Understanding Negativity and Negative Thoughts

Negativity

A dear family member has not returned home on time. His phone is not responding. The weather is pretty bad and you have to attend a family gathering. You don’t want to be late but you are worried. What is the first thought that crosses your mind?

Is it negative? I am sure it is, as human brain seems to be wired for negativity in such circumstances. Positive emotions have to be cultivated but negative ones are innate; they are our natural armor. However hard you try to shove them, they keep cropping up.

Negative thoughts rule our life, as negative energy travels faster; people are more interested in negative aspects of a colleague or an acquaintance and they take pleasure in being judgmental. Even school children enjoy gossip and criticism and vent it out in the form of bullying or unruly behavior.

Fear, loss, failure govern our thoughts when we make some major decisions. We talk to ourselves in a negative tone, we start believing that we were at fault and failure affects us deeply.

Why are people negative?

  • They have been hurt at an impressionable age
  • Their hurts could be deep-rooted
  • They hold others responsible for their behavior
  • They have never tried to emerge out of the shadows
  • Fears dominate their thoughts
  • They could be internally insecure
  • They don’t like to introspect

Upbringing plays a major part in forming your thoughts. If people around you lack positivity, have faced too many setbacks in life and are all the time struggling to keep up appearances, you are bound to pick up those vibes. You learn to grapple with the thorns on your path by carrying a tough exterior.

Lack of love in childhood affects emotions in a negative manner. When a child doesn’t get a positive nudge and has to depend on his own feelings, he weaves a protective web around himself. One failure defines his efforts for him, one rejection seems like the end of the road and he learns to blame others. As an adult, his self-defense is negativity.

Negative peoplePeer group exerts significant pressure on us. Social development and true friendships are formed at a young age but rejection; bullying and negative attitude of peer group could hurt your self-esteem. It may lead to the loss of faith in the goodness of humanity. Negative interactions leave a lasting impact on the psyche of those who feel rejected.

What you read, the kind of books you were exposed to builds your perspective. Early impressions tend to stay and you veer toward negative reading – books about ghosts, monsters and villainous creatures become your favorites. You may define life in the same way. You wear a façade of contentment and happiness but could be bitter inside.

Criticism nurtures negativity, as it gives a wrong message to the listener. It is an attack on self-esteem, makes him think he is “no good.” If you were criticized during your developmental years, you tend to grab negativity unknowingly. Negative traits get entrenched in the personality.

Negative emotions too could be beneficial but only if we understand them and are ready to introspect. Read more: How Negative Thoughts Can Be Beneficial For Our Personality.

How do you handle your negative thoughts? Do you know such a person?

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Balroop Singh.

Do you think you are a good person? Would you like to meet your better self? Click here to know more.

This is also Love!

Love is a sublime emotion, which is only understood when we have crossed the pitfalls of infatuation; when we stop gazing at its dazzling light; when we learn to look within and when it has taught us its value. I have written about it many times. Here is an excerpt from one of my poems:

“True love keeps smiling in our eyes
Like a fountain that never dries
It instills hope, respect, patience
The journey of love is so elating.”
© Balroop Singh

Recently I stumbled upon a book of poetry that acquainted me with another aspect of LOVE; not because it came back (which is so rare) but because it validated my belief that I have shared in the opening lines.

71A6gYNJjwL._AC_SL260_This poetry was written when the poet was a youngster. It made no sense to cling to those painful memories, so she abandoned it in some dark corner of the house to move forward. Many years later, her dad found the original script and gave it to her. That’s how these poems saw the light of the day to enlighten many minds. Eeva Lancaster shares the story of her life in the introductory part of this book.

The good news is that her love came back to her after 10 years!

MY REVIEW:

In Loving You – A Journey of Love and Self Discovery by Eeva Lancaster highlights that love is not just elation, not just the ecstasy of holding each other to soak in the blissful moments; it is heartbreaking too, it drives you almost crazy, pushing you into the shadows with “ghost” like existence. Emotionally charged and realistic, these poems bring out profound realities of relationships – anguish, yearning, heartbreak, loneliness, and emptiness – each emotion has been exquisitely captured by Eeva. The passion of a youngster shines through her verses.

Isn’t it ironic that love, the most powerful emotion acquaints you with the “beauty of surrender,” makes you feel like “a reed so soft and bending!” Some poems inspire to move on, conveying a subtle message that clinging on to somebody who doesn’t acknowledge your love is futile. If we could peep through the drapes of present, if we could escape the pain – an essential part of life – we would cease to be emotional and creative. Eeva’s poetry suggests that the journey toward self-discovery lies through cauldrons of circumstances, which may smile at you at a later stage. I salute this brave poet for sharing the story of her life.

© Balroop Singh

Check my latest book release: Moments We Love

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Powerful Poetry : A Review of ‘Roads’

I have a separate page for the books I review but once in a while when some book touches me deeply, I post the review at the main page. As I clicked on the last page of Roads, I thought if a debut book is so good, sky is not the limit for these two budding poets!

