Self-judgment Is Equally Detrimental

Self-judgment

I am sure nobody likes to be judged but what about our own judgment, which is continuous and constant?

Did I hurt him/her? Did I say something offending? Did I shirk my responsibility? Where did I go wrong?

Am I right in…there are thousands of such questions, which keep cropping up in our minds every day. We may call it self-reflection but it is self-judgment too.

The difference is just this – the former is positive and the latter is negative.

We all know that negative thoughts are overpowering and intensely pernicious. Yet we let them dwell in our minds.

They are like those moments of pain that never go. No! They are not the old ones. New keep cropping up.

Some moments, which are too personal, too close…so precious that you can’t even share them. You can’t let them go. You have to grieve over them. You make peace with that pain because it is not directly yours, not within your reach yet it is connected with you…in the form of a near one, a very dear person who considers you your confidant.

Can that pain be betrayed? Can you detach from such a situation?

Can you blame yourself?

I have written about detachment, about letting go to move ahead, about the ‘Valley Of Happiness’ that is so easy to imagine but when you try to live in that valley, somebody enters to remind that life never fails to bring up new turbulences even if you try to conquer it’s endeavors.

Those moments of elusive sleep with mind drifting into the forgotten realms return. You wonder where your promise of keeping grief at bay has vanished.

You think for hours and then remind yourself that the only way is to dismiss those despondent thoughts.

When we think for hours, searching for our own role in the whole scenario – that is self-judgment.

When we blame ourselves for something we didn’t do intentionally – that is self-judgment.

When we wallow in the grief of a near or dear one – who doesn’t possess the confidence to move on, searching our own role in the situation or failure to help, that is self-judgment.

You try to respond to a sad story in a positive manner but that lump in the throat wouldn’t let the words flow out, you want to scream yet the voice seems to fail you, you feel throttled, tears well up in your eyes but you try to hold them to show your courage and all these emotions get wedged between the struggle to grieve and let go.

People consider you a sentimental fool!

All that tall talk… ‘Count your blessings’ seems hollow at such a time.

Despite all the feelings of helplessness and anguish, we have to hold the strings of positivity to leap out of those dumps.Self-judgment quote

There is no other way. The choice is ours. Keep lying low and wallow in self-pity or grieve and be done with it.

Self-judgment makes us doubt our own intentions.

It shakes our confidence.

It lowers our self-esteem.

It pulls us back into the dumps of depression.

THE ONLY CHOICE:

Train your mind: If you tend to hold yourself responsible for the misfortunes of others who are dear to your heart, you need to train your mind. Like any other training, it would take time. It would take more time than getting a mechanical training because emotions are supple, attachments are deep-rooted and enlightenment may require a full life.

Remind yourself: It is not your problem. You can’t mitigate the pain of others. You can’t change their circumstances. You can only empathize. Don’t drown yourself in their sorrow.

Give positive support: Avoid criticism; it never helps. All we need is reassurance that we are on the right path, that we are putting in our best efforts and our love for those we value would never wane.

Do you judge yourself? Do you hold yourself responsible for the misfortunes of others? I would love to hear your views.

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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Balroop Singh.

 


 

There Are Various Definitions Of Happiness, Which One Appeals To You?

Happiness

I have often been confused by the notion of happiness. I have tried to equate it with contentment and have found it to be its synonym.

I have also linked it with ‘our passion’ because when we try to follow what our heart says we experience that special feeling, which is probably ‘happiness’.

I have never tried those ecstatic moments, which make you fly to seventh heaven. I have only heard and read about them.

Comprehending a simple word – ‘happiness’ is quite complex.

One thing I am sure of is that when a long-standing desire gets fulfilled, it is certainly a moment of happiness but it may not lead us to eternal happiness, which lies in our heart, mind and thoughts.

Initial imprints:

I must be in high school when I read ‘The Enchanted Shirt’ by John Hay.

This shirt was recommended for a king who could not get well despite all the medicines, which were prescribed by the royal doctors. The king’s men traveled far and wide to find a ‘happy man’ so that they could borrow his shirt to make their king healthy and happy.

The man who seemed to be happy was requested to give his shirt. The happy man confessed that he didn’t have a shirt!

The depth of the message, which this poem carried didn’t register in my mind at that time but there was something, which percolated deep down, as this poem immediately comes to my mind whenever the word ‘happy’ is mentioned.

“The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” – Carl Sandburg

Gauging happiness:

I have tried to scale the boundaries of ‘happiness’ many times from various directions and I have always found great solace in breaking it up into syllables:

H hope   (to)
A accomplish
P pervasive
P peace   (and)
I incorporate
N necessary
E endeavor   (for)
S spontaneous
S serenity

Observations:

I have also tried to observe how happiness visits us uninvited:

A child can find joy in little moments of skipping in water or blowing bubbles.

The ecstatic moments of a lover are in the arms of his beloved.

A mother’s bliss lies in the delightful face and little accomplishments of her child.

A hungry person can find pleasure in simple food.

For a sick person, the charm of getting well and walking again is supreme.

The elderly seek good health and company to be happy.

But these are fleeting moments of joy. Happiness is eternal albeit it is made up of such little moments. They promote wellbeing. They nourish mental health. They keep the hope of brighter days alive.

The definition of happiness is as divergent as that of success.

