A Page From Earthy’s Diary…

My New Shoes…

The long awaited day did come when I got the opportunity to buy new shoes. I had been waiting for this day, the day daddy would take me along and I would be able to spend some time in his company. Such delightful moments are so rare yet they add great hope to my existence.

The bike moved quite slowly and I kept chattering…knowing well that dad is the only person who would never tell me to ‘be quiet.’ I know he would have never said ‘girls don’t speak so much.’ He listens to all my stories with a twinkle in his eye. I love him so much!

Some moments are so precious. This one I was going to cherish. I could tell the story to my friends. Now they would know I have a loving dad. Now they wouldn’t make fun of my dirty, worn out shoes. Now I would run with confidence!

I chose my new shoes. I didn’t care much about the style or the color. The excitement of going out with dad and be myself was more significant than anything. My focus was dad, my hero, my savior who was always interested in my demands and only he fulfilled them.

After buying the shoes I was told to sit on a rickshaw and go home. I looked into dad’s eyes, pleading my unwillingness. Probably he didn’t understand. The words I wanted to speak stuck in my throat, out of the fear of going home alone. I pretended to be strong and didn’t utter a word of protest.

With one hand I balanced myself and held the verge of the rickshaw tightly. The other hand was holding the box of shoes tightly lest it might slip from my hand. No other journey could have been as long as this one. I hated my dad for sending me home like that. I knew he too didn’t love me.

Why didn’t he ask? Why couldn’t he go to his office late? Why is he so insensitive? I kept asking all these questions to myself, trying to analyze and now I am writing them down, hoping to get all the answers when I am big.

When I ran inside the house, put the box of shoes down in the patio and sat on it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I tried to put myself together. As usual I didn’t want to share my feelings with Trod who would mock and tease. I don’t want to tell anyone about my insecurity, I know I can handle it alone.

Image from

Mama didn’t ask me why I was sitting in the middle of patio. She yelled…‘Are you going to sit all day, looking at those shoes? Put them inside and come and help me in the kitchen.’

I felt like throwing that box of shoes at her. I felt like opening my mouth fully and scream loudly. I wanted to tell somebody how my heart was racing, how scared I was. I wanted a soft word of reassurance, a gentle hug and a caress.

I got that from you dear diary. Thank you so much for being my only companion, my haven of love and comfort. …Earthy.

Dedicated to all those children who have to handle their fears alone, who feel neglected or bullied and crave for parental attention.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh

 

 

 

 

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Why Do People Bully?

A bully is “a person who hurts, persecutes, or intimidates weaker people.” I am sure you can relate to this definition of a bully as we have met such persons either at home, school or work place.

Bullies target those who are coy, sensitive or are not psychologically strong to face unsavory remarks. Bullying seems to belong to antiquity and must have originated with human existence as it is embedded in the behavior of some people.

People bully:

Image from Google

• To intimidate
• To gain control
• To satisfy their ego
• To prove their power
• To settle scores
• Due to low self-esteem
• Out of frustration
• Out of emotional deprivation
• Just for fun

Bullying begins at home and many children pick it up from their parents who might be arguing, threatening or pushing the partner to the wall to prove his/her point. So bullying is a learnt behavior.

Sometimes a parent sets an example through his own rigid behavior and high expectations. He may alienate himself from other members of the family. Children who grow up in emotionally insensitive families fail to learn the virtue of empathy. They learn to take pleasure in the pains of others.

Sibling rivalry and favoritism within a family leaves an indelible mark on the psyche of children. They either lean towards bullies or develop a low self-esteem. A girl child who is constantly badgered for being a liability and told that she must learn good behavior, as she has to get married is bullied with such words! This kind of attitude encourages the male sibling to bully her further. She learns to accept this kind of verbal and emotional bullying at her own home.

When parents are indifferent to making fun, teasing and hurting amongst siblings and don’t take punitive measures to stop such behavior, a bully may feel encouraged, as the mute message that reaches him is that such a behavior is acceptable.

In some cases children who like to bully could have been neglected at home and they grow up with the notion that nobody cares for them.

Lack of positive role models in our lives, dominance of leaders who bully and coaches who encourage the players to be aggressive give a boost to such behavior in our society.

