These thoughts erupted with volcanic speed when I looked at Sue Vincent’s photo prompt. My scheduled post had to wait!
Balroop Singh.
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Conflicts In Relationships – The Untold Story Of Emotions
I have yet to come across a person who could say ‘I have never faced any conflict in relationships.’ Disagreements and disillusionments are as natural as breathing. Even the relationship of siblings, which is based on emotional memories they gathered and the love they shared since childhood, gets warped by circumstances, choices and people who influence their lives.
The loving relationship of a brother and sister gets frayed the moment they fall in love or choose a partner, who becomes more important, who controls their life, who wants all the attention and love and who considers any other family member an intruder. It happens with their relationship with parents too.
We all know this truth but never accept or discuss it. We pretend all is well. The chasm gets wider with the passage of time and smarter partners start calling you a member of extended family! You need their permission to visit their home, you have to learn diplomacy to deal with your own loving relationships, you have to say all pleasant words and even innocent remarks get misinterpreted.
We learn pretentions, we have to become hypocritical, greet each other with fake smiles and kind words even when our emotions are in a volcanic state.
While conflicts lead to healthy relationships, they can throttle us if they are not addressed at the appropriate time.
Some people don’t confront the conflicts, brush them into the corners and never ask any questions. Probably they are scared of shattering the superficial peace that seems to exist in their house, which never becomes a home. Their relationship issues keep smoldering.
Some don’t have a choice and therefore accept it as their life, become mute spectators to their rights being trampled and become doormats. They learn to suppress their emotions and convince themselves that their wishes and desires are superfluous. They take pleasure in pleasing their family members and dwell in self-made graves.
Some start ignoring the conflicts, make their own choices and find happiness in whatever is available around them. If they happen to be financially independent, they find solace in their work. They drift away from each other and their relationships never grow.
When insensitivity creeps into relationships, when feelings and emotions are not shared, they create an unknown wedge between relationships. They breed anger and angst and there is no limit to these negative emotions.
Non-communication can lead to serious rifts and it is one of the major reasons of drifting apart. Emotions need an outlet, a channel that makes them flow spontaneously.
Emotional outbursts are better than carrying an emotional baggage.
Repressed emotions are like a volcano and silence becomes a lid for them. I am sure you can understand what happens when a volcano bursts!
All relationships are valuable; all of them are brittle and have to be handled astutely.
‘Relationship’ is a very wide term…it is not just a connection between two persons, which immediately comes to your mind when you hear this term.
The most precious relationship begins in the womb…a motherly binding that you experience the moment you feel the sensation of that small movement of your baby.
Relationships connect us not just by blood or marriage; they also refer to the emotional binding between people, family members, teachers and students, business partners and clients etc.
“There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.”—Mitch Albom
You may like to read more about emotions and relationships and how to handle the conflicts.
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Balroop Singh.
I Am With You!
On the wings of freedom
Soaring higher than the clouds
If you could divest those earthly shrouds
To embrace this evanescent experience
I am with you.
Together we quit the foolish faction
That takes pleasure in strife and command
In search of our own lustrous land
Far from those who create craters
Trust is our anchor.
You may call it escapism
But we fly for love, for peace
Away from this chaotic crease
Carrying the silent message of breeze
Embracing echoes within.
The symphony of surroundings
The harmony of sounds merge our identities
All shadows of fear dissolve themselves
Positive vibes illuminate our domain
A new dawn beckons.
© Balroop Singh
Thanks to Sue Vincent for the inspiration and Wings #writephoto.
You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.
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The Reward #Writephoto
Someone sat at the door sniggering
I could never knock at
Emotions fluttered for freedom
Feet followed yet entrenched
In darkness, with closed eyes
I dared forward
Your presence pried over my mettle
A grunting sound scared me
I knew that sound
Yes! I told myself – this is familiar
I waited, fear throttled me
Could it be you!
You… who abandoned me
In the woods we wanted to explore
Together we started
Yet alone, staring at each other!
Wilderness beyond…
As your eyes signify
Scowling with a devilish expression
I wish you could have cared
I wish you could understand
Belongingness is a basic human instinct
Rejection has its own rewards
Yours is well deserved!
© Balroop Singh
Thanks to Sue Vincent for the inspiration and #writephoto
You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more poems.
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When I Met Death…
It was not a perceptual experience or a hallucination nor any feeling of detachment from the body; it was the sensation of being aware that ‘this is the end’…‘its all over.’
There were no questions, no anxiety, no eagerness to save myself; only a strange numbness and acceptance and a refrain ‘its all over.’
Another thought – Oh! My new car…probably this thought hit me before the numbness; not sure.
This was not what researchers call ‘Near-death experience’, according to which there is an awareness of being dead, peace and painlessness surrounded by positive emotions.
Let me reconstruct that moment for you. Intoxicated by the exuberance of youth and the arrogance of driving a new car, one morning when I was going to work, the speed of my car was nearly 80 (I was living in Delhi at that point of time) and it happened to touch the central curb…I don’t know how, probably the demon of driving turned the wheel. He had whispered into my ear a number of times to drive within a safe driving speed but who takes the advice of demons or even well wishers?
Obviously my car flew away and landed after three somersaults. I went completely numb, with only one thought in my mind: Oh… it’s all over!
It was early morning and the traffic was very light at the freeway.
I was amazed at the impact! How could I escape unhurt, just with a few bruises and blood at my face? How could I request the onlookers who offered to take me to hospital to drop me near my home? How could I walk home myself with a bleeding lip and hand? That was the day I started believing in miracles.
All fears evaporated as I had met the ultimate fear. The desires of acquiring material possessions waned considerably. All arrogance melted when I saw my new car in shambles and people refused to believe it had absorbed all the impact. My husband refused to believe that it had somersaulted three times! My mom told me it was the iron used in the car, which could be lucky for me!
This miraculous escape taught me:
- Life doesn’t happen as we plan, it is more like a bubble. It can burst any time, live it with abandon.
- Take out your favorite crystal glasses and use them everyday for whatever drinks you enjoy.
- Plan that dream vacation right now as, tomorrow may never come.
- Communicate what lies in your heart; unexpressed emotions may go with you into your grave any day.
- Face your fears. The power of all fears recede when we learn to encounter them.
- Learn to forgive. The moment we forgive, we feel confident and powerful. It develops and validates our goodness and compassion.
- This fiercely competitive, engulfing world may be waiting to devour us but we have to approach it with calmness.
- Success does not just mean a lot of money and power or the house of your dreams. It is living a meaningful life.
- Savor little moments of joy everyday.
- Feel the gratitude for this blessing called life, which can be snatched any moment.
- Laugh out louder and learn to love people around you.
I was humbled by this experience, I changed, I came back happier, with deeper love for my family and friends. I have lived the bonus years granted to me, with profound gratitude… “For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.” – Khalil Gibran.
Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.
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Balroop Singh.
