Do You Struggle With Self-esteem? 5 Ways To Bounce Back

People around me could never hurt my self-esteem, not because I was never in such a situation but because I never let them! Even as a child when I was asked to apologize for no fault of mine, to please somebody’s ego, I refused. I knew I would be punished but I didn’t care!

My mirror has never told me that I am not the best or I can’t excel. I always knew I am much better than many.

Criticism of others affects me in a positive manner. I try to introspect and dismiss the judgment of others as their opinion. I try to work on my imperfections in such a manner that enhances my self-esteem.

What lowers self-esteem?

• Negative home environment
• Broken families
• Bullying
• Insensitive friends
• Shaming by a parent or a teacher
• Self-blaming
• Intimidating or controlling partner
• Demanding boss
• Dwelling on your weaknesses

Self-esteem is not given; it is earned; it is cultivated and it is snatched when others try to smash it.
“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” – Michael J. Fox

I have faced the worst of criticism and ridicule for being too thin and tall, for failing in Math, for writing beautifully and neatly but not completing a given test within the specified time, for keeping aloof and being arrogant. The list is very lengthy but the reality is that my self-esteem could never get shattered with the insensitivity around me because I knew those were hollow observations of jealous people. I always knew I am enough!

What can help?

Positivity: Read positive quotes, think positive thoughts, spend more time in the company of positive-minded people. Walk away from those who don’t respect your opinion. Try to understand that there is no age for personality enhancement and your growth and development is an ongoing process. Have faith in yourself and your capabilities. Don’t compare yourself to your friends or colleagues. Stop blaming yourself just because others try to shift their responsibilites.

Face your fears: If you let your fears hibernate, if you don’t discuss them even with yourself, they could shrink your heart, wound your spirit and keep consuming the remnants of your mettle to fight them. Let those alligators out of your mind. Discuss them with a confidant or a therapist. Learn to accept the fear of failure because only when we fail do we rise with renewed zeal and energy.

Forgive yourself: Forgiveness is that virtue, which sets us free and acquaints us with the finest emotions. It unshackles the chains of guilt that we weave around us. It soothes our mind. We can emerge out of those dark corridors of fears and insecurities that people around us pushed into. We can see ourselves in a new light. Self-forgiveness, even if we may be guilty of hurting others, is of utmost importance to build our self-esteem.

Quit self-criticism: Self-judgment is more detrimental than the nasty remarks of others. It makes us doubt our own intentions, it ruins our confidence, it pulls us back into the dumps of depression and lowers our self-esteem. Self-reflection is good as far as it encourages us to work on our weaknesses. It is better to train your mind to think positive, to remember that those who attack our self-esteem are actually dealing with their own insecurities.

Take pride in pursuing activities you love: Invest in yourself. Search within. Spend time with yourself and indulge in those activities that you enjoy. Stop pleasing people around you. Be proud of yourself and your little accomplishments. Self-love is not being selfish, it is being kind to yourself. Don’t allow anybody to disrespect what you like to do. Count your strengths and your blessings. Be yourself. The best freedom is being you.

Always remember – ‘the more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.’

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” – Brigham Young
Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

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How to Heal Emotional Hurts?

No sane soul hurts deliberately. Yet hurts happen. Today I want to discuss  emotional hurts, which remain deep-rooted, which keep gnawing at our hearts, as we don’t want to share them for fear of ridicule or exposing our relationships, which may appear to be loving and smooth.

Why do people hurt?

•  Insensitivity towards others
• Lack of emotional quotient
• Lack of communication skills
• Jealousy
• Arrogance
• Vindictive attitude
• Own selfish motives.

Selfish people never think of others. Even if they do, their own pursuits are so overwhelming for them that they are able to justify themselves. They buy peace with self- arguments and get rid of the guilt of hurting their own near and dear ones.

Sometimes vile and toxic people around them encourage them in their goals, by glorifying their efforts to guide them. Such people snatch them away from their most loving friends and relatives.

Sometimes we hurt others unknowingly. We use such words, which pierce the hearts, without realizing their impact.

Have you ever felt the depth of hurt? It is much deeper than we think it to be.

Emotional hurts leave longer shadows behind them. Unlike physical hurts, they are invisible but the marks they make on our psyche are indelible. While some hurts may be subtle, some stare starkly at us and become a burden.

Time is said to be a great healer but it doesn’t really heal. It just fades the memories of hurts. They keep returning in your solemn moments, in your dreams and when ever you think of that person.

 SELF- HEALING

We keep burying emotional hurts into the deepest crevices of our hearts and only address them when they become unbearable. At this point we think of going to a therapist who directs us back to our own efforts!

So self-healing is the only answer and that too requires a huge effort:

• Keep the thoughts of hurts away by engaging in meaningful tasks.
• If you must think, try to analyze why you were hurt and who is responsible.
• There is no harm in admitting if you are the cause. It will help in keeping your mind clear of all the clutter.
• Accept the fact that the person who has hurt you is no longer attached to you; he or she doesn’t care about your feelings.
• It is better to detach yourself.
• Be Positive. Respect yourself.
• Forgive and forget. Forgiveness is the first step to self-healing.

It is very painful to detach, I know. That is why probably, time is given the greatest credit but in reality, only self-efforts have the healing power.

Try the following tips:

 Talk to yourself: Self- talking is a very powerful tool in our hands. Let the talk go on and on, don’t try to give it a direction. Let the positive and negative thoughts flow on. When they exhaust themselves, then sift through your thoughts and pick up the positive ones to convince yourself that it is not your fault.

It is just a phase: Accept that you are just going through a bad phase. Everybody has to. You don’t have any control over the circumstances but you can control the damage, which the present situation might do to your mental and emotional health.

