How To Deal With Insensitive People

Insensitive People

Insensitive people are all around us in the form of friends, family members, bosses and masked well-wishers. They spread their negative energy around us with their desires, diktats and decrees.

I have already written why people are insensitive, which is easier to understand than dealing with their behavior.

Often we get weary of the environment such people create and try to shun them yet we have to face them if they happen to be around us in the form of our family members. If they can’t be avoided then we must figure out the ways to deal with them.

My immediate boss was quite insensitive and judgmental. Most of my colleagues would try to please her by nodding their heads to whatever she said or expected. I could never be herded like cattle and so was always the target of her wrath.

I have had an early introduction to insensitivity, which endowed me with some capability to face such people.

Here are some ways to deal with them…

Understand them:

It is very easy to condemn others and arrive at our own conclusions about the way people behave. We never give a thought to why they do so. We feel it is not our problem!

How people treat you is all about them…and their personality, which reveals their real self in a subtle manner. You have to be intuitive enough to pick up those vibrations.

People react to your personality, potential and work according to their own perception, capability and emotional intelligence.

When people are rude, negative emotions dominate their behavior.

  • They could be anguished by their own frustrations
  • They could be struggling with their own problems
  • Somebody could have instigated them

When they are disrespectful

  • They could be biased
  • They could have been raised like that
  • They consider themselves self-righteous
  • They could be doing it out of spite

When they are indifferent

  • They can’t think beyond their own selves
  • They consider emotions to be pointless
  • They could be weak-minded

When they are disloyal

  • They are guided by their own insecurities
  • They could be self-centered
  • Financial instability cripples their thoughts

If we try to understand their circumstances, we may develop empathy for such people.

Easier said than done? I agree! But if your spouse happens to be insensitive to your love and concern, if he/she doesn’t acknowledge what all you do to make the home a happy place, how much effort goes in bearing insensitivity, you can’t just walk out of his/her life.

You have to devise ways to deal with insensitivity.

Convey your hurts, talk to them:

I would not like to say that it is easy. Only a patient and understanding person can do so as a lot of energy and emotions are involved in talking to such a person who can’t see logic. Each time you try to explain your view, they tune off as they live in their own world.

They have never been taught to respect the opinion of others. They fail to see beyond their own hurts, which appear to be mammoth. It can be emotionally draining but if you want to keep them in your lives, keep the channel of communication open.Talking helps

They would try to duck your questions.

They would prefer to remain silent.

They could even lie to avoid any discussion.

Why? Because they don’t want to expose their weaknesses. Actually such people are very weak at heart. Kindness doesn’t reach them…probably they have never seen it and feel confused.

I wouldn’t say you should give up your own kindness. This is a testing time but how far can you push your limits and let the other person cross your boundaries is what matters.

A reminder – Never accept emotional abuse. Self-love and self-esteem should never be trespassed while dealing with such persons.

Love and kindness doesn’t flow naturally, it has to be nurtured. If the other person doesn’t respond well, if strife is all that is around you, keep your thoughts positive. Positivity can be miraculous but you are the best judge to decide whether it is the time to step away.

Learn to take your own decisions. Too much dependence and too much goodness can be frustrating. Learn to strike a balance between love and servitude.

Sometimes give them back:

Use strong words to convey what you have been saying softly. Remind them how much you have done to boost their respect. Sometimes they understand the language of reprimand better than modesty.

If they withdraw into their shell, challenge them out. Tell them to convey their grievances openly. This step may reveal the reasons of their insensitivity.

I am sure you would emerge emotionally stronger, resilient and wise. The best lessons are learnt in the furnace of living through challenging situations.

Do you know any such person who is insensitive? Have you ever experienced the stress of dealing with such people? I would love to hear your views.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections.

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Balroop Singh.

 

 

How To Stop Hiding Behind Those Excuses…

Excuses

We are perfect at inventing excuses! I think this is an innate trait, which we love to explore. We find happiness in them.

Students feel a sense of exhilaration when their excuse works to keep them safe from punitive action.

Youngsters take pride in using excuses just for fun! Their adventurous spirit takes them beyond all the responsibilities they have towards themselves and their parents.

We grow up with excuses and don’t even realize that they become our second nature.

When life throws up challenges, should we hide behind the excuses and procrastinate?

There is no magic wand that would lift us out of those situations.

After publishing my third book, I have learnt another profound lesson – we need to own up what we think and do.

We must stop making excuses to ourselves.

I have been hiding behind many excuses to tell myself that my book is not good enough!

I have spent many years looking down upon my own writing, hiding those pieces of papers into drawers so that nobody could read those thoughts.

When somebody told me that I write positive, I told myself… ‘One day I would compile all those pieces of paper into a poetry book but that day dawned only when I stopped making excuses. I didn’t keep waiting for the right time, free time, which never comes ‘free’!

We have to squeeze it into those twenty-four hours that seem so less!

When we tell ourselves – ‘I have no time’ we are just hiding behind our own mismanagement of time. Either we are disorganized or we are not making any effort to plan ahead. Lack of time exists only in our head.

First of all we have to get acquainted with our thoughts because only they can lead us to positive action. Eliminate those thoughts, which encourage you to postpone certain activities.

‘Now or never’ is the most pertinent dictum to follow.

If you want to add few minutes of exercise in your morning routine, reset your alarm.

