Whosoever invented arranged marriages didn’t have love or sex in mind, as both appear to be more attractive outside a marriage.
An arranged marriage is much more than that…it is a life time commitment through thick and thin, it is like wading into deep waters, knowing well that we may drown if we lose the focus, it is accepting the obligations of not only taking care of the progenies but also the parents of each other and their relatives.
The cultural encumbrances of such a marriage may frustrate you at times but nobody ever thinks of walking out over trivial issues.
All this and much more is revealed in Vishnu’s book.
This post has been inspired from my dearest friend Vishnu’s latest book – ‘Arranged Marriage.’
Marriage may be an ‘over-rated institution’ but all enter into it to taste the bittersweet fruit that it offers.
Why not plan it – asks Vishnu!
Why not give the responsibility of arranging it into the hands of experienced gurus, grandmothers and aunts, who only think of your welfare and happiness.
Vishnu delves deep into the seriousness of marriage as a sacred bond, which can last forever if we tread carefully.
He is immensely focused in this book and presents a superb case for arranged marriages, without actually forcing them down your throat.
He discusses the pros and cons of such a marriage, which is more a union of two families than two persons.
If you wonder how others can prove to be more successful in choosing the right partner for you, then this book is surely for you!
If you have dismissed arranged marriages as obsolete, retrogressive and stifling, then you must read a fresh modern perspective it presents.
You must read it even if you have migrated oversees but would like to pass on your culture and your traditions to your next generation.
This book can be very interesting and informative for those who don’t have any idea about Indian weddings, which are planned most meticulously.
Though I know an arranged marriage very well, having gone through this roller coaster ride most successfully, I still enjoyed reading this book as it incorporates subtle humor to bring out certain solemn details. Despite that, the author does not make fun of any of the age-old traditions, which dissuade many a young couple to go in for an arranged marriage.
This book also took me down the memory lane…
I am reminded of a story, which was a part of high school supplementary reader, and after reading it each year, we had to discuss the basis of marriage.
The youngsters, at the brink of discovering what is love, enjoyed this discussion the most and would come out with the most incredible arguments. Most of them would justify marrying for love and looks. They wanted a free choice, didn’t want to involve a third person and live for love!
Culture and tradition was thrown to the winds at that stage of life and I would always conclude… ‘it is good law doesn’t permit teenage marriage.’
Once the youngsters grow up into mature individuals, they laugh away their adolescent dreams and beliefs and marry, quite willingly according to their parents’ wishes.
There is no magic wand for a successful marriage. It all depends on your own commitment, forbearance and patience.
Arranged marriage ensures the cultivation of all these virtues to come up to the expectations of family, society and cultural norms.
Fawn Weaver must be having an arranged marriage in mind when he said, “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” There cannot be a better analogy than this for an arranged marriage, which matures with time, goes through various stages, sheds its worn out leaves and thrives on hope that fall brings.
I hope you have enjoyed the analysis of this book. There could be another perspective. I would be eager to hear that.
You can grab a free copy at Amazon.com
To pick up Vishnu’s book, Arranged Marriage: Run to the Altar or Run for Your Life, click here. It’s available free on July 20th and July 21st, 2015.
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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.
Balroop Singh.
Emotional Shadows 
Marriage is an institution like all other things in life, we cannot assume one thing, it has to reflect multiple things…there cannot be only good and there cannot be only bad, the combination has to co-exist in our life. Though all of us dislike the same state and want our state to keep constantly changing, but all changes are not as per our liking.
We all want new things in life and we love being in love but it not always easy to maintain and sustain the high decibel of love we have in the initial period of our association, it is human nature to change and but the arrangement we have in marriage is non-negotiable and we have to adhere to its boundaries and conditions we vow, it is a commitment in marriage which we just cannot break, it is a life time commitment,earlier it was easy to join the institution as aspirations was low and options in life was limited but today things have changed radically and the framework of marriage has remained the same…it has to adopt to the new aspirations and wider feelings of today’s generation.
Arranged marriage has its own advantage, when we are left with no option but it is its own disadvantage as it just not the union of two people, it is an union of two families and many things outside the two person govern the success and failure of the marriage.
Love and arrangement has to go hand and hand in hand, as only arrangement or only love can suffice the need to make the institution as success.
