Is Affection An Offshoot Of Love?


Affection comes naturally but it has to be nurtured in the impressionable years of growth. If it is rebuffed in the earlier stages of childhood, it recedes to the remotest corners of our heart, difficult to reignite.

People who grow up to be reticent and unemotional have probably been denied this affection. They have never been told that it is natural to hug and speak in clear words about their emotions. When emotions are snubbed, we learn to disregard them.

My earliest recollections about affection are connected with my grandma but she didn’t live in our house and she died when I was quite young. Out of all my aunts, I felt drawn towards only one, probably because she was kind, soft-spoken and listened calmly.

Besides this I didn’t know what is affection till I became a mother…why it doesn’t come naturally to all mothers is the biggest mystery!

Affection is different from love, which can be selfish and demanding though understanding love is more challenging than understanding affection!

Affection is a much profound emotion, which is inexplicable but can be fathomed through our pores. It percolates down our skin slowly. It exposes us to some finer emotions. It can mold us into caring and understanding persons.

Though the synonyms of affection are: fondness, liking, feeling, love, care, desire, passion, warmth, attachment, goodwill, devotion, kindness, inclination, tenderness, propensity, friendliness, amity

But…Affection is not passion; it is not love albeit love may later develop due to this sublime emotion.

Affection is not transient; it grows even when it is not reciprocated.

Affection is not a desire; it cannot be commanded. It is earned.

Affection is not ‘liking’; it doesn’t change with seasons.affection-quote

I had a colleague who was very affectionate. She could win many hearts with her way of approaching people and her words, even those, which carried an unsolicited advice could affect! I felt drawn toward her due to her kindness but I won’t say I loved her.

In the beginning; love is just a passing thought, a mirage that allures us.

Love grows if it is nurtured. It evolves itself but withers if it is not watered with affection, care, respect and kindness. Romantic love morphs into a loving and eternal relationship if we understand what is love.

We attach so many emotions and expectations to love that its real visage gets sidelined. It’s illusionary aspect carries us far into the world of unknown…obviously we wander and drift away!

While the perception of love changes with time and depends on culture and conditioning, affection is more reliable.

“Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our natural lives.” – C. S. Lewis

Affection can be nurtured:

  • Respond to your child’s demands with soft words
  • Make bedtime a memorable and loving moment
  • Read good stories with the right emotion and intonation
  • Hug your child lovingly and speak endearing words calmly
  • Be gentle and soft, as a child can understand the caresses more than a usual touch
  • Be positive and honest in your dealings
  • Avoid manipulations as a child can understand them quite well
  • Be sensitive to the thoughts and fears of your child
  • Never ever yell at or nag them for their imperfections
  • Be emotionally present and empathize with their frustrations
  • Always use positive words to encourage them.

The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and no night; all tragedies, all ennui s, vanish, all duties even. – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

How do you show affection? Does it affect love?

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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Balroop Singh.


Why Relationships Go Sour?



‘Relationship’ is a very wide term…it is not just a connection between two persons, which immediately comes to your mind when you hear this term.

The most precious relationship begins in the womb…a motherly binding that you experience the moment you feel the sensation of that small movement of your baby, the moment you hold that baby in your hands.

Relationships connect us not just by blood or marriage; they also refer to the emotional connection between people, family members, teachers and students, business partners and clients etc.

Relationships have to be nurtured slowly, their brittleness is felt only when we face the inevitable, when they are on the verge of falling apart. We can never put the clock back, however we wish to assuage the hurts… the scars keep reminding us of those unpleasant confrontations.

“There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.”—Mitch Albom

There are very few people who want to snap off the loving ties yet they go sour. WHY?

One has to introspect to understand all the reasons:

Words: Take care of the words you use. They act like arrows, words spoken in anger or frustration cause deep wounds, which never heal. It may not be always easy to control your bitterness but prudent are those who think before they speak.

Arrogance: Many loving relationships break up due to arrogance of establishing supremacy, whether it is your spouse or sibling. If you think you have the capability to control, you are seriously mistaken. Self-respect and freedom is dear to all.

Pretense: When we pretend to be loving and affectionate but our actions and words are not in harmony with what we pose to be, such relationships never grow. Do you think people are so dumb that they can’t see through your sham?

Respect: If you expect others to respect you, don’t forget they too expect the same. Hurting their self-esteem can boomerang. Lack of respect for each other is a slow slayer of relationships!

Expectations: If you expect your spouse to follow all that you want, if you are always expecting him/her to compromise, if you are not smart enough to strike a balance between your own priorities and those of the other person, the heartbreaks which such delicate moments cause can never be bridged.

Suspicion: It devours all the goodness and faith within seconds. A suspicious mind can misinterpret even the most angelic thoughts and deeds, thereby leaving no room for explanations. Like termites, suspicion can eat into the relationships slowly and surely.

Jealousy: This is an innate human trait. We always want to be the best, to be looked after better than the other, to look our best, to be admired and respected and stricken by all these wishes, we get so jealous that we fail to understand that the other person – your close relative, too could be yearning for the same. Jealousy can harm many sensitive relationships.

Selfishness: A selfish person can never be considerate; compassion for him is a waste of time and energy. Can you expect goodness from others if you have been using them for your own profits? People soon figure out your personality and may cease to interact with you.

Forgiveness: when you are not ready to forgive, when you consider the other person to be inferior, when you fail to realize that the other person also has a dignity, your relationship meets a natural death.

RelationshipWe all possess human frailties, which are either inherent or picked up from the environment. Nobody is born perfect…we learn from each other. All we need is the will to improve our relationships.

Blaming our past or our parents, who could not give us the best of this world will not make us better human beings. Our own efforts would.

“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.” –Marvin J. Ashton

How to save a sinking relationship:

  • Communicate your feelings.
  • Learn to be a good listener.
  • Beware of toxic people around you.
  • Develop the EQ to understand human emotions.
  • Try self-analysis.
  • Acknowledge your mistakes.
  • Make amends.

Have you tried to understand the brittleness of relationships? Do you take the responsibility to introspect? I would love to hear your views.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please share your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.