Seven Secrets Of Arrogance


Arrogance is the big brother of ego; she likes him, pampers him and lets him have his own way. The overbearing pride that he carries around him keeps him in his own world of illusion.

A random statement of my friend who felt – almost everybody is arrogant shook me and I tried to analyze. Starting with my own personality, I realized how much arrogance I had shed, to change myself.

We all possess a certain amount of ego and to put it more mildly, we call it self- esteem. We can’t tolerate even a little bit of shove till we learn to live with the realization that feeling superior is a human trait, a way of the world.

“Young people are arrogant because they always associate with their own peers, those who are all really nothing but who would like to be very important.”—Friedrich Nietzsche.

Are you Arrogant? – a checklist:arrogance-300x300

  • You judge people, without actually knowing them.
  • You think you are more talented, more successful.
  • You think you are always right.
  • You like to be your own boss.
  • You like to discuss your own achievements.
  • You are a bad and impatient listener.
  • You find pleasure in domineering.
  • You like to assert your view on others.
  • You look down upon humble and gentle people.

If the answer to even half of the above statements is true, you can be considered arrogant. Don’t worry, you can change yourself, if you wish to.

It is only when we associate with all kinds of people, when we face the harsh realities of life, when we come to know how big the attitudes can be… that we try to tame down our own ego.

We don’t want to be the same kind of persons, we detest!

Ego also gets humbled by the experiences of life, by the unforeseen turbulences, by the behavior of your own dear friends and siblings.

However, some people never try self-analysis, they don’t accept that they are arrogant. They secretly nurse their imperfections and put up a brave front.

1. Arrogant people put up a charade of being strong:

I got an opportunity of peeping into the hearts of such people who think they possess the best brains and can wield their power and authority to intimidate others. Actually they are very weak at heart, they get easily hurt, they hardly have the forbearance to hear even a difference of opinion.

2. They like to control through bullying:

They think bullying can easily scare others and rightly so. Some weak and even mentally strong persons accept subservience due to circumstances or their own compulsions, which reassures the arrogant bullies that they are the bosses and they can accomplish everything through superciliousness.

3. They are emotionally imbalanced:

Arrogance of thoughts and feelings greatly hampers the development of emotional quotient. They don’t believe in emotional attachments, as they don’t want to lose control over others…even their own emotional anchors. They refrain from showing their emotions and therefore their love never comes to the surface.

4. They are very lonely:

Such people pretend to have a lot of friends and even like to surround themselves, all the time with them but they know in their heart of hearts the loneliness, which they face, which they never share with anybody. It is this loneliness, which converts them into bullies. More than hatred, they need our compassion.

5. Aggression and anger are their weapons:

They get easily provoked and can get very aggressive. Anger is their favorite weapon, which they can use very effectively to frighten their victims. They don’t like to give any opportunity to anybody around them to clarify their position. They pounce upon them and can even get physical.

6. Self-love rules them:

They are very self-centered; their obsession of becoming the best and acquiring everything they want, rules their hearts. They never grow out of adolescent self-love. They are very insecure about their closest relationships and don’t like to give them even the basic freedom of expression. They are so much immersed in self-love that the desires and cravings of the other person seem insignificant to them.

7. They feign happiness:

Do you think such people can be happy? They appear to be, as they socialize a lot and like to make a lot of friends but soon all of them see through their behavior and their real self stands exposed. Real happiness eludes them as they leave many emotional scars behind and move ahead, without addressing them.


“The arrogance of men never ceases to amaze me. You all think everything has to do with you, and every woman has to desire you.”—Robert Jordan

Do you know arrogant people? Do you like them? How do you deal with them? I would love to hear your views.

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Balroop Singh.

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27 thoughts on “Seven Secrets Of Arrogance

  1. Really good post and I steer a wide path around both arrogance and arrogant people, Balroop! I consider myself to be very humble and that in my book is one part of a good foundation that starts in a person 🙂

    1. Hi Mike,

      Thanks for the encouragement you provide with your words, it is greatly valued.
      How true! A good foundation lies at the base of a humble and kind demeanor. I can see your humility through your posts and benevolent gestures. I am so glad that you have taken out time to read and comment on a topic, which most people would call negative! I feel this kind of article can help them understand their true self.

  2. I vacillate between sometimes arrogance and silliness, and crumbling insecurity. But I was pleased not to be able to check even half of the items on your list (wait, is that arrogant? 😉 )

    A good post – very thought provoking.

    1. Hi Lizzi,

      Welcome to my blog and thank you for the kind words. I am glad you could connect with the check list and found it too harsh!

      I believe if you are aware of your insecurities and your leanings towards such emotions, you are much safer from the fire of arrogance that can slowly consume us.
      Thanks for expressing your view so candidly, I appreciate it.

