Is Diplomacy in Relationships Good?

Diplomacy in relationships

Relationships thrive on sensitivity, trust and honesty. They have to be nurtured and understood. Diplomacy rests on the plank of ‘think, evaluate and speak.’ It encourages you to hold your true opinion, which could be helpful at work places, not within the families.

If you have to choose your words before communicating, if you can’t speak out your mind clearly, if you think your words may hurt, if you have to pretend that you agree with the other person, such a relationship can never develop beyond the surface. It can never become endearing. It may establish some business links and even facilitate an agreement between co-workers but it doesn’t build a rapport with friends, siblings or cousins.

A true friend can look in your eyes and read your thoughts. A sibling would be able to cross the bridge of camouflage that you may have learnt to erect with time and age. Your spouse too would get the whiff of walled emotions.

Sooner or later, your diplomatic answers start showing and give a mute message, which can be decoded by your spouse or an intuitive friend. They would either confront you or would start withholding their view and that is how unknown wedges are created in relationships.

There is a very thin line between diplomacy and hypocrisy.

If you want your relationships to be warm and reliable in this world, which is drifting away despite instant connections, you must keep diplomacy out of your homes.

Are you a diplomat? A checklist:

  • You don’t comment on sensitive topics
  • You avoid confrontationfantasy-3364026_960_720
  • You lie to defuse conflict
  • You just nod even when you want to disagree
  • You agree to follow up but never do
  • You promise just to please others
  • You never show your true self

There is no doubt that diplomacy within extended families promotes healthy relationships and a channel of reverence flows, comforting each one with the thought that they are loved. This delusion falls apart in the face of crisis. A teenager who rebels, a parent who refuses to accept change and an elderly member who stands in judgment are some of the situations that could push diplomatic behavior to its extreme ends. The façade could stand exposed!

Happy families are candid. They don’t wear masks and don’t detest unsavory remarks of each other. They learn to accept their imperfections and welcome criticism. They are eager to learn from their errors. They discuss all kinds of topics with an open mind. They give space to each member and respect freedom of thought and expression.

If you are outspoken and impulsive, you could land yourself in difficult situations but that is what we call a learning curve. Only an open family environment could prepare you for the challenges of life. Diplomacy has no place in nuclear families.

Tact and truth can blend well if we learn to handle sensitive situations with patience.

What is essential is:Reaching out

  • Time for each other
  • Undivided attention
  • Freedom of expression
  • Constructive criticism
  • Patience and perseverance

Do you like diplomacy? How did you learn it?

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please share your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

© Balroop Singh.

#BookReview: Allow Yourself to Be a Better Person by Balroop Singh

When I chose the cover for this book, I was inspired by the symbolism of this image that seems to define life…one step at a time. Personality development is like that.
When I chose the title for this book, I was convinced that becoming a better person is the choice we make, a promise that could lead us to the path of enlightenment.
I am delighted that James J. Cudney, an accomplished author found my self-help book worthy of his review. Many thanks Jay, for reading and reviewing Allow Yourself to be a Better Person.

His review is also posted at Amazon and Goodreads.

This Is My Truth Now

Today I am sharing a review on a fellow blogger’s book. If you are interested in Balroop Singh’s advice, personal experiences, poetry, and other wonderful content, please check out her blog @ https://balroop2013.wordpress.com/


Allow Yourself To Be A Better PersonAllow Yourself To Be A Better Person by Balroop Singh

As a follower of a blog written by Balroop Singh, I decided to purchase one of her non-fiction books this month: Allow Yourself To Be A Better Person. In this self-help and advice collection, Singh provides readers with ~100 pages of her thoughts and research on how to live a better life. By sharing personal stories of her own life and those of people she’s met, Singh offers ways for readers to consider changing behaviors so that they are happier and stronger individuals.

Every once in a while, it’s good to pick up a book like this; much of the content are things we know or have…

View original post 156 more words

In Love with Myself…

spec-fiction-may
Pixabay image by Brigitte Werner

I had dreams and desires
Aspirations to excel
To acquire Midas’ touch
To accomplish the abstract

I pushed my way through
Deep valleys to rumbling clouds
Undeterred by lightning
Fervidly seeking success

But I soared too high
Forgetting Icarus
I opted to be a superman
I have no regrets though.

Emotionless I dwell alone
Proud of my intellect
Dexterous and adept trailblazer
I breathe action

Spring no longer sings for me
Love seems meaningless
Compassion – a remote possibility
Wisdom – my forte!

I can detect hypocrisy
All lies stand exposed before me
I can vanquish fear and faith
I am generation NEXT.
© Balroop Singh, May 2019

Inspired from D. Wallace Peach’s “Monthly Speculative Fiction Writing Prompt.” Please hop over to her blog to read more and get inspired.

Thank you Diana, for a thought-provoking  #WritingPrompt.

You can click here for more poetry.

If you have liked this poem, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please share your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

How to Disengage from Gossip

Sunset Sky with dark orange hues

Gossip ushers in a lot of fun into conversations. All that frivolous talk about who wore what and why it didn’t suit him/her, the way she carries herself and what an odd couple they make, the way she laughs and how much he drinks…people have written novels, which center around gossip!

Light-hearted gossip may be harmless to some extent but it could be hurtful too. It has alienated many friends and created grave misunderstandings within families.