😀
Hi Nihar,
Thank you for sharing your insights about marriage and arranged marriage. While I agree with you that love and arrangement should move hand in hand, the old concept of arranging a marriage has been evolving ever since its conception. There was a time when even the consent of the couple was not considered essential and they were not allowed to see each other even once! It may seem incredible but my marriage was arranged before I could see the groom and when I expressed the desire to see whom I was going to marry, I was told…’ok you can see but you can’t say no!!’ And I don’t think I belong to antiquity!
Now the youngsters are smart enough to get a love marriage converted into an arranged one to reap the benefits and passing on all the expenses to their parents. But at the same time, such marriages are happening only in urban areas. Lets not forget that majority of marriages are still in the hands of families and communities. There are still such parents who tell their daughters that they are ‘paraya dhan’ ( somebody else’s wealth) and their real home is the one into which they marry!
The system of arranged marriages is one of the best features of Indian culture. Like thousands of people, I have also been through it and I continue to experience its salutary effects. Even an arranged marriage starts kicking off only after the girl and boy has met and signified their mutual acceptance. There are any number of nay sayers who deride arranged marriage questioning as to how anyone can decide on a life partner just after a brief meeting in a very formal set up. But experience points out that the feeling of acceptance or otherwise arising in the moment of truth from a short meeting is good enough going by the multitude of successful matrimonial relationships flowering around it. In spite of all its positives, it is doubtful whether the system of arranged marriages will survive into the future, given its declining acceptability among the younger generation. It will be interesting to see how these conventions evolve in the next fifty years…best wishes.
Hi Raj,
Thank you for endorsing arranged marriages! Persons like you can convince their children very well about the cultural significance and success of such marriages.
Even a brief meeting in a formal set up can send the right vibes, which seems to be the crux of arranged marriage. Rest all depends on commitment and it has to be cultivated. No marriage can be successful without acceptance and compromises by both the partners.
I am not at all sceptical about its survival. It has been evolving and will continue to do so. Even the youngsters of today have adapted the good aspects, eliminating the oppressive ones. Look at the statistics, they speak volumes about this tradition and the onus lies on the shoulders of the younger generation to sift through the virtuous parts of this kind of marriage.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, highly appreciated.
Marriage is a commitment, and sadly many forget that these days. While culturally, most of my acquaintances do not have arranged weddings I do some who do. Of the arranged marriages of which I am aware, they seem quite happy with the exception of one which dissolved shortly,
Yes Suzi, when we forget the responsibilities and claim only the pleasures, the consequences have to be negative. Most of the arranged marriages work just due to commitment, which is drilled into the minds of offspring both by example and culture. Trivial reasons never become the basis of falling apart. Of course if it becomes a torture or abuse, then it is wiser to let it go.
Thanks for sharing your view, much appreciated.
Yes, the only one I knew to not work was due to abuse.
Arranged Marriages?
Before I might be against something like this…
but now, with all of the divorces in America, perhaps I’d think twice.
xx
Yes Kim, old is gold! Divorce is the price people pay for modernisation and liberation! Excess of everything is bad.
Thanks for standing by. I love your honest view.
A very different subject for a book… sounds really intriguing… 🙂
Yes Mani, it makes an interesting reading even to a person like me who knows it inside out! 🙂
Great review, Balroop. I’m sure this book will be delightful and informative for the younger generations of your culture which still practice arranged marriages. It’s wonderful that it has worked out for you! ❤ I think the analogy (quote) could be applied to any happy marriage as well as an arranged one:
"Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day."
That is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing this interesting topic 🙂
Hi Lisa,
Thank you for reading this culturally coated post, which hardly makes any sense to those who have not seen arranged marriages. However this relationship has common aspects of consideration – love with responsibilities and acceptance by both the partners.
In my case, it may not have worked so well if I would have spent my younger years in this side of the globe! Impulsive that I was, quick to take decisions with lack of patience…I learnt all this in the cauldron of societal pressures and to my greatest advantage!
Thank you for your eternal presence here, you seem to be family now of Emotional Shadows. 🙂
hi Balroop, This is amazing – what a surprise and a treat to see my book reviewed here:) Thank you so much.