Happiness quote

This is what the experts and the great thinkers say: (an adapted version)

Happiness is perceptive. It is like a cloud that keeps vanishing.

It is determined by our own disposition.

Happiness is harmony with our thoughts…a spiritual journey.

It is breaking the chains of your mind and let it soar.

Happiness is a choice. You have to create your own ways to be happy.

It keeps changing with time and space.

Happiness must be cultivated; chasing it takes us nowhere.

It is a profound feeling of contentment and knowledge that all the blessings of life are around us, only if we can perceive them.

Happiness blossoms in the hearts of those who respect and value relationships.

It could be sitting in your home and you didn’t notice it.

I had written a poem ‘The Valley Of Happiness’ in one of my most intense and gloomy moments. You may like to read it.

Thank you for reading this. Your support is immensely appreciated. Please share your views about this much discussed and stimulating topic.

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Balroop Singh.

 

 

Dreams…A Domain We Love To Visit

Dreams

Like fragrant flowers under our feet
Like diaphanous drops of first rain
Like moonlight soothing our eyes
Like water boats floated with childlike charm
Dreams remain our precious possessions.

Dreams gently caress us, carry us along
Awaken us out of their magic
Sometimes, stimulate us into activity
Encourage us to embark on the journey
To make a beginning, to plod on

Dreams are those concepts, those desires
Which remain deeply entrenched in us
Till we work on those images of mind
Flow in their current, shield them
From stormy waters… love them!

Dreams ignite a fire within us
A fire of reality, of confidence, of success
They push us into the life of adventure,
To rush, to explore, to accomplish
They steer us towards our goal

Dreams drown dreary thoughts
Keep us alive in the worst of times
They give wings to our heavy heart,
They transport us into another world
A world of our choice.
© Balroop Singh

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

What If Some Experiences Are Not Positive?

Positive thoughts

Is life so simple? Can we control our experiences?

I stumbled upon the above quote and got a lot of positive energy from it but a thought immediately crossed my mind…what if some experiences are not positive? What if positive feelings are not reciprocated?

All people are not alike. There may be such persons in your life who are always trying to find some reason to irritate you and spread unpleasantness.

Some of them are around us all the time, in the form of our family members or colleagues.

Have you ever given a thought that negative experiences leave a deep impact on us? It is very difficult to forget them whereas positive people just pass by and are easily overlooked or taken for granted.

Life does not remain positive at all times. It is at such a challenging and grim time that positive thoughts lose their track.

This mind is so strange. It also gets distracted from its positive path.

What drives negativity? Why is it so easy to jump into this messy pool?

People! Some people are selfish. They have their own designs; their ulterior motives can never be understood. Some are arrogant, they disseminate negative vibes; they always try to put you down. Some have narcissistic traits; their presence in your life can be quite detrimental. Some are manipulative; they try to exploit your goodness.

I know many such people.

People are like an ocean! Understanding them is like diving into an ocean.

Some deep, some so shallow!

Some never come to the shore some never leave it.

If you are fortunate, you might find a pearl!

Human behavior is quite intriguing, oscillating between darkness and light.

The values, emotions and the virtues are ingrained in human soul but at the same time the vices that ensnare us can easily sway our integrity. Hurts can lead us astray.

Lack of guidance, injustice and disappointments bring out the worst behavior.

Teasing, bullying, violence, intolerance, wreaking vengeance and driving others to take the extreme step of committing suicide in modern societies seems to be an addition to human behavior.

A new negativity? However, it is possible that it lurked there in some other unfamiliar form.

Human behavior has chiefly been influenced by society, culture, region and religion, which has strengthened with time. There have hardly been any significant changes in the core values and ethics that have guided it.

Fear and insecurity may bring some changes in human behavior but only for a short period of time.

Despair and disillusionments follow us everywhere. They also change our behavior. How do we react?

Hope

Disappointments often intimidate us but if we keep talking to the hopeful aspect of our mind, if we refuse to let our mind be clogged with the fear of failures, if we embrace the tenacity of our positive spirit, we can strengthen this sentiment and pass it on to our children who exemplify true hope.

Have you ever felt the power of positive spirit?

If disenchantments follow you, learn to cultivate hope, which is an inborn virtue. It lies dormant if it is not nurtured.

Observe a child carefully and you will see an amazing amount of resilience and hope for achieving even the unattainable. A child may fall or fail but the efforts to learn new things never wane. It is the inherent quality of hope and happiness, which keeps children going robustly towards their goal.

As their little feet start growing, hope grows within them. Each step they take, each game they play, this hope becomes sounder.

No child ever thinks of losing. Cynicism is unknown to them. Little failures may dishearten them for a while but they start again with renewed efforts. It is the hope that carries them forward to catch happiness.

Hope fills enthusiasm in their efforts. They look forward to their parents for encouragement and reassurance to accomplish their little goals. When they see happiness on their faces, their spirit soars further. Hence a positive approach and support nurtures hope and happiness.

Hope and happiness are so interconnected!

It is the hope of being successful which leads us to it and happiness follows effortlessly. While conscious efforts are required for all that we hope to accomplish, happiness just meets us on the way to success.

I have had many such experiences, which have shaken my positive spirit but I have always bounced back by convincing myself that this is just a passing phase, by reminding myself that all people are not positive.

What are your reflections about meeting positive people? What impact have they made on you?

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.