Why do people gossip:

  • They could be jealous of your talent
  • They want your attention
  • They want to ruin your relationships
  • They want to damage your reputation
  • They want to grab your position
  • They could be playing into the hands of others
  • Their own insecurities speak through gossip

It is very easy to say: “stop gossiping” but quite difficult to do so, as the pressure of peer group is so compelling that you don’t want to displease them, you don’t want to look “philosophical,” and later become their victim. You can’t distance yourself from gossipmongers, as this is an age-old practice. Even bosses like to listen to such persons.

So how to tackle them?

Just smile: It is better to refrain from adding any ammunition to the topic and just smile to convey an indirect message that you don’t want to be the part of a gossip group. A smile is worth a million words in some situations. Don’t even nod to unpleasant talk and don’t carry it forward.

Give a benefit of doubt: I have learnt this from Mr. serene, my dearest husband who chooses better words even for the person who has wronged him or taken him for a ride. He believes in the dictum: “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” The compulsions of a gossipmonger could be greater than his goodness.

Believe in yourself: Don’t get influenced by negative talk when you can’t avoid it. Tell yourself that there are various kinds of people and we have to tolerate them if they happen to be colleagues. I have never changed my seat just because of a toxic gossipmonger around me. My positive vibes often reach them.

Don’t get upset: Now this could be quite challenging if the gossip is about you. There are two ways of handling this situation. One is better to ignore. Two – confront the person calmly. He may deny, she may throw the blame at you but they would get the message that you know their mentality. You wont even have to clarify your position, as people would get another topic of gossip – your boldness! People have gossiped about my boldness too.

Be transparent: Honesty and truthfulness may have lost its significance in today’s world but those who uphold these values are revered. Hypocrisy can be discerned even from a distance. It is better to be transparent in your interactions especially at your workplace. If you are a boss, clarity of thought and action should be discussed candidly. Saying something but meaning the opposite could make you a butt of ridicule.

I am sure we have tried all these ways of disengaging from gossip but it continues to flourish. Reason – most of the people take pleasure in listening to juicy stories and adding their own reflections. Some people use gossip to gain popularity. Some pour it in their stories. I have read more than one book in which author has filled many pages just with chatter, without focusing on the story.

I came across gossip in school, which is a common place for friends who try to snatch each other through backbiting. It did hurt but my introvert nature didn’t help at that time. Slowly I learnt to disengage from gossipmongers and allowed myself to be a better person.

What is your favorite gossip? Do you engage in gossip? What memories do you have about gossip?

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

How Individualism Affects Your Personality

An individual facing the universe

Individualism is“a social theory advocating the liberty, rights, or independent action of the individual.”

Individualism gives prominence to self-development; personal achievements and independence of a person. When children grow up with the concept that they are enough, they have the potential to accomplish their goals and they have the freedom to take their own decisions, they value personal rights and their own space more than family values. A collective decision is considered oppressive.

On the surface individualism seems to be perfect as it offers absolute freedom and infinite possibilities of following your own aspirations but dig deeper and ask those who get mired in internal strife. Ask those who blame themselves for their failure. Ask those who are drowning in the sea of anguish and yearn for help. Ask those who have to take anti-depressants to cope with the pressures of life.

While individualism adds confidence, self-discipline and self-control to our personality, many essential characteristics are disregarded.

Individualism makes us self-centered:

When you are encouraged to discover your potential or follow your passion, you develop the habit of thinking only for yourself. It is always your endeavor, your success and your happiness. Self becomes larger than siblings, friends and parents and when it is time to contribute significantly to your society, it seems a burden. Such individuals drift away from most of the family relationships and seem selfish.

Self-doubts grow bigger:

Who doesn’t have to deal with self-doubts? It is difficult to handle frustrations alone. Setbacks seem like monsters, failures have to be owned and faced alone, and loneliness grows into depression. When stressful situations are not shared, their dimensions keep absorbing your confidence. Therapists step in to reinforce the fact “you are enough” but self-doubts refuse to dispel. On the other hand, Asian cultures promote sharing personal problems with family and friends and they serve the purpose of re-igniting wavering self-belief.

Individualism creates disconnect:

Personal attitudes eat into the core values of respect, patience and generosity. Self gets so exalted that love for others seems to be a chore. You may learn tactful behavior but relationships rest on the plank of façade. Senior members of your family cease to exist for you and visiting them or looking after them is not your responsibility. Those who nurtured you with the best of their abilities seem superfluous and are expected to fend for themselves.

Individualism breeds insensitivity:

Individualism gives top priority to your own interests, you become insensitive to the needs and desires of your spouse and children. You expect them to follow you in all your decisions, as your perceptions fail to see beyond your own expectations. Aggressive behavior, violence, emotional instability, incoherence in families, lack of interest in community activities and mental health issues are directly related to individualistic culture.

Individualism, a product of the western world, has silently crept into those societies that believe in collectivism. They have always taken pride in raising balanced individuals because of close knitted ties that are nurtured, and values of respect, altruism and cooperation are imbibed naturally, while growing up.

As individualism flourished in the west, touching its highest forms of selfishness, collectivism evolved and absorbed some elements of individualistic culture, granting freedom of thought and expression, taking one’s own decisions but following family values too. Such individuals have the best of both the cultures. A healthy combination of both could prove beneficial for your personality.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

Allow yourself To Be A Better Person