#BookReview: Allow Yourself to Be a Better Person by Balroop Singh

When I chose the cover for this book, I was inspired by the symbolism of this image that seems to define life…one step at a time. Personality development is like that.
When I chose the title for this book, I was convinced that becoming a better person is the choice we make, a promise that could lead us to the path of enlightenment.
I am delighted that James J. Cudney, an accomplished author found my self-help book worthy of his review. Many thanks Jay, for reading and reviewing Allow Yourself to be a Better Person.

His review is also posted at Amazon and Goodreads.

This Is My Truth Now

Today I am sharing a review on a fellow blogger’s book. If you are interested in Balroop Singh’s advice, personal experiences, poetry, and other wonderful content, please check out her blog @ https://balroop2013.wordpress.com/


Allow Yourself To Be A Better PersonAllow Yourself To Be A Better Person by Balroop Singh

As a follower of a blog written by Balroop Singh, I decided to purchase one of her non-fiction books this month: Allow Yourself To Be A Better Person. In this self-help and advice collection, Singh provides readers with ~100 pages of her thoughts and research on how to live a better life. By sharing personal stories of her own life and those of people she’s met, Singh offers ways for readers to consider changing behaviors so that they are happier and stronger individuals.

Every once in a while, it’s good to pick up a book like this; much of the content are things we know or have…

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Expectations and Attachments Define Life

 

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Recently I came across this statement, “The best way to get what you want is not want it.” The cynicism embedded in the above statement kept me awake for many hours. I had to pen down my thoughts to calm them. How can you call self-denial the “best way”? How can you quell your desires?

Expectation is a natural human instinct – a child expects attention, love and care. If he doesn’t get the basic care, his expectations don’t end there. He seeks them elsewhere.

Those children who grow up in misery and penury don’t get immune to expectations. Their eyes are always at the sky, anticipating all that they yearn for!

Our expectations flow like a stream that keeps widening as it touches the plains. The seeds of expectation are nurtured at a very early stage of life by our parents, teachers and friends.

This so called positive assertion of “giving up what you want” may have some spiritual connotation attached to it but tell that to a child or an adolescent and you would get the real looks! They may call you cynical; scoff at your advice and consider you too old to even interact with. Buddhist philosophy appeals only to the elderly.

Wants and desires are innate. They make us human. They are those streamers that inspire us to hang out despite the windy weather. They push us toward our goals, ignite a fire of excellence and lure us toward accomplishing more. Some of them lie dormant, waiting for the right opportunity.

Life would become meaningless and hollow without desires. True, they keep on multiplying; they may even disappoint us but without them all fun flies out of our lives. Expectations and attachments define life for us.attachments

Why attachments are essential: Initial attachments introduce us to people, they underline love for us and acquaint us with the basic values of bonding, care and respect. As children grow out of those attachments, ready to face the world, they feel connected with friends; they learn the value of love and nurture relationships to live a meaningful life.

What would life be without any attachments? All human emotions germinate from attachments, which may bind us emotionally but they keep us grounded to ennoble us. Only when we feel attached do we learn compassion. Solitude seems good only after having experienced all that human beings can offer to each other. Detachment is a mere word that has failed miserably despite its valuable aspects. When we try to detach, we have to snub what our heart says. Who would like to do that?

Needs have a profound connection with attachments. Why do you need a smart phone? Our grandparents could do without it yet somebody thought of better connections. Needs, however absurd they may seem, lead us to progress, to a better society and fulfilling life.

Desires keep us motivated; they encourage us to strive, to keep going despite all the odds. They shape us into better human beings. They add fresh dimensions to mundane aspects of life.

Giving up expectations and attachments is like giving up your hold on life. I am sure all of you would agree. Please share your reflections.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

Do You Admire People Pleasers?

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Could you walk an extra mile with me? They agree.
Could you carry this bag for me? They do.
Could you supervise my lunch today? They get the real message of putting an extra effort.
Could you help me and give a daily report of your colleagues? They feel honored.

Bosses exult at their loyalty and sincerity.
Friends mock at their “loving nature.”
Siblings bully them into believing that they are loved.
Spouses manipulate them to get things done.
The acquiescence and complacence of people pleasers baffles me.

Who are they?

People pleasers are gentle, kind and loving persons. They can never confront an unpleasant situation and try to diffuse it with their goodness. Their intentions may be noble but they boomerang. People start taking them for granted. They lose their identity and get tossed by the tides of time and life.

They don’t want to rock their boat but choose to sail in it; oblivious of the fact that it can capsize any moment with the emotional baggage they carry within themselves. True love eludes them.

Some of them are highly ambitious and focused. They know how to gatecrash to the right position just through pleasing tactics. I marvel at their pleasing skills!

Why do they please?

Do they please to get loved? Yes, they believe love can conquer all till they face the ugly truth of fake love.
Do they please to get a position? Yes, and many succeed even at the cost of getting enslaved.
Do they respect themselves? I have my doubts but their perspective could be different. I have seen them justify their actions.
Do they ever introspect? If they do, I wonder how do they justify crushing their spirit for the sake of others?

In professional relationships, people pleasing may be rewarding even at the cost of self-ignominy, stress and overwork but at a personal level, people pleasers do reach at the brink of breakdown.

Do you think they live for others? I don’t think so.
Some live in the make-believe world of self-admiration, thinking they are exceptional human beings, born to be altruistic. Others have some goals in mind, which they want to accomplish even if they have to kiss the shoestrings of their boss.
Often they fail to detect abusers and manipulators around them and slowly start accepting emotional abuse as a part of life.

Can they be trusted?

People pleasers are extremely selfish and can never be good friends. They are opportunists and would grab every chance that can be twisted for their own benefit. Relationships are secondary for them and their true self is unknown even to them. I have seen them changing their colors according to the situation. They know how to save their skin and win some brownie points too!

Have you met any people pleasers? I am waiting to hear your perspective.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.