      1. Yes – I guess there’s something powerful to be said for awareness…that helps, actually, because if I know what it looks like to be arrogant, I can avoid those behaviours. THANK you 😀

  3. HI Balroop, i prefer not be around arrogant people but having practiced law, i think that was a tough thing to do. Despite dealing with arrogant people, we still have the choice on how to react to them. The work to deal with arrogant people may be more of an internal one. We are not going to be able to stop arrogant people from being arrogant. For example, they’re not likely going to want to hear it. lol instead our other option is checking our own arrogance and finding coping mechanisms to walk around the arrogant people in our lives.

    1. Hi Vishnu,

      I have seen arrogance from very close quarters, it is just not possible to interact with them because they belittle you and let you down at every step to show their power! They can even manipulate your good gestures and kind words to turn people against you. All that positive talk and be good fails when they are around.
      The best way is to keep them at arms length, that is what I learnt with experience.

      Thank you for adding your perspective to the discussion, it is greatly valued.

  4. Hi Balroop,

    Guess I am on the right path. I like being my own boss, but at the same time I do know that others my be able to teach me something that I may not know. I am always up for learning.
    ” More than hatred, they need our compassion.” Totally agree with this. I feel sorry for them, because it appears they have friends, but they never keep the same friend and always have to find new ones, since the old ones get tired of the attitude and move one.
    My ex was like this, so of course good relationships never work out for them or last. And yes from that experience I can say they do and are bullies.
    Great post and I have learned to stay away from them.

    1. Hi Debbie,

      I am so glad that you have learnt to keep a distance from such people but we learn slowly, after getting frustrated with their manipulations and bullying attitude. Even compassion doesn’t help them because they feel they don’t need it! So for them, it is very pathetic as they keep themselves away from help…they would drown, but never ask for help! I used to feel sorry for them but no longer so, I prefer to snap my ties from them. Yes, I got tired of their attitude.

      I have dealt with another aspect of arrogance in my earlier post: How Arrogance can Harm…
      Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I am so grateful to you for your support.

  5. It’s interesting since I would use self love as a good thing, but you are using it as self centered-ness. I get it that that is the central problem with arogant people. I would argue that this is compensation since they do not love themselves at all.

    1. Hi Jodi,

      Self-love is good till a particular level. When it turns into ego and then goes beyond the danger levels, it is no longer self-love! You don’t seem to have seen arrogance…so lucky! You can interpret it both ways: either they love themselves too much and want attention only on them, all the time or you can say – they don’t know what is love.

      Thanks for expressing a very kind view about arrogance.

  6. Hi Balroop! I agree with Jodie’s comment that self-love is essential–but as you say when it turns to arrogance it gets problematic. I don’t personally think of ego as bad, in and of itself. It is only when it is out of control and again arrogant, that it gets distorted. I tend to think of ego as just my sense of myself, and if that gets too inflated or self absorbed then I have obviously forgotten my connection with everyone else. Thanks for your little quiz–I think I passed! 🙂

    1. Hi Kathy,

      We tend to have our own understanding where ego is concerned. I was called an egoist by my colleagues before they came closer, to know me well and realised that it was my way of talking and walking that gave an impression. I would call that an eye-opener experience because I started making a conscious effort to look more friendly.

      Thanks for sharing your perspective, I appreciate it immensely.

  7. Hi Balroop,

    Well I can definitely say I’m not arrogant and I also don’t really hang around anyone who is. I just seem to attract the right people to me and none of them have those particular qualities.

    They do say to hang around with the people who can help you move forward so that’s where I focus most of my relationships. I’m always learning and growing. I think that those who are more arrogant just have huge egos and aren’t even aware of that. Okay, maybe some are but they just don’t care.

    As always, great explanation of this particular topic.


    1. Hi Adrienne,

      It is so nice that you don’t have any arrogant people around you. Nobody wants to… but you never know when they cross your path and it becomes very difficult to avoid them. I had to deal with a few of them but it seems I have gained a lot from them. It is due to that interaction that I know them so well to give that explanation of their traits!

      Life’s experiences never go in vain and rightly has somebody said that we learn from all kinds of people…’bad people give you experience,worst people give you lesson.’
      Thank you for sharing your experiences, greatly valued. Have a great weekend!

  8. I have fallen into some of these categories, but I am also mindful of this attitude. I DO NOT want to be like this- & I DEF. do not want to be w/ people who are like this.

    It’s actually a wake up call for all of us, whom I believe, can slip into this kind of behavior.

    It is not acceptable or pretty. Especially, people who judge others as LESS than they are.

    Great post. xx

    1. Hi Kim,

      It is a great relief that you are mindful of the pitfalls of arrogance. Sometimes we tend to slip into such kind of behavior due to circumstances or people around us but it is better to make amends than blame somebody. Eventually people judge us for what we are, not what kind of influence we had to bear.

      Thank you for an honest opinion. I am glad that it makes us aware of the kind of people we don’t want to become.

  9. Hello Balroop,
    I am an introvert, who rarely comments but always reads your posts and I found this thoughtful post triggered a desire to provide some feedback.