While I come from an arranged marriage culture, I really wasn’t sure what to make of arranged marriages – the history, the background, the success, the practicalities of it all. As you read, I actually did research into where arranged marriages came from and how they evolved. Then, I read about why this type of arrangement makes sense. Then I concluded with more research and writing, I need to get an arranged marriage LOL the next time around:)
There are some negatives too which I talk about but overall, I came away being pro arranged marriage:) I hope others get a chance to pick it up – it’s free for a few more hours and thank you again Balroop for this wonderful review and plug.
Hi Vishnu,
The pleasure is mine. I have just said what I have always felt about arranged marriages and I have seen many love marriages ending in abuse and divorce. It is human nature to start taking others for granted so everybody falls out of love after the initial romance. What is left behind is duty and devotion, love at this stage becomes more like fall and waits for spring! Only it has to be ushered in with our sincere efforts.
Since the western world offers so much of independence, people do get carried away towards what is more popular! The next generation seems to be smarter and follow more viable options. That is what this book is so significant.
Yes Vishnu, you definitely need and arranged marriage and what could be better than joining shaadi sites! Wishing you the best of search.
A very interesting subject, Balroop and thank you for sharing that book. Every relationship requires commitment, and just like life in general, it isn’t a rollercoaster ride or bed of roses – it’s forever changing just like how Fawn Weave metaphorically describes. In every pairing, you have to work to make it work and I’m glad that it turned out that way for you 🙂
Hi Mabel,
Thank you for adding your insight to the discussion. I agree with you dear friend, it is no bed of roses though it seems!
I am waiting eagerly for your book, best wishes for a speedy launch!
Balroop!… I Think there are so many cultural and sociological factors involved here!… That´s why my belief as to the subject might not be relevant… I think that marriage should be the logical result of falling in love and want the person you love by your side to form a family and so on… Regardless, It is true that we can fall in love or learn to love afterwards… Or even like a person in the very beginning and then love him or her… I think it is overall a complex issue and I am glad that you brought it for us to discuss it!… Love and all my best wishes. Aquileana ⭐
Hi Balroop
I always end up reading your posts a bit late as they do not show up in the Reader.
This is a perfect review of what seems to be an equally perfect book on this sensitive and controversial subject so close to the hearts of most Indians.
The free days for this book are over but I will purchase it nevertheless. I still have to buy yours though. God! with so many actual writers around, when is HeShe going to make me walk down the path of book writing. Needs motivation, devotion and consistent work which you all seem to have in plenty 🙂
Hi Alka,
There is some setting required for seeing them in the reader…I have also been struggling with these nitty-gritty’s and forget them each time how to do them!
Thanks for the appreciative words, they go a long way in giving an impetus to writing. The subject has been made controversial just because of the age-old traditions linked to such marriages. I think it has a lot of potential for improvement to sustain them within the framework of our society.
Thanks for noticing my books! Wish you all the best for staying motivated. Yes, consistency is the right word to actually reach the desired goal. 🙂 I have done it by posting just once a week unless I have a special poem to share, which I do on Saturdays. Otherwise I post just on Tuesdays and concentrate on writing the book.
Yes, Balroop…arranged marriages are coming back as people are seeing the potential. Online dating prevalent in all countries, where people count and match all the desirable criteria before saying yes, is also more or less like an arranged match.
Yours is a good writing plan. I too need to be less active on my blog and focus on other things. Let’s see 🙂
Interesting and thought provoking, for sure. I guess we could say that all marriages are “arranged” in some sense. It’s probably not natural at all to stay in a relationship for decades, so some kind of “arrangement” is necessary as a framework to make it viable. Online dating kind of falls into that category, since the objective usually is to find a life partner, or to enter into an “arrangement.”
Nice piece.
A couple of years back I would have been against arranged marriages Balroop. It still goes on in France within the circle of “rich people”.
I was all in for free choice and love at first sight.
Things changed.
I changed my mind around the idea Balroop.
Why not?
Nothing is granted when it comes to marriage. Love Fawn Weaver view of marriage. We all learn to know one another, how to live and deal with one another. Marriage is a journey.
Maybe older people are wiser and know better what marriage is about. Their advice might be useful. It’s not that they know better than us. But maybe they know that love is not eternal, that passion is not love. And that Life is more than just love.
Stay well and have a lovely week Balroop.