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Amazon link

‘Roads: A Journey With Verses’ by Vandana Bhasin and Smitha Vishwanath is a brilliant collection of poems that talk about life, love and the paths that mold us, values that mentor us, and pay a tribute to the persons who hold our hand through turbulent times to make our journey smoother.

In perfect sync with each other, Smitha’s tenderness is complemented by the exquisite style of Vandana who lashes out at societal norms that fetter us to the threshold, trying to slash our wings to compress us into compartments. Bold and chilling, her poems question the dogma, the exploitation and injustice that have been meekly accepted in the name of parochial diktats. Raising voice against subjugation, she calls upon shedding “the mask” and “darn the rules.”

One of my favorites, ‘Writer vs. Woman’ validates the power that lies dormant within the so-called fragile woman who proudly declares: “Do I need a better armor when words are my defense?” Realism percolates through their words as they capture a thousand emotions with élan. ‘Miss You When You’re Gone’ touches the most precious memories of letting go and breaking free from the stifling love that lingers despite the pride of watching our children soar toward the horizon of their choice. All mothers could relate to the pangs embedded within the words of Smitha.

For a person like me who values emotions and relationships, these poems are heart-warming. Along with tender moments of nurturing love and trust, self-belief, determination and courage stand out to reassure that there is no need to be swayed by the age-old traditions of embracing the defined roles. These poems would tug at your heart; stirring a thousand moments that stand and smile at you, reiterating that roads of life may be arduous yet shimmer with hope and happiness.
© Balroop Singh

This review has also been posted at Amazon.com and Goodreads.

You can click here for more poetry.

Check my latest book release: Moments We Love

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Balroop Singh.

Gathering Bliss

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Those days that are special
Days we cherish
Days that take us back
Into the limber labyrinth of life

Myriad moments come alive
Reviving everlasting memories
Each day reinforces relationships
And bonding that is eternal

I basked in their glory
Revisiting those moments
Savoring smiles of loved ones
Love that has stood the test of time

Garbed in childhood bliss
Reminiscing only the delight
I gathered gossamer grains
Of time, twinkling just for a while.
© Balroop Singh

You can click here for more poetry.

Check my latest book release: Moments We Love

Thank you for your support. If  you have liked this poem, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

Is it Good to Influence?

Master with puppet

Whenever we try to persuade a person to change his behavior, way of thinking or decisions, we cast the nets of influence on him. Some people do it with love, others with manipulation.

I think none of us can escape them as they are a part of our life, people connected with us in one way or the other. We don’t realize till a particular age, whether being influenced is the right approach. We don’t even know that somebody is trying to influence us.

We agree to follow, out of love, respect or admiration and slowly it becomes our habit. By the time we start resenting the influence, our core beliefs and values are already ingrained in us.

So what we become is, many times, the influence of our parents, teachers, siblings and peers. A lot of people live under the shadow of these influences all their life.

If we try to wriggle out, it is with immense effort and that might affect our dearest relationships.

Is it good to influence?

Most of the synonyms of influence are negative: clout, control, domination, pressure.

“There is no such thing as a good influence. Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions.”—Oscar Wilde.

Before arriving at any such definite conclusion, lets consider why do people influence:Personality

  • To win love or trust.
  • To wield their power or control.
  • To show their supremacy.
  • To intimidate.
  • To inculcate values.
  • To emphasize on their culture.

Love?

Friends, let me tell you very candidly that if you get influenced out of love and if you are ready to dance to the tunes of your partner or spouse because you love him/her, such love can never be real love. Love does not demand, it gives. It lets you ‘be’.

Trust?

Trust too can never be won by exerting influence, it is built bit by bit, it doesn’t just loom out of nowhere, it is won through unconditional love, love which doesn’t burden or force to follow a particular path just because somebody wants you to.

Control!

How do they manage to influence? They play with your emotions, pretend love and manipulate you so cleverly that you fail to see their wiles. Obviously, they are trying to control your way of thinking, restrict your activities and hover around you.

Supremacy!

When they want you to do what they like all the time, it is very clear that they try to establish their supremacy. Such people change your personality completely with their surreptitious ways before you realize it. Then there may be no turning back.

Intimidation!

There are such influencers too; who intimidate you into believing and doing what they think is right. Whether it is done with fabricated love or threats, any such influence, which smothers our opinion or coerces us to follow is repressive.

Values?

When you start living under the shadow of somebody, you lose your own personality and your own passions. In traditional and conservative societies, Influencers get an additional argument to impose their despotic views in the name of upholding their values and culture.

Only those who are insecure try to influence others but they wear a mask of tenacity.

Those with weak emotions, tender heart and kind demeanor can be easily influenced with a little potion of love.

Indecisive persons too get influenced effortlessly. Many times they become puppets in the hands of those whom they believe to be their well-wishers.

My own personality, which was molded by the furnace of time and circumstances, strengthened by the touchstone of varied experiences, has changed a bit due to the benevolence and graciousness of people around me but I have never felt trapped in the nets of influence. However, good influence is dwindling.

Do you know such influencers? Have you ever been influenced? Do you like it? I would love to hear all the answers.
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©Balroop Singh