Bullying at school is accepted as normal aggressive behavior of some children. It may begin with a little fun or unpleasant remarks out of jealousy but it doesn’t stop in case of an introvert who doesn’t share his thoughts. It is often neglected till it acquires gigantic proportions and could have already proved psychologically detrimental for the victim.

First and foremost, bullying needs to be reported to a teacher or a parent. Students who choose to fight their own battles or ignore inappropriate behavior indirectly encourage a bully.

Second, it is essential to take some action against bullying to set an example for others and send a clear signal that such a behavior would not be accepted.

Third, please remember… “Bullying never has to do with you. It’s the bully who’s insecure,”says Shay Mitchell.

It is extremely important to sensitize children about mutual respect and kindness at an impressionable age. Talks, discussions, projects and workshops, which focus on behavior could be organized at school to nurture compassion and empathy.

It is quite challenging to approach a bully and criticize his inappropriate remarks. He may not be responsible for them. A teacher who knows her students has to approach them gently, without hurting their sentiments and self-esteem. The focus has to be on correction and not criticism of behavior.

If we dig deeper, it can be discerned that bullies too need help. Such children are themselves the victim of some insensitive behavior at home or are upset with their own self. Their own demons are larger than life. They would never share the real reasons of such behavior. Some of them may not even be aware of the reasons and the consequences of bullying on their personality.

A bully is a hard nut to crack. The right approach would be to talk to him, show him positive approach towards life without actually hinting at his behavior. A teacher who knows a bully’s behavior or a psychologist in a group can do this. While group therapy can be helpful in some cases, such a student needs a close monitoring. Parents too have to step in if they are really concerned.

When bullying enters work places, it becomes uncontrollable as employees accept it calmly with the cliché… ‘Boss is always right.’ I have heard that phrase a thousand times and told to ‘accept’…even injustice! At this stage of life when we are capable of standing against bullying, we look the other way.

I have seen that people have their own reasons for accepting such behavior. Some don’t want to lose their job; some want promotion or favors while many are cowards who have been conditioned to become a ‘yes-man’ for the sake of peace. They become the cronies of those who sit in the comfort of their chairs to bully through their henchmen and smile at their successful strategies.

I have met many bullies but refused to surrender to their dirty games. I was always guided by the words of Lincoln – “I would rather be a little nobody, than to be a evil somebody.” 

How many bullies have you met? What was your approach?

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

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Balroop Singh.

 

 

Avenues of Harmony

Sue Vincent’s #writephoto

Once again our green hands
Disseminate sheltered serenity
Once again our life inspires
The love of perpetual giving

Come join the celebrations
Revel in the glory of spring melodies
Soft sounds of new leaves
Merge in the song of bluebirds

Recline in the carousel of lovebirds
Glide with the breezy fragrance
Smile with the colorful sweet peas
Feel the magical breath of spring

This green bower beckons
Accentuating avenues of harmony
Shifting seasons beseech quietly
To keep the rhythm of nature alive.
© Balroop Singh

Thanks to Sue Vincent for an inspiring Thursday photo prompt Avenue #writephoto.

You can click here for more poetry.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

A Single Mother

Image from Pinterest

I sat by the shore
Watching a woman
Swathed by the waves
Sometimes completely inundated
She sat there frigid.

I knew she was crestfallen
Her grief seemed to be raw
A lump rose in my throat
As I walked towards her
She sat there unaware.

I spoke some words of solace
To assuage her emotional deluge
Her fiery eyes bore through me
A scary stony expression of glare
Didn’t deter my positivity

I pressed further…share it
Say it…feel the words that heal
The arrows that sat on her tongue
Pierced my heart into smithereens
I clutched her hand when she spoke…

Do you know a shooting pain
That rises every moment?
Do you know how it feels
To be asphyxiated every second?
Do you know what is loss?

Loss of an only child
My only hope, my only star
Who went to school to study
Bubbling with life cut short by a bullet
Is this the price we pay for learning?

Can your words restore my faith?
Can your hope bring my son back?
Can you assure me no more would be killed?
Can your words mitigate the woes
Of a single mother?