Keep yourself busy: If you have work, bury yourself in that. It will keep you away from the depressive thoughts for a while. In case you don’t have a regular routine to keep yourself busy, read a good book, visit a friend, go and meet somebody whose company gives you relief and comfort.

Share your thoughts: Don’t conceal emotional wounds. When you speak out your mind, half of the burden wears off. You can discuss your anxieties and fears with a person you trust, a friend or your mother or sister, whosoever you are comfortable with. It gives immense relief and you will feel lighter.

Cry your heart out: As you share your feelings, let the tears flow. They bring about catharsis and have an amazing healing power. The pain of your heart will melt away for the time being. Let all the thoughts of regret, guilt and forgiveness visit you again and again and let them flow away.

Pour your heart out: Write down all your thoughts, the remorse and the censure and your answers to all the questions that are troubling you. It will give you a strange self- satisfaction and self-healing.

Listen to good music: Good music is a great healing balm; it takes us out of our situation and provides a soothing touch to our heart and soul. “For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.” – Reba McEntire

Have faith in yourself. Self- therapy requires great determination to push aside your anguish and have immense faith in your efforts.

Can hurts ever be forgotten?

We try to deny them in our mind. We tell ourselves that they don’t matter to us but emotional wounds get deeper if we don’t acknowledge them.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

 

 

Poetry Too Speaks

Don’t take me for granted
I am strength personified
Learn to respect me
I think for myself.

 

Click to download

How To Pick Up Positive Vibes

Have you ever experienced blissful joy in the lap of nature? Does your heart flutter with the butterfly or the hummingbird? Do you feel exhilarated at the first showers of rain? Does your heart leap at the sight of full moon?

If yes, then you certainly possess the EQ (emotional quotient) to catch positive vibes, which float all around us. Our emotions get a boost when positive energy touches us.

Positive vibes can be picked up from the environment, people around us and even the animals but we need emotional quotient to grasp those vibes and absorb them.

Nature generates positive vibes in the form of colorful hues all around us…the flowers, the butterflies, the trees laden with fruit in the fading light of the sun, the colors of setting sun emit those vibes…all we need is a warm heart to welcome them and let them radiate around us.

Have you ever felt that you like some people just by intuition; just their coming into your life adds some cheer to it? You are happier in their company, you like to hang out with them and you wonder why do you like them, without actually knowing them.

They make you smile; they add sunshine and laughter to your life. These are the people who emit positive vibes, which you can pick up if you have them in you.

You can also train your mind to recognize those vibes:

• Look at the smile. If it is genuine, it will pass on positive vibes and soothe your heart. You may even feel connected.
• Make an eye contact with the person who smiles. Eyes speak volumes; they emit vibes – positive or negative will be defined by your perception, your emotional quotient.
• Notice the tone of the voice, it carries a vibe too.
• Listen to the words…and pay attention. You have to be alert enough to pick up the vibes.
• Notice the body language of the other person. Positivity exudes itself through body posture, movement of hands or shoulders.

Positive vibes can reach you faster as they are more powerful than the negative ones.

Then there are those people, whom you dislike just with your first look, you loath their company, they seem to be a burden and you long to banish them out of your life. These are the people who give out negative energy and if you detest it, you would be uncomfortable in their presence.

How to send positive vibes:

• • Develop a positive mindset.
  • Smile with an open mind to send positive vibes.
  • Create an aura of happiness around yourself.
  • Be determined and optimistic.
  • Be generous in appreciating others.
  • Approach all the problems with a positive attitude.
  • Deal boldly with negative situations.

“A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.” – Wade Boggs

Positive opportunities come to you if you have learnt to handle your emotions with a positive mind.

Positive vibes resonate with love, vigor and enthusiasm. They add happiness, solace and security to our lives.

Read more about emotions and their connections.

Do you value positivity? Could you pick up some positive vibes from this page? You are welcome to share your thoughts.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

My Muse Almost Got Strangulated

 

In love with words

She has been wandering around too much, meeting strangers, expecting appreciation, gloating at her beauty and intellect as she reclined leisurely in the glorious sunshine, having abandoned the shadows recently.

Having emerged from her poetic alleys, she got bolder and her escapades with young adventurers almost throttled her as she refused to wear modest garments…some of which seemed incandescent to her new friends. They tried to impose their opinion on her, telling her not to push people away with her ‘excessive alliteration’ and ‘lengthy’ words, guiding her to be humble and simple.

It was too much for the one who has never been snubbed, who likes to boss around, considering herself to be a spontaneous charmer.

She came home disappointed and has been sulking.

‘I hate you’, she looked me in the eye and scowled. I just smiled, which agitated her further. She threw all she had in her pockets at me and scampered away.

Yesterday I saw her, sitting by her favorite creek. I continued my walk, pretending obliviousness but she followed me, igniting new ideas in my mind. I invited her to sit down to have a healthy conversation. She agreed nonchalantly.

‘Would you like a cup of tea,’ I tried to diffuse the situation.

‘I don’t like judgmental people. What do they know about me? How could they condemn me?’ She often blurts like that and I was well prepared to calm her down.

I nodded most lovingly and tried to explain that we don’t have any control over the demeanor of people. She shot me a dagger like glance and espoused her view: ‘why can’t you use the word ‘behavior,’ which such people understand better.’ That’s what they want. That’s why they criticize me.’

‘Critics add another dimension to our personality. Take it in a positive manner. We don’t need to change our style just because others want us to. Let’s bless our critics, as we owe gratitude to them for being our readers.’

Discerning my sermonizing mood, my muse chose to step into the realms of dreams.

Inspired from Diana’s disciplinarian muse. Thanks dear friend.

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Balroop Singh.