If you want to sleep early, give up that TV viewing habit after eight!

Determination is the right word to start exercising in the morning.

If you are in a meeting and time seems to fly before finishing your agenda, the culprit is not time, which moves at its normal pace.

It never flies; it only seems to because we tend to waste it in meaningless conversation or argument.excuses quote

Setting goals on day-to-day basis and spelling out the priorities is the hallmark of managing your time appropriately.

When we tell ourselves – ‘I have no money’ we have probably not developed the skill of spending judiciously or we are inept at handling our priorities.

It is a known fact that money is never enough.

Often money is squandered away without the realization that unplanned expenditure leads to such a situation of ‘having no money.’

The unnecessary parties, those special dresses and expensive shoes, which could be worn just once or those extra toys, which may just add to the unattended clutter, frequent eating out at expensive restaurants need to be curtailed in order to channelize money into more fruitful expenses.

When we tell ourselves – ‘I get so tired’ we are just finding an excuse to get rid of any discussion on why certain chores have not been attended to.

When we use our past as an excuse, we are just shifting the blame and not making any contribution to move on. If nobody encouraged you and showed you the right way, you are no longer tied to that. It is your turn to learn the right behavior; it is in your hands to choose your future path. Isn’t it enough that the fetters of past are no longer holding your growth?

Go ahead, grab the opportunities and make the best of them. Put all your heart and soul into what has been your silent dream.

Forget your past, forgive those who denied you your share and live in the present.

When we doubt our success, when we tell ourselves that we may fail, we are just making another excuse to hide behind the unknown fears. The fear of failure was never real. We have been endowed with the capabilities to overcome those fears.

Life never unfolds the way we want, unavoidable cannot be done away with but all aspects of life are not uncontrollable.

We make mistakes, we resist change, we don’t want to step out of our comfort zone

Just because something didn’t work well doesn’t mean we should stop making efforts.

Are there some excuses that have been holding your growth? I am waiting for your answers.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

 

Are you Enlightened…in the real sense?

enlightenmentquote

This word- ‘Enlightenment’ has always intimidated me…it has given me visions of rising up into a different world, a sphere beyond my reach and therefore I have been trying to understand it for many years now.

Buddhist interpretation of the word…‘the awakening to ultimate truth by which man is freed from the endless cycle of personal reincarnations to which all men are otherwise subject’ is quite overwhelming.

Then I read about self-awakening…the truth that lies within us, the emotions that guide us towards our goals, that define the purpose of our life.

And I arrived at some conclusions.

Enlightenment is not just spiritual, not just a state of transcendent divine experience, which aims at liberation from self, craving, suffering and rebirth.

It is the ability to comprehend ourselves, it is the power to peer into our hearts and minds and reach that state of spiritual bliss, which may or may not lead us to salvation.

Within us lies a light, a light of thoughts, a light of sanity, of ethereal happiness the light that liberates, which may become divine at some point of time…if we make an effort.

Enlightenment is self-realization…knowing your true self, which may be different from the self you have been portraying to the world.

“Knowing others is Wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment” –Laozi.

How much you know about yourself? I know you are thinking what an absurd question is this?

Yes, I am right…it takes us almost whole of our life to know what lies in our heart and mind; as it keeps on changing.

There are stages when we don’t know what we want. If we are smart enough to figure out, one fine day we realize that our passion is not what we have been pursuing.

What we like as teenagers, we may not feel comfortable with, as we grow up.

Our taste for food, our aesthetic sense, our likes and dislikes, our friends, our perspective on life changes and we move beyond the world of appearances.

We feel enlightened when our intuition starts guiding us, when we can take mature decisions, when we take pride in our achievements.

So enlightenment begins with plunging into our hearts, analyzing our thoughts and reflecting on the kind of life we have been leading.

Slowly we realize we need another kind of enlightenment:

Enlightenment is to know and understand people around us.quote-the-real-meaning_14762-4

How little we know about people around us!

How often do you step out of your own relationships to know more about your neighbors, your friends and colleagues?

We are too formal with them…just the customary greeting…how good or bad the weather is…how cute the dog or cat is and that puts an end to our conversation!

Do we know how many of them are facing challenges at work?

Do we know what is causing stress in their lives? We are so worked up in our own problems that we don’t pay any attention to what is leading to the deteriorating health of our friend.

This culture of adopting a non-interfering attitude makes us strangers to each other, getting immersed in the sea of our own plans and pains.

Is spiritual enlightenment of any use in such a scenario? Aren’t we too selfish to crave for it?

Can we really attain it if we are oblivious of the suffering around us?

To my mind, real enlightenment comes from helping mankind, from eradicating hunger and disease, from wiping out abuse, discrimination, violence and exploitation around us.

Enlightenment doesn’t make us a better person if we seek it just for us. It doesn’t erase our desires or put an end to even our own suffering. In fact it is the suffering that ennobles us.

Let your quest for enlightenment guide your spirit.

“Enlightenment is at the source of everything. From it, flows our Intuition and our creative energy. It is the delta of the human spirit ~ what we innately seek to return to, as we find ourselves lost in this world.”—Kim Chestney

Is enlightenment beyond the reach of common man?

I don’t think so.

Would you like to be enlightened in the real sense of the word? I would love to hear from your side.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Picture credit: Effortless Peace.com