Flying High

Flying high

The path I chose, I follow it with pride
Thorny monsters monitor my trail
I know I can brush them aside
Each one reminds me of you!

Each spike strengthened me
Unrequited love is not my shriek
I know this love let me grow
I know obscure alleys scream louder

Respect, reverence, self-esteem
Are my basic requisites
I refuse to be a competitor
Who struggles for personal rights

The stumble, the search… stirred me
Questions… that haunted my sleep
Clamor and clutter… that robbed my peace
Elevate me, help me detach!

I am no longer tied to the cliffs
Threats don’t hold any ground
I have decided to fly high
On the winds of cool complacence

Who has the audacity to ask?
Who can misconstrue my intrepid intentions?
Who can doubt my positive power?
No one can sway my dauntless decision!
© Balroop Singh.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.
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Can Women Escape Domestic Violence? An Emotional Approach…

Domestic Violence

My friend Lisa is writing a story on women’s escape from domestic violence. This post got an inspiration from her unstinted efforts to help ‘The Great Escape’.

Is it possible to escape domestic violence? I have often wondered…

If this could be probable, why would a woman of 21st century swallow everyday abuse, why would she compromise and be told to ‘ADJUST’! Adjust to intimidation and assault? To slapping? To emotional blackmail?

If this could be conceivable, why would female feticide be forced upon a young mother who yearns to hold her child in her hands!

Why would a woman be assaulted or killed for petty demands like dowry or standing up for her rights?

I know I am presenting a very negative picture despite being a robust optimist.

But I have seen domestic violence, its shapes and shades. I have seen it grow and flourish despite laws against it.

Domestic violence is not just perpetrated by a husband or a partner. Families too are a party to it. To my mind, violation of basic human rights by anybody around us – a parent, a sibling or a relative – is domestic violence.

According to National Coalition Against Domestic Violence ( NCADV ) Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.

I have seen so many women in such situations. They don’t even think that a mistreatment in a family means domestic violence. They don’t have the courage and the confidence to confront it.

Not just a husband unleashes domestic violence upon her; his mother is more to blame for nagging, verbally and physically abusing, making her work like a slave and not giving her enough to eat.

This is the story of most of the homes in many Asian countries.

Real story:

I had seen this woman in my early childhood…working all day, carrying out all the odd jobs of the house, from looking after the cattle of the house to cooking for the family as well as all those who worked in the fields. My most vivid memories are of those days when it would be raining heavily and continuously but she would be as active as ever, with just a gunny bag on her head, attending to the milking of the cows, early in the morning.

Abandoned by her husband at the young age of 25, she chose to live in his home all her life, probably due to societal pressures. She devoted all her life to her only child and grand children, giving them all they needed, without even a single word of complaint.

As I look back now, trying to understand the definition of domestic violence, this image seems to be more disturbing than physical violence in the homes. This memory is etched in my mind. The emotional wounds that I can feel even today for my aunt, after almost 5o years are irreparable.

Even today I can hear that unspoken message…where can I go?

Even today I can see that agony in her eyes saying…what can I do?

Who is responsible?

Women too are equally to blame for accepting such a behavior. Fifty years ago when economic independence and social taboos didn’t let them take any action, it could be understood but in the present era when there are no such constraints, women accept domestic violence as part of their life and destiny.

The sordid saga continues…

Domestic Violence

Another real story:

She is a highly educated, successful doctor and financially independent woman. There was a time when she could take her own decisions, when she was single though many of her friends couldn’t.

She married according to her own wishes, having found her soul mate at the age of 20. She has been living with domestic violence of unspeakable volumes but could never gather the courage of reporting it, stepping out of her marriage or divorcing her husband. She is a widely travelled woman but cannot step out of her own home, without her husband.

People say women have been empowered and emancipated! Really?

“We live in a world in which women are battered and are unable to flee from the men who beat them, although their door is theoretically standing wide open. One out of every four women becomes a victim of severe violence. One out of every two will be confronted by sexual harassment over her lifetime. These crimes are everywhere and can take place behind any front door in the country, every day, and barely elicit much more than a shrug of the shoulders and superficial dismay.”Natascha Kampusch

Who can help?

