon, my sun, the star of my eyes… I feel alive when I look at you.’

There is no doubt all mothers have those sublime thoughts and attachment with their children sons.

All mothers feel elated when they look at the face of their child, the emotions which are associated with the birth of a son or the only child are slightly different from having a house full of children.

Only till they grow up! The words of endearment, which they had heard in their childhood inflate their ego. They feel all important, they want all their wishes fulfilled, their expectations are extremely high and their tantrums uncontrollable.

More so if the mother happens to be a single parent:

Here is one such son. He thinks the world revolves around him. He thinks he can control everything…the desires, the dreams and aspirations of even his siblings. He wants all the members of the family to dance to his tunes. He should be esteemed; he should be appreciated, he should have all the money to spend wherever he wants. He has no concern about the worries and meager financial resources at the disposal of his mother. The loneliness of his mother doesn’t even occur to him.

He knows the weaknesses of his mother. He exploits her emotions to his benefit all the time. He manipulates, he plays with her emotions and throws a tantrum of ending his life if he is denied money.

The mother is too naïve to see through his tricks. She tries to find happiness in her son, who seems to be her only hope. Probably it is the influence of her culture. She dutifully obliges what he says. She suffers alone but knows her son loves her! She hopes that he will understand her feelings one day.

She doesn’t know it is ‘Emotional Blackmail.’ She can never associate this word with her own children.

While all relationships are mired in some kind of manipulation, playing with the emotions is the most common form of control.

Much has been written about the why and how of emotional blackmail and the above story illustrates it quite well.

I would like to focus on the ways to deal with this human frailty, which is often accepted as a part of life.

People get so much carried away by emotions that they let them prevail above their self-respect. They feel absolutely feeble.

Can emotional blackmailing be controlled?Emotional Blackmail

Yes! Get up and face it!

Only you can control it.

You possess the power to shake it off.

  1. Much depends on the upbringing of your children. It is important to shower all your love and provide them with the best of opportunities but there is always a limit. When you don’t set that limit, when you let them misbehave, when you give in to their wishes out of love, they get the message that such a behavior is acceptable. Instead of learning life skills to solve their problems, they develop a defense mechanism to pass on the blame.
  2. Never cross those boundaries, which you must lay down. If they were not laid down at the right time, it is never too late to do so. Talk to your child about them when both of you are calm and emphasize on the need to respect them.
  3. Never base your relationship, even with your children above your own dignity. This has to begin at the early stages of their development. If you have not paid any attention at the right time and have pampered them too much, now is the only time to be candid.
  4. Never give in to their unreasonable demands. Just refuse politely, lovingly and be firm. That new dress for each party, that hanging out with friends every single day, that new smart phone or flashy car can wait for the right time. Let them sulk; let them think why they have been ignored, let them learn to handle their emotions.
  5. Avoid arguing with teenagers, it does not serve any purpose. It may send a wrong message and make them rebellious. I know this is the time when we feel like pulling our hair, when none of our strategies seem to work, when we wait for self awakening, which is controlled more by the peer group.
  6. Learn to control your emotions and reactions. Emotional resilience can be cultivated by being ‘Mindful.’
  7. Learn to ignore their threats. You can never prevent what they decide to do. However serious issues may require professional help. A counselor or a psychologist might help to sort out the turbulent relationships.
  8. Learn to detach yourself from them. Give them some space but never give in to their arbitrary demands.

Can you can change them – NO!

Can you change yourself and your attitude towards the capricious pleas and favors they seek – YES! That is the only way to handle such sons and daughters who become too self-centered and obsessed with their own aspirations.

It may seem incredible but their own objectives are more important than your love, attachment or emotions. Once they cross 14, they can go to any extent to get their own desires fulfilled.

Don’t blame yourself for failing to raise them according to your wishes. Peer group exerts the biggest influence at this stage. Once they find a partner, they change further and stop paying any attention to parents and their emotions. Prepare yourself for that stage and LET GO!

Have you been a victim of emotional blackmail by your own children? How did you handle it? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Image credit: rlv.zcache.com/emotional_blackmail

 

 

Mother

An apostle of care and compassion
Born to nurture with patience and passion
She fills the world with color and candor
She rocks the cradle and rules the hearts.

A combination of dew and dove
She spreads the fragrance of selfless love
Who never ceases to be affectionate
She is the sunshine of our days.

Her tender touch heals and charms
A true analyzer, with her composure she calms
An intuitive listener, she understands all
What people aspire, she attains with a smile.

The power she possesses is unseen
A Goddess of love, with observation keen
Who inculcates harmony and faith
She strengthens our family bonds.

Copyright:
BALROOP SINGH

 This poem is an excerpt from my book ‘Sublime Shadows Of Life’ (available at Amazon.com)

You can just click on http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EBLWR0A to read more.

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This picture, which I found online seems to be a perfect blend of love, care and happiness of a mother and a child. I am sharing it for another reason…the definition of mom, it presents, is one of the BEST, not to miss the lovely smiles that tugged at my heart! HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY!

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