    I did not read this post in the context of labeling others and I’m sure you did not intend it to be read with that biased slant. That’s because the presumption that we can spot a character fault in others doesn’t mean we share it with them is the exact reverse of the truth, and we both know that.

    A child has no life experience and is ego-driven and self centered. All dearly beloved self-confident children tend to be somewhat arrogant, because they have yet to escape the bonds of narcissism and judgmental-ism, and because their ego is also bolstered by the pride their parents take in their accomplishments. It takes years to learn humility practice self-love and some never make that transition.

    If and when any individual actually comes to know their own true nature through awakening, then they likewise know the true nature of others and they will stop put away the thoughts, speech and actions of childhood, for they will comprehend the harm they do to themselves and to others when arrogance manifests. If they don’t awaken and witness their own true nature, then they remain in a childish state.

    I am not the sort of person who embraces the notion of eliminating so-called difficult people from my life. A difficult person is a suffering person, who is not easy to be with, and we often fail to recognize that when seen through other eyes, we too are difficult people. (Yes, I have blogged on this subject.)

    I recognize that I am most assuredly a difficult person, who was raised by one of the most difficult people one could’ve ever been born to and raised by, and I give thanks for that every day.


    Having to cope with my mother’s ego-based arrogant suffering helped me to both grow up and to grow strong in a way that being the daughter of a doting mother could not have done. In part, I attribute my awakening to being my mother’s eldest daughter, because if I had not had to cope with her suffering, while raising my siblings for her, I may have never learned how to meditate, how to practice patience, and how to be calmly and confidently assertive, without becoming aggressive.

  10. Hi timethief,

    I am so glad to hear from you. I am also an introvert but not where writing is concerned. I love to write and always respond to messages and comments. I am happy to know that you found this post so thoughtful that it has nudged you to share your thoughts.

    You are so right, I am not having any bias in my mind for those who behave in an arrogant manner. I know they must have picked up arrogance from their environment, from the upbringing they had to go through or the people who didn’t treat them well. While I have compassion for them in my heart, i wish they could know how they hurt others with their behavior.

    I am amazed at your understanding of the topic and how children have that streak of self-love… [I have written on Self Love too, you can dig the Archives to read it.] unless they get the right kind of guidance and balanced mothering. I too have faced difficult people and some of them became so unbearable that I had to abandon them.

    Thanks for sharing your perspective. It holds immense value for me.

  11. I am sure we all can be a bit like this sometime. And it’s good to spot it and decide to change our attitude. I was very judgmental of others when i was younger. I was sure to be the one with the right idea on everything. And then I grew up, life taught me many things. I lived 4 years with a very arrogant man, self centered and so sure he was right all the time, that I was left feeling not worthy, never enough. I realized I would never want to be like him.
    We all have our flaws. When we see that something is not right for us, we should try to become better. Arrogant people should be helped (if they are ready for the change), as some of them, don’t see that they are hurting themselves and others.

    Thank you for this interesting post Balroop. We always learn great things when stopping by your blog. And I feel like your posts make us think and reflect about our life,emotions and feelings.
    Stay well and blessed dear.

  12. Hi Marie,

    Thank you for conveying your view, I am so pleased to know that you found this post interesting and helpful. It means a lot to me. The feedback of such readers like you keeps me motivated to share all kind of experiences and a word of appreciation goes a long way in understanding that I am able to contribute something positive.

    You are right…life teaches us, steels us and it is good that it lets us take our own decisions, whenever the need arises. I am glad you could abandon arrogance around you because those who don’t move ahead at the right time, keep getting entangled into the web of such men who always feed on the compassion, whether they deserve it or not!

    Thanks for sharing the experience of your life. It always helps in easing the baggage of the past.

  13. I think we all have arrogant tendencies. It’s just part of being human, and it can take a great deal of effort to recognize those traits in ourselves. Then it becomes even more of a journey to consciously work on addressing them.

    1. Yep, I agree! May be it gets passed on through our genes! What I like though is the effort we make to become humble and better when we realise how such people get disliked!
      Thanks for sharing your view, Jeri, always appreciated!

  14. Hi Balroop,
    I did read this when you published it. I’m glad I came back to enjoy the comments from various perspectives. Your watch list is very much needed for people who may not even realize their own level of ignorance and/or arrogance. I think a healthy level of self-love is needed to enhance and optimize our lives, but too much unbalances the weights in favor of ego. Have a blessed week!

    1. Hi Bill,

      Yes, the discussion has been amazing! Actually this post has been inspired from my earlier post on the same topic, which seems to be widely read through Google search. Since I had kept it short and open ended, I felt I could say much more about arrogance, which has been hovering around me since childhood and I know it so well.

      I have seen self love degenerating into arrogance, that’s why probably my post on self-love too exhibits darker hues. It is is unbalance of self love that leads us to ego.
      Thanks for the revisit and add your perspective! I value each one of it.

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