Can you oust the demons
That excoriate me night and day?
Can you replace the walls
That torment me all night?
Can you douse the fire within?
Teary eyed I looked at her, dumb-founded.
© Balroop Singh

This poem was written after the deadliest school massacre occurred at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Broward County, Florida on February 14, 2018.

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How to Heal Emotional Hurts?

No sane soul hurts deliberately. Yet hurts happen. Today I want to discuss  emotional hurts, which remain deep-rooted, which keep gnawing at our hearts, as we don’t want to share them for fear of ridicule or exposing our relationships, which may appear to be loving and smooth.

Why do people hurt?

•  Insensitivity towards others
• Lack of emotional quotient
• Lack of communication skills
• Jealousy
• Arrogance
• Vindictive attitude
• Own selfish motives.

Selfish people never think of others. Even if they do, their own pursuits are so overwhelming for them that they are able to justify themselves. They buy peace with self- arguments and get rid of the guilt of hurting their own near and dear ones.

Sometimes vile and toxic people around them encourage them in their goals, by glorifying their efforts to guide them. Such people snatch them away from their most loving friends and relatives.

Sometimes we hurt others unknowingly. We use such words, which pierce the hearts, without realizing their impact.

Have you ever felt the depth of hurt? It is much deeper than we think it to be.

Emotional hurts leave longer shadows behind them. Unlike physical hurts, they are invisible but the marks they make on our psyche are indelible. While some hurts may be subtle, some stare starkly at us and become a burden.

Time is said to be a great healer but it doesn’t really heal. It just fades the memories of hurts. They keep returning in your solemn moments, in your dreams and when ever you think of that person.

 SELF- HEALING

We keep burying emotional hurts into the deepest crevices of our hearts and only address them when they become unbearable. At this point we think of going to a therapist who directs us back to our own efforts!

So self-healing is the only answer and that too requires a huge effort:

• Keep the thoughts of hurts away by engaging in meaningful tasks.
• If you must think, try to analyze why you were hurt and who is responsible.
• There is no harm in admitting if you are the cause. It will help in keeping your mind clear of all the clutter.
• Accept the fact that the person who has hurt you is no longer attached to you; he or she doesn’t care about your feelings.
• It is better to detach yourself.
• Be Positive. Respect yourself.
• Forgive and forget. Forgiveness is the first step to self-healing.

It is very painful to detach, I know. That is why probably, time is given the greatest credit but in reality, only self-efforts have the healing power.

Try the following tips:

 Talk to yourself: Self- talking is a very powerful tool in our hands. Let the talk go on and on, don’t try to give it a direction. Let the positive and negative thoughts flow on. When they exhaust themselves, then sift through your thoughts and pick up the positive ones to convince yourself that it is not your fault.

It is just a phase: Accept that you are just going through a bad phase. Everybody has to. You don’t have any control over the circumstances but you can control the damage, which the present situation might do to your mental and emotional health.

Keep yourself busy: If you have work, bury yourself in that. It will keep you away from the depressive thoughts for a while. In case you don’t have a regular routine to keep yourself busy, read a good book, visit a friend, go and meet somebody whose company gives you relief and comfort.

Share your thoughts: Don’t conceal emotional wounds. When you speak out your mind, half of the burden wears off. You can discuss your anxieties and fears with a person you trust, a friend or your mother or sister, whosoever you are comfortable with. It gives immense relief and you will feel lighter.

Cry your heart out: As you share your feelings, let the tears flow. They bring about catharsis and have an amazing healing power. The pain of your heart will melt away for the time being. Let all the thoughts of regret, guilt and forgiveness visit you again and again and let them flow away.

Pour your heart out: Write down all your thoughts, the remorse and the censure and your answers to all the questions that are troubling you. It will give you a strange self- satisfaction and self-healing.

Listen to good music: Good music is a great healing balm; it takes us out of our situation and provides a soothing touch to our heart and soul. “For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.” – Reba McEntire

Have faith in yourself. Self- therapy requires great determination to push aside your anguish and have immense faith in your efforts.

Can hurts ever be forgotten?

We try to deny them in our mind. We tell ourselves that they don’t matter to us but emotional wounds get deeper if we don’t acknowledge them.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this post, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.