No soft words or empathy, no laws or stern action against those who inflict such a cowardly act can help.

Only women, yes those women or victims who accept such a beastly behavior can help.

Unless you help yourself, all others effort go futile:

  • Refuse to tolerate domestic violence
  • Never hide it to protect your self-esteem
  • Stand up for your rights
  • Don’t equate it with destiny
  • Communicate your dissent the very first time
  • Speak your mind out loudly and clearly
  • Seek help
  • If the perpetrator doesn’t change, be bold
  • Never believe in their false promises
  • Never give a second chance to such offenders
  • Be firm and take your own decision
  • Walk out of such relationships as soon as you can!

Do you know that 603 million women live where domestic violence is not considered a crime!!

If you are living in a country that recognizes domestic violence as a serious offence, you must report it.

My dearest friend Kim supports this cause most vociferously at her website. You can visit her for advice and help.

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Balroop Singh

How Much Of Self Love?

Image

“It is not love that should be depicted as blind but self love”–Voltaire

Everybody professes self- love and rightly so. After all we learn it from the cradle and the mirror. Have you noticed how happy babies are when they look at their own image? They smile at themselves, wave at their image and feel so elated. This love keeps growing with age.

As love grows out of bounds for some people, so does self-love. When care and respect for one’s own self becomes excessive, when people attempt to exalt themselves or consider themselves superior than their siblings, friends or colleagues, such a love becomes a curse for their personality.

Have you ever met such people who say:

  • I like you…I dislike him…
  • I want to be happy…Image
  • I am so successful…
  • I want you to work as I say…
  • I would like to visit…
  • My pleasure
  • My contentment, my peace
  • My health, my fitness

The key words are ‘I’ and ‘My’.

They underline so much of self- love that YOU and WE are completely lost. When we get immersed in self- love, we fail to see the world as it is. Our focus remains on our own feelings, our own achievements and gloating about them.

It is natural that such people get disliked as they are considered to be arrogant…with an exaggerated sense of self-importance.

“Self- love is akin to the capital vice pride, which is the beginning of all sin”-Thomas Aquinas

There is no harm in looking inwards, to discover your true self, to recognize what you want to be, to look after your needs and even luxuries but looking down on others, using them for your own benefits, disregarding their sentiments, hurting or bullying them to prove that you are better than them, smacks of narcissism.

“Since [narcissists] deep down, feel themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world’s fault. Since they must deny their own badness, they must perceive others as bad.”—M. Scott Peck.

Self-love is often equated with self-esteem but when it makes you blind to your own faults and gives you an inflated ego, it is time to introspect.

Image The seeds of magnified self-esteem are sown at a very young age. All parents tell their children: ‘you are the best! You can do anything.’

As children have highly impressionable minds, they start believing what they are told. They grow up with this illusion; they start thinking highly of themselves and refuse to admit they can ever fail or they don’t have the ability to accomplish what is expected from them.

Self-love emanates from our own homes, our own overstatements and our own society. In our enthusiasm to raise perfect individuals, we overlook the fact that each child is different. Many parents keep denying that their child is a bully or behaves arrogantly till this self-love transforms into a big ego.

 Even the scriptures exhort us to shed our ‘ego’:

“Remember this O’ Nanak that whosoever says ‘I AM’, he is bound down.”

“O’ ignorant man, destroy your egoistic thoughts. Still your egos, meditate on God in your heart…”—Guru Nanak

—Enshrined in Guru Granth Sahib.

“O Arjuna, surrender your ego fully unto the God. By His grace you will attain transcendental peace and the supreme and eternal abode.”—Sri Krishna   

–Enshrined in Bhagwat Gita.

 An ego is ‘EGO’…it cannot be healthy or unhealthy! Those who live in their own dominative world call it healthy.

How much you love yourself? What are the parameters that you follow to exhibit your love and authority? You can share your valuable views here.

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